Don't you just find it frustrating...

...when someone who doesn't even know what your nickname means makes assumptions?

Last night, after an encounter with annoying guys who act cool and all in front of their friends, I changed my nickname to:

Ee Lin 依灵 realises that guys are only nice when they're alone with you, they're jerks when they're around their friends

This morning, a primary school guy friend sent me a msg regarding my nickname AND assumed that I fell for a guy but he turned out to be a jerk!! What the....

Anyway, didn't wanna talk much to him either. We used to be the bestest friends. People say a guy and a girl can never be best friends but we did it...until of course he got too caught up into finding a gf and when he eventually did, he "ditched" me. Only came to me when he had problems with his gf...

*sigh* Seriously, best friends won't do that to you. They'll try to keep in touch with u no matter what, through the good times and the bad. That is why, I'm thankful to have my best friends N, JM, YX and KT!! Cause although we may be seas apart, we still try to keep in touch (via msn, e-mail, facebook etc.)

I guess life's like this. When a door closes, another opens. Sometimes I can't help but to look back at the closed door, but they say never frown over something that once made you smile. So...I guess I just have to be glad that happened, it taught me about life.

Hah!! Being a little emo...it's alright!! It's a brand new day...I'm gonna be happy happy happy!!

XOXO,
Me

Exams are coming!!

Woohoo~

I think I'm super happy because I'm gonna submit my last assignment of the semester this Friday!! And then I'll be studying 24/7...hopefully.

After all, I prefer studying to doing assignments.

Been laughing a lot lately, my stomach hurts...lost 1kg too!! Which is a good thing cause my bulging stomach is slowly disappearing...

For don't know what reason, been falling asleep very easily lately too!! I can just sleep the whole day and not wake up...but I know I have to because life is not all about sleeping XD

I hereby promise myself that the afternoon after my last exam paper, I'm coming back home and sleep till the next morning XP

Oh!! Before going back to my real home, gonna go to this Japanese restaurant we've been planning to go to since last semester...hopefully.

Based on the comments my friends left in my last post, I do realize that crying is not a bad thing. Cried again when I called home and heard my mom's voice at the end of the line. Had a fight with her because of some trivial matter...and I was bothered for quite a few days. During praise and worship at OCF last Friday, I kept feeling the urge to call home and tell mom I'm sorry. But I did not call home that night...instead I did the next day. I think that's the 1st time in my life to say I'm sorry. =') I really thank God for touching me inside..I really do. I think He changed me quite a bit. =) Lately, relatives/friends of friends have been passing away and I thought to myself how fortunate I am to have both my parents around. So...it makes my appreciate what I have more.

Ok ok...I'm being long-winded. This is suppose to be a happy post!! ;)

1 more thing to add on to the list of things to do when I get back home - cut my hair

XOXO,
Me

Promise

I hereby promise myself to control my tear glands from now on...I think they're being overactive since I came to Aus.

No more tears from now on...no matter what happens.

This I promise myself!

XOXO,
Me

Dreading...

...tomorrow cause tomorrow's a Friday!

I shall not be afraid...I'm sure the Lord will make my paths straight as long as I put my trust in Him!!

Hopefully, I don't have to see that mean tutor -.-

XOXO,
Me

Give thanks...

...in any circumstance.

I'm not sure why but Fridays are usually the worst day of my week. On Fridays, I'm messed up, unprepared for the day and everything goes wrong.

It was the same yesterday. I was supposed to sit for Human Physiology quiz yesterday. The night before, I finished off my Psychology essay and started working real hard on studying for my quiz. Woke up early to study as well. I crammed as much information as possible, hoping that I'd not do too bad in the quiz as this is the final quiz of the semester and it's worth 10%!

At around 12pm, my friends came and asked if I wanted to have lunch with them at Chinatown so I said ok since I need to have lunch before my tutorial anyway. Got changed without showering, packed my stuff and out we went to the city!

There was an accident along North Terrace so the bus arrived our stop later than usual. We walked as fast as possible to Chinatown so that we'd get our food soon and I can finish my food early and rush to uni. I gobbled up my food up in 15-20 mins and started walking towards uni. While walking I felt like vomiting the beef noodles I just ate. Anyway, usually my tutor gives some revision on the topic that we're supposed to have our quiz on and then give us the quiz during the last half an hour before tutorial ends. I was so sure!!

The worst thing happened when I reached my tutorial, panting and sweating, being late for 10 minutes. Everyone stared at me in silence and the tutor gave me a weird look. My heart was having a battle inside whether I should say something or go get a seat. So I said, "I'm really sorry I'm late..." whilst walking to a seat. No one moved...everyone was dead still and I thought that I was in deep shit!! That moment, the tutor opened his mouth, saying, "You're short of these" and showing me the quiz papers in his hand. So, I forced my voice out and asked, "Can I have one please?" The tension in class was so intense I felt myself hot all over and wanting to kill myself that very moment. He said, "No" When that word came out from his mouth, my heart was pounding like crazy in my chest, I thought I was gonna suffocate. I thought I heard him wrongly until he repeated the same thing. He said I couldn't take the quiz because everyone else has done and marked it!! The worst thing was when he said, "I'm not sure how long you've been outside studying." What the...?!@#$% He thought I was outside studying?! That very second, I felt my world turning....This can't happen to me!! I rushed all my way from Chinatown right after having my beef noodles, risking having a super bad digestion because I ran and I went there for nothing!!!! I was so embarrassed after how he treated me. Considering the fact that I'm the only Chinese there and I have to experience this kinda shitty thing didn't help at all! No one said anything and they all went, "awwww" I didn't even bother to differentiate whether that "awwww" was a sympathetic one or a sarcastic one. I mumbled, "Oh, ok" and went to take a seat. Thinking that they were still discussing the answers to the quiz, I politely asked the girl next to me if I could have a look at hers. Little did I know, the second I sat down, the tutor went, "OK! You guys can go now!"

ARRGGGHHHH!! It was so frustrating...I went there for 5 minutes and I'm gone!! Sms-ed a few of my Penang friends to tell them what happened (like what I always used to do back home) and called my friends who were still at Charlie's Shack (the beef noodle shop) to meet them up. Briefly told them that I missed my quiz. I was angry at myself for being late...but I was angry at my tutor as well for embarrassing me in front of the whole class!! Where would I put my face after this?! Met up with E and L. Waited at the bus stop in front of Royal Adelaide Hospital (RAH) and when E asked me what exactly happened, I burst out crying halfway. I never felt so devastated in my life. I cried so loudly everyone could hear me...but I just didn't care! I was so angry and anger turned to tears...It was all so comical though, L scolded E for making my cry and E defended herself by saying it wasn't her fault. Imagine this: I was there crying in E's embrace and there they were scolding each other. It was all so funny. This "conversation" took place as well: -

L: Shhh...don't cry already...*looking embarrassed* Everyone's looking...
E: I don't care!! Let her cry...it's better that way...
L: Not you la!! Her!!
E: You think she cares meh?! She cry until like that means she doesn't care la!!

Part of me wanted to laugh but my tears kept pouring out of my eyes like a loose tap. Got on the bus with watery and swollen eyes. Bus was full so we had to stand. Well, P2 was a little shocked to see my cry so he didn't know what to do. LOL E and L2, on the other hand, kept finding ways to cheer me up, with hugs, with words of comfort, you name it, they've done it. The more they comforted me, the more I cried...=') I know it's not the end of the world with that 10% but the thing that made me saddest was how my tutor treated me. How could he say that?! If he just told me that I couldn't take the quiz because I was late then it's fine. I could just take it and suck it in. Instead he said he wasn't sure how long I've been outside studying?! First time in my life, I cried like there's nobody watching. I still remember last semester when I cried and I was waiting at the bus stop with swollen and watery eyes, P came walking towards me. He really made my day. Just seeing him makes me smile again...but not anymore. Seeing him just makes my heart ache. How can 2 people who used to be so close be so distant now? I feel like we're strangers...

So, upon reaching home, I wrapped myself in my blanket, hoping to fall asleep and forget everything that has happened. I did fall asleep...when M2 came knocking on my door after coming back from her class with P. *sigh* Told her my "ordeal" and she was quite sympathetic.
As I was telling her, the memory of everything was fading already. Got up and prepared to catch the bus to the city as I had OCF and L said he wanted to buy me ice cream to cheer me up...=D Felt so bad for making a big deal out of it. Now as I think back, it wasn't anything big, really. After having my dinner and ice cream, everything was fine again. Thanks L!!

While worshiping Him, a sense of peace came over me and I remember that bible verse that says "Give thanks in any circumstance". What L said was true I guess, He wouldn't let this happen unless He wants. Maybe it could be a blessing in disguise. I'll never know...

OH!! The funniest thing happened to me after OCF. Everyone was gone already. G and I stayed back to wait for P to drive us home while E and L went to pass something to P3 at her house. Before E and L left for P3's house, she asked me to finish off the potato chips and to throw it in the dustbin inside the guys' toilet (the nearest) if I don't want it anymore. So, after eating a few chips, I decided to throw it away. G followed me from behind while I opened the door of the guys' toilet. First door...no dustbin....2nd door....OMG! There was a guy standing there dunno-doing-what! Both of us ran out like lightning when that guy turned around and said "What are you doing?!"!! We started laughing hysterically...Fortunately, I did not see anything that I shouldn't have seen!

I knew that guy so it wasn't that bad. He came laughing and asked if it was me. LOL I said oops...yeah...and I just wanted to get to the dustbin, assuring him that I did not see a single thing! He said, "It's ok, I'm sure you didn't see anything" >.<

My "day" (or night) got better, I was laughing and talking like normal. Had G come over my room to talk...and wow! We talked till 3:38am so I went to sleep right after she left and woke up at 12:30pm today, right on time for lunch!! XP

p/s: About P...It's time to do what's best for me, I gotta go my own way. =) 等待竟累积成伤害，爱深埋珊瑚海。 Shall just go with the flow~

XOXO,
Me

A different path

Walked back from uni today...while walking I felt like taking a different route back.

And I must say, I did not regret taking a different route...the scenery was breathtaking...LOL maybe I'm exaggerating a little cause obviously there are other sceneries in the world that are more breathtaking but anyway, the flowers...different species of flowers all bloom in their fullest and I just can't help but think how amazing it is...God's creation!!

The other thing is that if I had never taken that route, I would never know there are better things in store for me...I wonder if this applies to P...

Oh yeah, not forgetting I got approached by 2 men from The Church of Jesus Christ of the latter days. They were spreading this gospel called Mormon. I've heard of it before but I never knew what it is about so I stood there "listening" (kinda felt sleepy after a while) and then they gave me 2 books of Mormon - 1 in English and 1 in Chinese. o.O

Okkkaaayyy...

XOXO,
Me

Eventful week

Phew~ Time really does fly. A week has come and gone after my semester break!

So, what happened during the past week?

Well, let's start from Monday. Monday evening after dinner, I decided to prepare myself for uni so I flipped through my course information and to my horror, I found out that the assignment for Religions of the Ancient World is due on the 6th of October, which is 5 days from then!! I searched frantically for the books I needed on the online library catalogue and all the books I needed were on loan or on loan and requested! o.O What could I do right? All I could do was to request for all the books needed so that when the borrower returns them, I'll get them. Anyway, as easily stressed as I was, I consulted a friend who took this subject last year about what I should do. She said I could just tell the course coordinator the truth that all the books are on loan and I'm still waiting in line so that he could give me an extension. So I did what she said.

Went for Psychology lecture on Tuesday morning, I guess I slept late the night before (1am), or it could be the boring lecture, I was nodding off in class!! Tried so hard to keep my eyes opened but to no avail. -.- Managed to write some stuff down though. Considering the fact that I was so sleepy, I rushed back home to sleep for an hour and got up for lunch in time. After lunch, I prepared for my group presentation for Rhetoric and Reasons: Persuading People. As 'everyone' knows that I'm quite thrifty and that I'm saving money this semester cause I'm realised that I've been spending too much on unnecessary stuff, I walked to uni at 3:30pm. It was only when I reached uni, panic started to overwhelm me...I HATE presentations!!!! I always speak ok when I'm practising but when it comes to the real thing, my voice will shake and I'll start to stare at the ceiling and shift weights on each leg. Oh well...it's over.

On Wednesday, after my Psychology lecture (I didn't sleep in class!! In fact I found it very interesting XD) I took the bus to the city as I have books to collect at the UniSA City East campus and the State Library and at the same time return the novels I borrowed during semester break. While waiting for the bus, I embarrassed myself -.- I was listening to music on my mobile using earphones. Usually I'll sing along to the songs I listen to but that day I just mouthed the words as I didn't want to sing out loud. That was when I embarrassed myself when the bridge of Because You Live (by Jesse McCartney) came on. Normally, bridges have a higher pitch and the background music would be more energetic so I got so high, I started singing but because I got earphones on, I couldn't hear myself. I THINK I made a high-pitched squeak cause 2 persons standing in front of me turned around and gave me a really weird look. 1 of them even had his earphones on as well. =S ARRGGGHHHHH!! All I did was pretend that I didn't know and was mouthing the lyrics away. Oh, I got my course coordinator's e-mail that day saying "Extension is fine" one sentence!

Thursday came, started to get really stressed because of the assignment and the course coordinator's reply did not help much. Extension is fine!? When's the due date?! I started that assignment that night, hoping to finish it as soon as possible even though I had an extension as I'll be having a Psychology essay due next Friday. Did not want both assignments clashing together. On the bus on the way to Mawson Lakes campus, I decided to listen to some songs to keep me awake so I plugged in the earphones. I was curious on why the music sounded so soft so I turned on the volume to max and still it was soft so I thought it was because of my bus. The man who was talking on the phone suddenly turned around and gave me this weird (or annoyed?) look. I thought he could hear my music from my earphones so I ignored him when my friend, A2 tapped my shoulder from behind and asked, "Why you turn on your..." I didn't even wait for him to finish, I plugged in the earphones properly and the music came booming in my ears! =.= The music was playing through the speakers!! No wonder that man looked at me!! Oh my goodness...What's with me and earphones!? Anyway, earlier in the day M said she was going to the post office so I asked her to help me get a postage paid envelope to post the invoice and receipt I got from seeing the GP (to claim $$$). While doing my assignment, I looked through the assignment feedback form and saw that I needed to insert this footer on every page. I wanted the footer thingy to be fixed but I didn't know how to do it so I asked around but nobody seemed to get what I meant!! Finally I gave up and went back to my room to resume my assignment. *KNOCK KNOCK* It was M!! She made my day man!! Right after I asked her about the footer thingy, she got it immediately!! Woohoo~ Then I realised I forgot to get the envelope from her. I was damn happy after getting the envelope for her, thinking to myself that I finally get to claim back the AUD46.10 I paid!! And whad'ya know?! I came back searching for the invoice and receipt but I couldn't find it anywhere in my room!! I was sooo sure it was lying on my table next to the telephone!! Oh NO!! I must've left it between the pages of the novel I returned to the State Library!! *smacks forehead* How could I be so careless?!?! This made me even more stressed!! Searched the State Library telephone number on the internet. Gotta call them first thing in the morning!!

Didn't have a good sleep on Thursday night...had a really weird dream! I had a dream that M2 was in high school with me and we took wedding pictures with the guys in our class. In the dream, I was comparing wedding pictures with M2 and she was actually very pretty in her wedding picture!! Called the State Library on Friday morning and the lady who answered my call said that they must've chucked it into the bin or something. I was devastated...$$$!! Skipped Human Physiology lecture as everything taught is in the book anyway. Called my parents to tell them about the invoice and receipt, at the same time asking them how they're doing. Hearing their voices just made me calmer and it reminded me to change my flight!! My dad said about the invoice and receipt I could just get another copy from the GP. Haha...so out I went to the city, first I went to Singapore Airlines to change my flight. As I finish my exams on the 21st of November, I wanted a flight 2 or 3 days after that day so that I'd have time to pack my stuff and spend some time with my friends here before going home. In the end I settled for 25th of Nov, which is on a Sunday, so that my dad could fetch me from the airport that night as he finishes work early. So happy after changing my flight, knowing that I'll be going home soon!! Totally forgetting about the invoice and receipt, I headed to the State Library to borrow my requested books. While searching for the books on the shelves, I spotted a book at the corner of my eye!! O.O It was the book I returned!! I flipped through the pages and there it was!! Sitting nicely between the pages, untouched! WOOHOO~ I thanked God that very moment! Miracles do happen! Then, it was lunchtime but I didn't know who to have lunch with, so I sat down on the bench at Rundle Mall, going through contacts on my mobile. In the end I bought McD and had it at J's place. It was a short time, but I had fun spending time with her. Too bad we can't go home together...it's alright...we've planned what to do when we get back!! Be afraid Penang...be very afraid....XD

XOXO,
Me

Pervertic god

While reading the readings for Religions of the Ancient World, I came across this paragraph:

Zeus to Hera (his wife):
Let us lie together and turn to love making, for never yet has desire for goddess or woman so filled my heart inside me and overwhelmed it, not even when I loved the wife of Ixion, who bore Perithoos, a councilor equal to the gods, nor when I bedded Danae, the lovely-ankled daughter of Akrisione, who bore Perseus, glorious among all men, nor when I fell in love with the daughter of far-renowned Phoenix, who bore Minos and godlike Rhadamanthys, nor when I loved Semele or Alkmene in Thebes; the latter bore me the strong-hearted Heracles, but Semele bore Dionysus, who gives pleasure to men; nor when I loved queenly Demeter of the lovely hair, nor when my choice was glorious Leto, nor even yourself. So now do I desire you and sweet passion has seized me.

=.= Ooookkkaaayyy...*speechless*

XOXO,
Me

It's over

Phew~ my presentation for Rhetoric and Reasoning is over!!

I think I did really really bad. I was soooo nervous I kept looking at the ceiling and my voice was super shaky...I even started to shake my leg!! >.< This is really bad....Got so depressed I went out for dinner with my friends.

But....

after this dinner, I'm not gonna touch pasta ever again...at least not for now =S Feel like puking...the pasta was too filling and too salty...*gags*

Finishing the novel I borrowed from the state library beginning of holidays. It's about this shopaholic who is married and when she came back from her 10-month honeymoon, she found out that she has a half-sister. The title is Shopaholic and Sister. So...yeah. While reading it, her best friend was mentioned and when she came back from her honeymoon, she discovered that her best friend has already found a new best friend...not exactly, but her best friend is not as close to her as before already. As I read that, I started to think about my own friends. What if we all have different best friends already? What if I go home and we're not able to talk like before already? What if we don't click anymore?

I'm a wreck now...seriously. I'm dying to go back home but at the same time worried that I'm not able to fit into the place where I was born and grew up. =S

I'm scared that our promises to "be friends till we grow old", "be best friends no matter what" or "be friends till our kids get married to each other" will mean nothing anymore. I know I sound like I'm crazy, but since high school, I've always thought of having all my close friends to attend my wedding ceremony. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~

Sometimes I sit and think, how amazing it is that everyone has at least 1 friend that can relate to. No matter how bad a person is, I'm sure he/she will have at least 1 close friend. Without friends, I don't think we can all survive in this world. We were made to live in a community. In standard 4, I was a super bitchy person. Come to think of it, I'm quite ashamed of what I did. The past is the past...it's time to look forward. It's time for a confession...

I used to look down on this girl in standard 4, I didn't like her and I always excluded her from our conversations and I'd make fun of her. I was really really bad. I had a really bad temper then too!! I do have my tempers but it's wayyy better than the last time. Imagine I was that bad already, but I had a best friend who was the total opposite from me. She was quiet, has a good temper and was and still is very forgiving. Not sure if I was lucky or it was a blessing from God, she stood by me through primary school years until high school. We hung out together lesser after form 2 cause we were in different classes and the company we had was different.

Anyway, I guess she influenced me in a way. Through the years, I controlled my temper and I think I changed drastically!! In form 4 I think, she asked me out one day. We were reminiscing about old times and she said I've changed alot!! She said I've changed to become a better person...some one who is not so bad tempered. I was actually encouraged by that. I guess I'm really blessed with good friends. Many of my friends have said things that really encouraged me. Hmmm~ I have a really good idea!! Shall buy a pretty book and write down the stuff my friends have said to me that is encouraging...that way I'll not forget when I grow old XP

It's true what all my high school teachers have said. They said that the friendship we have in high school is the purest, most sincere and real. Now that I'm staying in a hostel, there'll be occasional back-stabbing and gossiping. It's quite scary at times but I think this is what you call "the world". True friends in high school tell you stuff straight in the face. We may feel offended or angry but the most we'd do is not talk to each other for maybe a day or two and we're friends once again, knowing that you're able to be honest with each other.

Another thing that has been bothering me for a while is appearance. I have no problem with my appearance whatsoever. In fact, I don't feel that I need to change anything until I came here. People keep making remarks about my appearance. They say I should wax my legs, pluck my eyebrows, dress up, pluck the hair above my lips (they call it my mustache) and wear contact lenses. Seriously for my whole 19 years of life, I never thought of changing how I look. Grew up with my cousins who don't really dress up or care about their appearance. Not that they're sloppy or whatever though. They just do stuff like plucking eyebrows or waxing hairs off legs stuff like that. My family and relatives made me feel like I'm the most beautiful thing even without doing the stuff other teenage girls do.

I still don't get it though, why wax our legs? =S It's just hair. Everyone has it. Who came up with the idea that smooth legs are nice? Do people last time do that as well? We are all born with hair on our legs. If you're talking about armpit hair then I understand cause it looks hideous with sleeveless tops and the hair doesn't capture heat when we're cold. Waxing our legs is just so troublesome, you have to was it everytime the hair grows back =.= Just like eyebrows. Why pluck it when you know you have to do that for the rest of your lives? I'd just pluck it for occasions, such as my wedding? LOL or for special functions? Being a girl is so hard. People come up with this image of how a girl should look because of advertisements and stuff. *sigh* And dressing up...dressing up is also so troublesome. I see my friends (sorry if you're one of them) standing in front of the cupboard, thinking of what to wear...omg...I can never do that!! I'd just rather be simple and the most important of all is I have to feel comfortable in what I wear!! That's my main motto on clothes, man!! I wouldn't wanna wear heels and feel uncomfortable walking. Worse, if I have to run after the bus, I wouldn't wanna run in heels!! No way!! I'd just rather kill myself.

I see some people wearing skimpy outfits in a cold weather and I think "why do girls torture themselves like that?" That's the price for looking nice? Freeze yourself? I can never do that. Salute to the girls out there. Sometimes I see girls wearing super high heels out shopping and I'm thankful I'm wearing sports shoes. They're the most comfortable shoes anyone can own. =P Sometimes I think if God made a mistake in my gender cause I'm so anti-girlish. But then again, God never makes mistakes, so I guess I'm just "unique". Don't misunderstand though, I'm not criticizing the girls out there, I'm just stating our differences and voicing out my thoughts. =)

Oops~ Enough of digressing.

XOXO,
Me

o.O

HELP!!!! In an hour's time I'll be having a group presentation!!

I'm scared shitless...which is true literally.

When I get nervous, I always have a slight stomach ache and end up feeling like shitting >.<

I hate presentations...be it group or individual.

Talking about shitting, something funny happened to me last Friday.

I was rushing to catch the bus so I changed without peeing and shitting and thought I could pee and shit later in the day.

After pulling up my jeans, I realised I couldn't zip at all!! So I thought, "Man!! Time to pee and shit!!" I ran to the toilet, peed and shat...and little did I know...wow! I could zip and button my jeans! XP

XOXO,
Me

Secret

We uni students were supposed to have classes starting today but because it's Labour Day, we get to sleep in =P

As usual, I woke up and went down to the dining hall to have my breakfast. Surprisingly, there were boiled eggs for breakfast!! So as happy as I was, I had toased bread with butter and egg mixed with mayonnaise. Yum Yum!! While eating halfway, my "neighbour" C came down to have her breakfast as well so we ended up eating and talking at the same time. Out of the blue, she asked me if I wanted to watch Secret (a movie starring and directed by Jay Chou) with her. Considering the fact that I've always wanted to watch that movie and I had nothing to do at that moment I said yes.

The movie was totally out of expectations!! It seemed that it was just another boring high school love story but little did we know, there was a major twist in the middle!! O.O My hair actually stood on ends when we found out what the story was actually about!!

I'm still speechless after watching it....so....extraordinary!! I thought it was quite depressing in the end...but at least they had a happy ending.

XOXO,
Me

What should I do?

*SIGH* Been online the whole night chatting, listening to music, and trying to finish my slide for the presentation next Tuesday.

Can't help but to click on my Windows Live Messenger contact list to see if P is online. Haven't seen P around for nearly a week, but when I do see P, we don't talk. I thought that I am able to let go, just like that. But I guess deep down, I know that I still like P.

I keep telling myself that a better one will come along...but that's not the point! It's not about being better or not!! It's about being able to like someone for their imperfections...All imperfections add up to become this unique person that P is!!


Wondering how P's doing now...A few days ago I saw P online and I told M that it's weird not talking to P online anymore because we used to chat every night. M asked me to make the first move in starting a conversation but I refused to cause I didn't know what to say =S and that I'll make a fool out of myself >.< What M said is true too...if we don't make the first move to talk to each other, then I guess our friendship will just end there and we can never be like how we used to be anymore.

Even though sometimes I avoid P, deep down I wanna see P and talk to P. I'm just too coward. Tonight I told myself that if P is online, I'll make the first move to send P a message. Too bad....P's not online...

XOXO,
Me

Left out...

Decided to call my parents and talk to them before uni starts once again. After the phone rang for 2 minutes, I reached the voicemail. No one was home. I guess they went out to run errands again.

So I thought, why don't I call to Singapore where my aunts and cousins are at? Since the birth of my cousin sister's baby boy, my aunts flew to Singapore to take care of him and to visit my cousin sister at the same time. I called...after ringing for ever, the engaged tone was heard. Eh?

Oh! Should've called the landline, not mobile phone!! Dialled again, this time the landline phone. Hearing my cousin's voice at the other end makes me wanna burst out crying!! Finally, a voice that I've heard for years!! I miss everyone!! ='(

And as I expected, I called at the wrong time. They were about to go out. Everyone's happy over her newborn. I just feel sad. I'm happy that she's got her newborn but I'm sad because I'm not there to share it with her, with everyone. Suddenly I realised, it's time for me to grow up. When I was younger, I used to stick to my cousins cause they're the closes relatives to me. They are like my own sisters but now, 1 is married, the other 1 is busy working in Singapore...I'm no longer the youngest of all. Her newborn baby boy is.

Not that I'm sad because no one's gonna give me attention anymore. I'm sad because it's time for me to face reality. It's time to grow up. That's what I've been dreading. I wanna be a kid forever. No matter what, I know that someday I'll get married and have kids of my own. Now...I feel like I'm left out...I'm not even sure if my family remembers that there's a me here, in Australia, waiting eagerly to go back home...

*sob* Feel like crying...I guess, when a person gets married, that person will have to live her/his own life with her/his spouse. It's funny how sometimes I just wanna grow up and sometimes I wanna be a kid forever. ARRGGGHHHH!! Emo-ing again..which is not good at all!!

It' ok...I must cheer up!! Going to the beach for my friend's 19 birthday...but it's so freezing cold!! =S I think I'll juz freeze to death...

XOXO,
Me

I feel like dancing

Just came up after watching So You Think You Can Dance...wow!! I feel like dancing already!! It's true what Leonard said the other day. He said life is too short, learn whatever you wanna learn when you still can. So, dancing will be one of the things I wanna do in life! I'm 19, still young...even my parents started learning ballroom dancing at 50+? See? We're never too old to do anything =)

I wanna dance!! But I'm not an expressive person...I can't move when people are around. Basically, I don't really express my feelings when people are looking. >.< This is really bad...I'm always amazed by dancers, how they can dance like no one's looking with full of energy and vibe! It's just so...WOW!

Oh well, gonna learn ballet when I get back home...hopefully I don't get too distracted in sleeping until I forget about dancing XP

Oh boy, it's late...

XOXO,
Me

High School Musical 2

I'm hooked onto High School Musical 2!!!!

I know it's not as good as the 1st one but I'm still a sucker for high school romances! =P So far I've watched HSM 2 for 4 times already XD

So romantic ok?! OK, maybe not THAT romantic...but still...I just wanted to cry when Gabriella wanted to break up with Troy and when she sang that break up song (Gotta Go My Own Way).

I'm stuck in one of my fantasies again!! I think E is right, I'm still stuck in the past...not fully grown up yet...still searching XP I WANNA GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL AND GET MYSELF A HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART!! <3

Gotta Go My Own Way
I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

And when Troy sang a duet (Every day) with Gabriella...WHOA!! So romantic!!!!

Every Day
[Troy]
Once in a lifetime
Means there's no second chance
So I believe that you and me
Should grab it while we can

[Gabriella]
Make it last forever
And never give it back

I know the acting kinda sucks and all but WTH, this show is for kids anyway! =D

XOXO,
Me

Ermmm...

...I don't know where to start.

OK...I start from last Friday =P

I baked a cake and rolled sushis last Friday. It was easy baking a cake. All I had to do was mix the ingredients until it's smooth and then transfer the mixture into a erm...mold and put it into a preheated oven! =D However, the cake came out looking weird...it looked like a volcano >.< Looks don't matter...it tasted great! HAH to all those who are laughing at me now!! *blek*

It was my first time making sushi. Well, not exactly made made, but...fine!! I ROLLED a sushi for the first time...=D It was quite messy...rice sticking on my fingers and at the same time had to make sure no rice sticks on the seaweed outside =S I seriously disappointed myself. The first thought that comes to my mind is: I can never be a housewife!!!! Such a failure, man! But it's ok...cause this is my first time. P2 was teasing me of never gonna be a good housewife and I said I'll find a guy who can cook. What she said next made sense too. Guys who know how to cook expect their wives to know how to cook as well. True...very true.

While rolling sushi's, P2 kept mentioning P, which was quite weird cause everything seemed to fall into place. Like how guys know how to cook expect their wives to cook or guys who know how to cook are difficult cause they're picky in their food. That's just super weird. Not only that, P2 will tell me out of the blue, "Don't (fill in verb), P (fill in like/dislike) eating (noun)" XD

It was really fun though...E was responsible of cutting the sushi and she found quite a few with only rice and without any fillings...oops~ We ate those without fillings =P I think I'm sick of sushi for the meantime.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 nights ago I watched High School Musical 2...been waiting for it to be out for ages!! Awww~ So romantic!! Sometimes I wish I'm back in high school and I have a boyfriend...haha...high school sweetheart <3 Like what C said "High school love is the purest and sweetest" Just one of my fantasies...I'm getting old!

Anyway, went out with J yesterday morning to get J2 her birthday present which falls on this Friday. We had no idea what to get her so I suggested we make her a big birthday card with photos of her memories stuck in it =) We set off to Lincraft to buy cards and then we went back to J's place to save some photos into my pendrive and memory card to be developed in one of the shops at Rundle Mall. We were so scared that J2 would see us with our big cards cause then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. J made sure that J2's not home then she called me to go up. Oh yeah, J and J2 are housemates.

After choosing photos to be developed, we headed to 3 Store to develop the pictures cause E went there to develop before and it was instant. Unfortunately, the machines at 3 Store were out of order. Therefore we headed to Harvey Norman, the one introduced by J. Oh boy, we had a hard time figuring out how to use those darn machines!! I think we took half an hour just to choose and edit our photos. =.= Technology...

And it took us by surprise...it wasn't instant. So we had to go for our lunch and come back to collect the photos. When there are too many choices, it's hard to decide. J and I took like 10 minutes to decide on what to eat and so we went to Southern Cross. I thought maybe I should settle for some Tandoori cause it makes me feel at home so we did. The curry turned out to be super duper salty!! *faints* Luckily I brought water, if not I would've died of dehydration.

Collected the photos and wow!! They're so nice!!!! I love hard copy photos....memories start to rush back to me! Excuse me for the boring style of writing. I'm not in the mood for creative writing...LOL J and I were so excited to do art and craft!! Haven't done it for ages...Thought it would be really quick to make a birthday card...little did we know...we took more than an hour to make it cause we couldn't come up with ideas for the captions of the photos. =S 9 photos were developed but 3 couldn't fit in so I took home 2 myself and J took 1.

ARRGGGHHHH!! Wasted too much time today....later!

XOXO,
Me

3 in 1

Hmmm...let's see. I haven't been feeling very well since last Thursday. I keep having this headache that makes me feel like my head is gonna be blown off any moment!! ARRGGGHHHH! I don't know why, but I never had headaches in my life. This is the first time...Insisted not to take any medicine cause I believe in recovering naturally =P However I broke my no-medicine policy on Saturday night.

On Saturday, I woke up at 6:56am because P wanted to leave at 7:45am to the leadership workshop kairos at Marketplace Church which ends at 5pm. To cut a long story short, I'll just tell the main points. There was this "game" which requires us in a group to do different things. For me, I had to do duck walk. So I ended up having sore thigh muscles =S Going down the stairs and sitting on the toilet seat are a pain for me now! >.< Anyway, I reached home at 6pm, had a massive headache so I went and had a nap until 6:30pm which is dinner time. After having my dinner, I thought that it wasn't good to sleep right after a meal, so I listened to songs and online for a while until 8pm.

Was sleeping very very soundly when someone knocked my door at around 10pm. Well, because of my famous pyjamas, the first question that guy, X, asked me was, "Why aren't you in your pyjamas and you're sleeping already?" when I opened the door. I just simple replied, "Headache". O.O The next moment I know was he asked me to wait and I went back to bed, wrapped up in my blanket and he came back with a glass of lukewarm water and a Panadol. I told him I didn't wanna take any medicine but he insisted so I took it and swallowed it with lukewarm water. Everything was a blur...I think I remember him asking me to take Vitamin C the next morning or something.

So, many may be asking what's the "3 in1" in the title for XP 1. headache, 2. sore thigh muscles, and 3. time of the month!! *sigh* Being a girl is sometimes tough. But thank God that since I came here, no more cramps for me during the time of the month =) So it was all ok... I don't think I'll be updating my blog so frequent now as I'm starting to panic. Exams are just around the corner and deadlines are nearing.

p/s: I realised that blogging is a really good way to keep friends updated! =) I will try to blog whenever I can. Miss and love you guys!

XOXO,
Me

Falling sick

Woke up yesterday morning feeling my throat being tight. Tried to utter a word but no sound came out...after clearing my throat twice, a coarse voice was heard. Didn't feel like talking the whole day, felt so miserable. =(

Today, I had yummy egg for breakfast. However, I didn't feel as happy as I would have been. >.< Still miserable that my throat is tight. My body keeps screaming to be wrapped up in my blanket; my eyes try to shut themselves every second I try to read my novel. I feel like dying!!!!!

*sigh* Planned to start studying today. Hopefully I am able to after my nap...

XOXO,
Me

Summer Holiday Mood XP

Am chatting with a Penang friend who has gone back to Penang for her holiday.

Hehe...since I'm having my semester break now, my mind wandered to summer holidays which is at the end of the year!

Things I wanna do during summer holidays:

1. Learn ballet (adult class of course)
2. Learn a language
3. Learn how to play the guitar
4. Arrange my photos in an album
5. Eat every kind of hawker food before coming back to Aus
6. Sleep
7. Find a part time job (doesn't matter if the pay is low)
8. Get a haircut before coming back to Aus
9. Practise swimming (hopefully)
10. Watch at least 1 drama series
11. Shopping (never liked shopping but I have to shop for stuff cause stuff here is expensive)
12. Meet and catch up with old friends
13. Learn driving!!
    

So far I've got 13 things to do during summer holidays! Wheeee~

XOXO,
Me

Fate of Ee Lin's Hand

Last week I think it was Wednesday, I woke up and found the back of my hand feeling extremely itchy, so I scratched it but it got more itchy so I scratched harder until it bled a little, which you can see on the right side of my hand in the picture. The mark on the left was caused by this burn I got while buying hot food at the uni cafeteria =S

According to Esther, my hand looks like Doraemon's =.=
(She couldn't stop laughing at it while persuading me to see the doctor!)

The second day, I decided to put on a band aid just in case I found it itchy and started scratching it again

On the 3rd day, the swollen has already subsided

I totally regretted seeing the GP!!! Ok...nevermind. No point crying over spilt milk. That's it...for those who are curious about my hand. =P


XOXO,
Me

Monday

Woke up early today despite sleeping late the night before. Had a quick breakfast again with M and off I went to the city to see the GP. Didn't want to go at first but my mom insisted I go although the swelling on my hand has subsided because she said, "Just in case" -.-

The GP heard what I had to say, had a look at my hand, typed some stuff on his laptop and it was over. All he said was, "It might have been a spider bite, it looks OK now. Tell you what you should do, go to the mall, buy a surface spray, and spray on the walls in your room, just in case spiders or other insects are lurking around" =.= Oookkkaaayyy...No prizes for guessing right how much he charged me. A freaking amount of AUD46.10!! What's that 10 cents for anyway?! ARRGGGHHHH! I should have just be prodigal and not heed my mom's advice! That's like what...RM138.30!! With that amount, I can pay for half of Linkin Park's concert tickets!! I decided not to go for the concert cause 1. my mom didn't allow cause it's expensive, 2. I felt guilty spending so much, and 3. it's AUD99.90 (RM300) for a ticket!! All 3 reasons are related to $$$ and I had to pay what, RM48.30 after claiming back AUD30 from OSHC! =S

*sigh* Enough about $$$...though I seem stingy, I don't care anymore! It's time I learn how to say NO to temptations and start saving. No spending unless it's on food or something necessary. Hopefully next year my lecture schedule would not be so tight and so I can work!! Well, not 100% because of money that I want to work though. Been wanting to work and experience how it's like working since finishing SPM, but never gotten myself to.

After seeing the GP, I headed to the State Library. I wanted to borrow Hopeless Romantic once again cause I haven't finished reading it when I returned it but I couldn't find the book. *sigh* Wanted to read the ending of a romantic story...=P So, I thought maybe it's time for me to read those classical books (e.g. Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility etc.) but I couldn't find them either. Suddenly I was in the mood for thrillers, so woohoo~ I borrowed 2 books by Sidney Sheldon and a chick novel by Sophie Kinsella.

Was reading "In the mirror" by Sidney Sheldon on the bus on the way home (it's rather funny calling Hosanna my home, cause it's not exactly my home >.<). Nearly missed my stop! When I looked up and saw the majestic building of Hosanna Heights, my heart skipped a beat and in a split second, my butt got off the seat and my hand was reaching for the button to ring the bell! Phew~ Didn't want to walk uphill if I'd missed the stop!!

Holidays is the time when I have time to myself to reflect upon my life, myself and stuff around me. It is also the time when I'm more sensitive to comments cause I know that I'll be able to reflect on them when my mind is not occupied. While having lunch, P came down with his bag. There weren't any people sitting at the table he used to sit at, so he put down his bag on one of the chairs at the table I was sitting at. Then I was talking to this guy X and X suddenly teased me (I couldn't remember what) so I said, "Stupid X!" Out of silence, P said I should not call people stupid. I wasn't offended and wasn't sure if he said it seriously or jokingly though but it got me thinking.

When I call someone stupid, I don't really mean stupid stupid, but just an expression. And when I say it, it doesn't mean that I'm angry or what, it's just how I express myself. Maybe, just maybe I do offend people unconsciously, but I do not call people I'm not close with stupid and people who I'm close with know that I don't mean what I say. So, what should I do about this? Restrict myself from saying the things I'm used to saying? Or, just restrict myself when I'm around certain people? Sometimes I feel I can't satisfy every single person. I just wanna be me...you know...be the bubbly and happy-go-lucky person I used to be. On the other hand, I want to be this perfect girl, which I know is quite impossible. At times I want to grow up as soon as possible (part of the reason is to show P I'm not that immature girl he thinks I am) but I just can't. It's not time yet...it's not meant to be that way. I'm proud to say that I'm mature in some ways though. =)

A friend let me listen to this japanese song entitled "I remember you" sung by Yui and I think I'm addicted to it...=S One more song to my addicted song list. Haha~ It's only Monday and so much has happened. Hmmm...I think this holiday would be quite eventful ;)

XOXO,
Me

Beautiful Sunday....

Woke up later than usual to go to church. Had a quick breakfast of toast bread with butter (yum yum!!!!) and 2 glasses of milk. Off we went!

I think today's message was really good...=) It was about loving God more than the world...

Came back and the first thing I did was to go online XP Managed to catch up with 2 of my high school friends...and as usual, we have a little girl talk...hehe~ and it led to our usual question - Have boyfriend already or not? =D and my usual answer - No

I'm soooo excited to know my friend's "love" story though...cause this time when I asked our usual question, her answer wasn't No, but Dunno *nyahaha* She's gonna tell me the story after her exams!! Woohoo~~ Can't wait...suddenly I realised how we've all grown up...*sob* Everyone's getting attached one by one...*giggles*

Beautiful sunday reminds me of this song by Daniel Boone:

Sunday morning, up with the lark
I think I'll take a walk in the park
Hey, hey, hey, it's a beautiful day

I've got someone waiting for me
When I see her I know that she'll say
Hey, hey, hey, it's a beautiful day

Hi, hi, hi, beautiful Sunday
This is my, my, my, beautiful day
When you say, say, say, say that you love me
Oh, my, my, my it's a beautiful day

Birds are singing, you by my side
Let's take a car and go for a ride
Hey, hey, hey, it's a beautiful day
We'll drive on and follow the sun
Makin' Sunday go on and on
Hey, hey, hey, it's a beautiful day

Hi, hi, hi, beautiful Sunday
This is my, my, my, beautiful day
When you say, say, say, say that you love me
Oh, my, my, my, it's a beautiful day

Hi, hi, hi, beautiful Sunday
This is my, my, my, beautiful day
When you say, say, say, say that you love me
Oh, my, my, my it's a beautiful day

It's a classical oldie...<3

XOXO,
Me

=.="

This post is an outdated post. Was supposed to post it yesterday but was too occupied...

Anyway, woke up from a nightmare yesterday morning!! =S It was super duper scary!! Nothing about ghosts and ghouls but it was the worst nightmare that I ever had!!

Was back in high school. My friends and I were carrying out some chemistry experiment in the lab. We had our own set of apparatus and because my friend didn't have enough test tubes, I lent her mine. Then the teacher said we had to finish our experiment by that day itself and I haven't because of insufficient test tubes. My friend felt bad so she offered her sandwich to me. I didn't want to accept it because then she wouldn't have anything to eat for lunch. However, after much persuasion, I took it and gave it a bite. It tasted sooooooooooooo yummy!!! When I put down my sandwich after the first bite, the sausages in the sandwich started moving! O.o Half of me thought that there might me something alive in it; half of me didn't wanna think about it because it was so yummy!! I asked my friend why the sausages were moving and she gave me an illogical explanation which I believed. After my second bite, I sensed something extremely wrong so I went to the back of the lab, near where the dustbin was, and threw the sandwich on the floor. O.O Walaueh!! Out came all the white-coloured, fat, juicy worms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *SCREAMS* Thank God I haven't swallowed any of the sandwich! I was still chewing on it....I spat out the sandwich as well....EWWWWW~ So freaking gross....*vomits*


I thought my day would go downhill after that. In fact, I was dreading Friday the whole week simply because I had a quiz on that day which I did not finish preparing AND it would be my first time being a backup singer at OCF =P Not that I'm not happy being a backup singer...but I'm scared...no....TERRIFIED!! Never done such things before...=S

Went looking for a GP with E and couldn't find it. well, not exactly, we found the place but we thought we got the wrong place so we went with L, P2 and M. Made an appointment for Monday morning 10:30am. Hopefully by then I don't need to go anymore. Was so hungry after that, so we went for Hungry Jack's!! Yum yum!! I had a cheese Whopper and it was super delicious...haven't had fast food for ages...After gobbling my Whopper, I rushed to uni for human physiology tutorial! *indigestion* hehe~

Now that Friday has come and gone, I'm proud to say that yesterday (Friday) was a pretty good day over all!! Very very content...It's amazing how God made things turned out just so perfectly. Totally out of expectations! My backup partner, P2, is an "old" backup singer...she was really nice in giving me advices and tips on how to sing...So thankful for her =) I really enjoyed myself although was a little nervous...WOOHOO~

Was super duper extremely happy and hyper last night...haven't laughed like that for ages!! Felt so goooooood. Went to bed with a smile on my face XD No dreams, no nightmares last night which is cool! M called me this morning at 10am to have breakfast with her. Now I'm sitting here while listening to my current favourite song Just So You Know XP and Human...lalala~

p/s: All the best to N for her STPM which is just around the corner!! I know you can do it, girl!! I still remember you were the one who motivated me during PMR year. LOL I didn't start studying until I saw you doing all those exercises! =P Miss you loads...*hugs* take care alright, you don't wanna fall sick during your major exam.

XOXO,
Me

Just so you know

Was in E's room talking when the song entitled "Just so you know" came on...We didn't talk for a few seconds. I was listening to the lyrics to the song:

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

Then she started laughing and said it suited my situation so much!! XD Well, it does...but I'm so content right now, not thinking about anything else anymore =) Right now I just wish we could be how we used to be. I miss having a proper conversation with him...Now I'm so afraid to see him because I don't know what to do or say =S I'll just end up saying something wrong again...and again...I'm not putting any hope in it...I'm just going with the flow...following the path God leads me to.

Fell in love with this song...

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

p/s: semester break's coming REALLY soon...woohoo~ so looking forward to it...hopefully I'll be able to study 24/7 then XP yeah right...wish me all the best!!

XOXO,
Me

Indescribable day >.<

How did my day start off?

Woke up reluctantly, realised that the books I borrowed from Adelaide Uni (AU) are already overdue so I msged P who's studying in AU if he's still home so that I could pass the books to him to return to the library.

While rushing down to the dining hall, I caught a glimpse of my umbrella outside my door and I was having a dilemma whether to take it or not but I didn't eventually cause I thought it wouldn't rain. How wrong was I!!!!! The day when I don't bring an umbrella, it rains!! =S Greeaatt...Had to walk half the journey to uni with droplets all over my sweater.

After Psychology lecture (which was pretty interesting by the way) I walked to the bus stop and thank God rain had stopped then. Managed to catch the bus...phew~ that means I get to use the previous validated ticket! *proud of myself*

During lunch, the food was ok...wasn't too bad with sweet chilli sauce =D although some thought that the noodles were crap. Anyway, I suddenly thought to myself after my nap "Hmmm...maybe I should walk to uni later to save money..." Well, cause usually on Tuesdays, I have to validate my ticket twice, which is quite a waste. What do YOU know?! My class ended early! =.= Uh huh...and I could've used my ticket twice if I hadn't walked to uni!! Great! It's alright...

So I thought maybe I could just walk home but I bumped into C, who's my bus-ride mate, at the bus stop. Yeah yeah, I guess you know what I was gonna do then. I waited for the bus with her and suddenly she turned around and asked me, "Do you have an extra red concession ticket?" O.O WHAT?! At that moment, I was like, "SHOOOOT!! No! I just remembered I didn't bring a new ticket!" *faints* I was hysterical (a lil exaggerating) cause I was supposed to save money!! Buying a one-way ticket is like what, RM6.00!! ='( C offered to pay for my trip but how could I accept?!! It's just not right! OK FINE!! I made a vow that I'll save money after my semester break!!! Gonna walk to uni, not buy food unnecessarily and not go out for entertainment (wait, how am I supposed to do that?! My friends are going to the cinema to watch Hairspray next week! >.<) *SIGH* We waited and waited and waited...I suddenly remembered that P comes home together with M2 so I asked her to ask M2 if P is with her!! She said, "Aiya...no need wan la! Not with her wan la!" I was thinking in my heart, "Yeah right!! They finish class together...they must be together!" When the bus finally appeared at the junction, I got all anxious =S I didn't know what to say or do if I do actually see P!! This was how our conversation went:

Me: C!! Help me see if P is on the bus!!
C: No...I only see M2
M: Are you sure?!?! Look carefully!
C: No la..I really see M2 only!
M: But the bus is so far...are you sure?! Look again!!
C: No...I'm sure he's not on the bus...

The bus stopped right in front of us and so we got on it and I didn't dare look around the bus just in case I see him >.< I know, I'm a coward...I think my heart was going to jump outta my chest anytime...it was pounding so hard on my chest wall! After buying our tickets, the first person I saw was P!! Wanted to dig a hole and bury my head in it I tell you!!!! Half of me already expected it, but another half of me wanted to believe that maybe he's not on the bus...OMG...Didn't dare look at him in the eye...STUPID GIRL, C!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm typing this...another 3 minutes to dinnertime...HELP!! How do I face P?! =S
Inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale...

p/s: I know I'm overreacting...I just can't help it!! Any good advices from more experienced people?! XS

XOXO,
Me

Pointless post

Was stressed over my assignment for the past week. Happy that I've submitted it in last nite through AssignIT...slept so soundly last night without dreams about assignments...

I'm wishing holidays would come soon, so that exams will come soon and end-of-the-year hols will be here soon...then it'd be time to fly home!!

Feeling sleepy all the time lately...@.@ Right now I feel like snuggling under my covers again.

p/s: It's 911 today. I never felt anything for the past years about 911 but I think now I know how those families who lost people they love feel...

XOXO,
Me

If tomorrow never comes...

...I'm sure I'd regret not doing the things I needed and wanted to do.

Just a few days ago, I suddenly got into one of my think-about-life modes. Was chatting with P and I got a LITTLE emo so I sent him a message wishing him all the best. As blur as he always is, he asked me, "all the best for what?" So I replied, "studies, friendship, life, present, future, good times, bad times, love etc." and he asked, "why suddenly say such thing..." I said, "cause u'll never know if there's a tomorrow...."

Apparently he got freaked out and sent my friend, E, a message to ask her what was up with me XP I just wanted the best for P even if I'm not the girl he's looking for in the future. I'm just so glad I got to know him as a really good friend, that's all.

The next day, I was in the mood to youtube. So I decided to look for the video to the song "Heaven" by DJ Sammy, which I set as my ringtone on my mobile. As I was searching for it, I stumbled upon this version of the song my friend, Prasana, sent me last year. It's a tribute to the 911 incident that happened in 2001 (i think =S). After watching it, tears actually rolled down my cheeks! *sob* I never wanna regret not telling the people I love that I love them. My parents came to my mind after that and I'm so thankful I have parents, parents who love me.

Yesterday night I got online and as I found my friend's name on my MSN online contact list, her personal message was: r.i.p. anthony
You know that something bad has happened when you see that 3 dreadful letters: RIP. Didn't manage to talk to her as I went offline early to go to bed. So I went online just an hour ago and I got her offline message saying that anthony's her friend she hasn't seen for a while. I don't know why but I had a feeling I needed to check her blog just in case she spilt everything there and yeah, she did. Overwhelmed by emotions again when I finished reading her blog.

It's true that friends make you who you are today, to a certain extent. My life wouldn't be the same if I hadn't known any of the people I know now. Was reading E's blog a moment ago as well and she said something about the world, truth and lies. How do we know if something is the truth or a lie, genuine or fake...And that some questions are just gonna be questions unanswered.

Too much has happened to the people around me... here's the tribute video to 911.

Pictures of us...

Michelle and I

The guys

Girl power!

The gay (?) XP

Cherry and Berry

That's where I wanna be...

Last Sunday, I dragged myself out of bed, had a quick shower and headed down to the dining hall to have a not-so-filling breakfast. I waited for my "chauffer" there to drive me to church but there wasn't anyone so I head back up to E's room to see if she's awake and yes she was. So I sat in her room talking...and suddenly they said the plan to go to be beach was on!! I decided to go to beach considering the fact that I need some relax time....

The weather was just nice...not too hot and not too cold. Of all clothings, I wore khakis cause I was lazy to change =P Had a quick nap before catching the bus to the city!! Woohoo~ I felt so happy that day...wasn't thinking much about P. L brought M's kite along as well to fly at the beach. The pic above (obviously) shows M's kite being flown by L2 and E. Sometimes I feel like I wanna be like the kite, but when you know that you're attached to a string and if the string breaks you'll definitely fall hard...which in this case is not very hard since the "ground" is the sand =S

The reason I feel like a kite is P keeps me hanging there...There's so many things that have been left unsaid. I'm not emo, don't worry. I've already made up my mind =) Beach...I'm so gonna come to you again after my exams...hopefully! I'll be back!! I really really enjoyed my day at the beach, eating yiros and having sauce dripping everywhere, feeling the sun rays on my hair, seeing couples whispering to each other, kids running around, and last but not least, us posing as "models" on the beach...HAHAHAHAHAHA~

I sometimes wish that life is always this simple...

XOXO,
Me

Upon request...

WARNING!! The following picture is NOT for the faint-hearted =D

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My hairstylist and I (Esther was curling my hair and Michelle took over as Esther went for a shower)


So, Pras, Jenn, how's my hair?? Ignore my fringe please >.< doll ="P

p/s: Woke up today thinking of P. I've made up my mind to hold on, maybe, just maybe something good might happen. I promise myself that if I don't have the strength to hold on anymore, I'll let go. ^_*

XOXO,
Me

Super duper extremely HAPPY!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

I'm totally on cloud 9 right now!!! =D Someone bring me back to Earth, please.

After for like, what, 1 year of losing contact with A, A finally replied my e-mail!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always thought that A would never reply my e-mails ever again but I was wrong!!

I've always admired A for his maturity. To recall back 7 years ago, when I was only 12 and A was 15, A was nice and friendly to me although I was childish and annoying (maybe, sometimes). Honestly speaking I knew A through a friend whom I talked with on the phone 7 years ago. His friend gave me his phone number and as bored and "adventurous" as I was at that time, I called A up and we ended up talking for 4 hours! Still it was unbelievable that a 15-year-old teenage guy would even talk to a 12-year-old girl. (I was really really daring back then, calling up random people on my ICQ list to talk =P not anymore =S)

A can be considered as one of my role models. A is extremely independent and smart. A was the reason I tried so hard to improve my speaking in English (after leaving an international school and started speaking in Chinese). He taught me a lot of stuff, though not all directly. I used to be so happy whenever I see him online on my MSN list. Everytime I bumped into him at some shopping mall, my heart would skip a beat out of time and time would stand still. =D Old times...

I used to think if A actually knows I exist, but question no more, cause A does!! While checking my e-mail before dinner today, there it was!!! That familiar name I used to see in my e-mail inbox! A's reply! So he's been busy with study and work....

So I've moved on...I've come out of this fantasy world of mine and found P. Sadly, I think I'm in my own world once again...cause P doesn't seem to care. Half of me wants to give up, half of me thinks that anything is possible no matter how incredible. How I wish I can just live in my dreams where everything is perfect and I'll never get hurt by life's cold hard facts! HAIH~ Oh well, life's like this...and getting hurt is part of growing up as well...so I'm a big girl now, no longer that naive 12-year-old.

Time to face reality, time to grow up and time to be strong!!

If tomorrow never comes, I hope everyone knows how much you guys mean to me and that I wish you guys all the best in everything in life! =) I know I'm starting to sound emo again...but really, you'll never know if there's a tomorrow...

p/s: I'm back to Earth, no more cloud 9...haih...=S Just made up my mind...someday we'll know...

XOXO,
Me

Saturday Morning

Woke up this morning with the feeling of just plopping down onto bed again and sleep -.-

Suddenly P came to my mind...it's been days since I last saw P.

It feels like P does not exist anymore...

Maybe P feels that way towards me as well.

Gotta do some productive stuff today!!

Gotta keep P out of mind =)

XOXO,
Me

Bad Day

Currently listening to Daniel Powter's Bad Day...cause obviously I had a bad day =(

It was nothing really big but...I just feel like a failure, unable to do anything right for once!

First I missed the morning bus because I had to go and take a quick shower, so fine...it was a lecture so it was alright, I could just read it off my textbook.

Then after lunch, I told myself that I can't miss my bus anymore so I prepared everything early. As I was walking out, I bumped into a friend who was washing his car, so I kind of stopped a few seconds to "talk" to him because he was "spraying" me with water...=S When I reached the top of the stairs of Hosanna Heights, there it was...the bus...drove pass me o.O ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!

And I thought to myself, missing 1 bus a day is enough!! So I practically ran to the other bus stop so that I could still reach uni in time for tutorial. Fortunately, the bus wasn't there yet so I waited there under the scorching sun! >.<

Reached for tutorial late, and realised that I forgot to bring my textbook!!! Tutorial handout was on the CNS (Central Nervous System) and were required to label the parts of the brain!!! What the....?!@#$%^& *sigh* Bad bad day...

Took the bus home alone...

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However it wasn't a bad day after that =P Went to E's room and M, L and P were there. After deciding that we were going out to have dinner, L and P went back to their rooms to get ready. Suddenly E suggested to curl my hair so off we went to M's room to curl my hair ^_^ Seriously my hair was so curly I think I looked like a doll...

Woohoo~ =D I was so happy ok?! We had Korean food at Han Kuk Kwan in Chinatown. One of the waiters was so cute...hehehe~ That was M's waiter. According to E there's another cute waiter...lol...

We were so full after that. By the time I finished my dinner, I've forgotten all about my bad day...=))

XOXO,
Me

Another not-too-bad day

Was so proud of myself for sleeping early last night (been sleeping after 1 and 2am for the past few weeks) at around 12am, which wasn't too bad as I needed to wake up before 9am this morning so I'd have slept for more than 8 hours! Woohoo~

Anyway, I'm really happy I had a filling and nutritious breakfast cause breakfast is the most important meal of the day! Yeah! (Excuse my hyper-ness) After finishing my breakfast in 15 mins, I caught the 9:26am bus this morning, realised that P's car was still around and so I thought P took the bus to class.

Didn't feel sleepy in my Psychology lecture at all!! This is totally awesome! This semester isn't as pathetic as the last semester as I have friends to sit with in Psychology lecture...It's great to know that I'm not alone =) and they're really nice people. Been to one of my friends' house last 2 weeks, had a great conversation. That was how we got to know each other more...Z's an early-30s woman who used to teach special kids and now she's studying to change her field or something. Her father died 5 years ago and she shared with me how she became a Christian and so on...According to her, she used to be a really difficult teenager and it's amazing how God touched her.

Enough digressing, will share her story some other time.

Back to my day, yeah...I'm happier this semester. And...I took the bus back home after lecture to have lunch cause I had a 5-hour break in between and I don't really like staying in uni. Reached home, saw that P's car was already gone. Was checking my e-mail while listening to songs when someone knocked on my door. It was E! O.o Oookkkaaayyy...she overslept and missed her class again! *smacks forehead* *shakes head*

Went to have a nap at 12:06pm, asked E to wake me up at lunchtime. After having lunch (lunch was not bad by the way, compared to the usual food) went to E's room to drink my daily serving of tea and we chatted until ermm...3pm??

Our tutor for Rhetoric and Reasoning was on leave for 2 weeks so we had a substitute. She's from Malaysia, which is from where I'm from. I don't know why but suddenly I felt so at home. Surprisingly, I didn't feel sleepy at all during that 4 o'clock class!! Usually I'd sit in my chair and nod off even though the tute group is so small everyone could see! I felt sooooo good!! Felt so productive! After class, I stayed for a group discussion for our group oral presentation.

There are 4 people in my group, including me but 1 guy, Sam, didn't come today. So it was only the 3 of us. We were discussing about our work but halfway through we started talking. Although it seemed like it was a waste of time, I felt that it had broadened my horizon even more. 3 of us, from 3 different countries, with 3 totally different backgrounds, 3 different perspectives on life and stuff...wow!! Sometimes you just think, isn't it amazing how God made each and everyone of us so diffferent, so unique?? *speechless*

This semester I'm opening up more, as in I voice my opinions, I smile to people although they don't smile back etc. I try really hard to organise my life, trying not to do stuff last minute. I hope everything works out...*prays real hard*

Everytime as I step into my room after coming back from class, there'll be a voice inside my head reminding me that I have loads of stuff to do, say NO to temptations! =D Blogging has become a part of my relaxation. I'm typing this post before I start on my work to tell everyone that I'm happy with my day today....everything went smoothly. Managed to pay my tuition fees, which I've been procrastinating for weeks. I just couldn't get myself to print out the invoice and pay at the post office. So yeah, today I did everything I was supposed to do: found my pencil case, got my friends the semester planner and paid my tuition fee. =)

Just a random thought:
Usually people think that old people are difficult, grumpy and cranky but since I came here, maybe it's because I walk on the streets more, I see and meet more people, I realised that the old people here are quite friendly. They greet you and flash you this huge bright smile which reveals their wrinkles on their faces. Hmmm...just today on the bus, I smiled at an old lady and I felt so happy after that! It's true what they say, sometimes smiling just brightens up your day ;)

Then again, I'm afraid to smile at people sometimes, you'll never know what their intentions are. For example just the other day I smiled at this man at the bus stop and he gave me this really cynical smile and winked at me in a very pervertic way. I swear that instant my heart was pounding really hard in my chest!! =S I thought I was about to pass out. I started to be very paranoid. I thought he was gonna harm me or do something evil to me...My goodness! And the phrase "Never talk (in this case, smile) to strangers" came crossing my mind. I believe that people are good at heart but in certain situations, I don't really trust people. People are too evil.

p/s: Was looking through my autograph book a few minutes ago and I came across what my friend wrote for me: Keep your chin up when times are rough...Be of good courage! Do not be afraid to go all out in new things!!! And don't forget to always stay close to God and God will stay close to you. Thanks D!! I guess I haven't been keeping my chin up...

XOXO,
Me

Not-too-bad day

9:15AM
Woke up, felt like going back to bed but brushed off that thought as I had to wake 2 people up


9:20AM
Called E's room several times, no answer; called M, answered but she wanted to go back to sleep so I had to call her at 10AM to wake her up again; called E again, she wanted to go back to sleep as well and yes, I had to call her at 10AM to wake her up again as well

9:30AM
Went down to get breakfast, decided to eat my breakfast in my room cause no one's downstairs...so lonely =(

9:33AM
While eating breakfast, I checked my e-mail, listened to some romantic and gospel songs, checked out friends' blogs...no updates, checked my uni e-mail, enjoying the breeze that came through my half-opened window.

10:00AM
Called E and M to wake them up, M said thanks and E still sounded sleepy and groggy. Read my Psychology textbook, attempting to answer the practical multiple-choice questions...Eyelids felt heavy and my mind started to wander...

11:25AM
Couldn't take it anymore, set my alarm clock at 12:00PM and went to bed.

12:00PM
Hit the snooze button on my handphone

12:09PM
Woke up reluctantly, went to take a shower.

12:35PM
Went down to have my lunch until 1:10PM

1:10PM
Had my daily serving of tea while chatting with E for a while before she rushed out to catch her bus.

1:30PM
Proceeded to read my Psychology textbook again when 2 people msged me on MSN. So I read and chatted at the same time.

2:26PM
Rushed out to catch the bus to go to the city for Human Physiology lecture which starts at 3PM. Met a friend who was catching the same bus...had a short chat.

3:00PM
Was in time for lecture...didn't feel sleepy at all during that 1 hour, and I'm so proud of myself, could absorb almost everything that's been taught.

3:50PM
Lecture ended early, as I was walking to the X1 bus stop (cause I was still deciding on whether I should get that pair of jeans I tried on yesterday, so I smsed my mom to ask her if it's worth it) when I saw the 104 bus passed me by...*sigh* oh well, shall catch the next bus.

4:00PM
Bumped into L while walking towards the bus stop, ended up having a conversation with her. Found it really great to chat with her as the conversation was meaningful and we got the opportunity to know each other better.

4:20PM
The bus finally came!! The bus was packed so L sat in front of me...we continued talking on the way back home. Realised P was on the bus as well. I don't know what happened, the conversation between L and I touched on the topic of reaching out, and I realised the importance to. Both of us agreed that when it comes to action, it's not easy at all...Through our work, we can also do so. It got me thinking why I wanted to be a psychologist in the first place.

5:00PM
Reached home, woohoo!! P didn't look too happy to see me. Came up to my room straightaway and here I am, typing this post.

Overall, my day wasn't too bad, very relaxing and meaningful, in a way...

XOXO,
Me =)

我想...

...是时候放弃了吧！

自从他知道真相后，我们俩就从来没有一次能好好的说话。不是他先跟我吵，就是我找他麻烦。

他和另一个来自同一个国家的女生很要好，又是上同一科，有时候一同上学，兴趣又一致，对我来说，他们是相配的。

我还是承认，我没有很高的自信心，也许是因为太介意了。人家说如果能够在喜欢的人的面前表现自然，那就是真爱，但我做不到。有时候他说的话，会让我觉得我配不上他。

当别人用言语来攻击我，他从来不会站在我这边，反而和他们同一伙来欺负我。虽然我知道他不是认真想捉弄我， 但是我难免有时候会觉得很受伤。

就算全部人知道我喜欢他也罢，因为，我正想放弃了。若我们是应该在一起的，那有一天神会开个路让我门走。我一向来在这方面狠固执，一旦喜欢一个人，就会抱着希望有一天会终成眷属。

我希望我可以下次看到他的时候，若无其事，表现自然。尽管他怎样讥笑我和他的 roommate 我也不在乎了。

人人都问我喜欢他什么，我不知道怎样答复。

哎，从今开始，不想再为他的事烦。

XOXO，
Me

Girls' Ministry

This morning I went for my first ever Girls' Ministry organised by an OCF girl (obviously) and it turned out totally unexpected.
I thought it'd be the usual, praise and worship, someone shares something and that's it.

I suddenly felt so much like a girl (?) LOL~ Probably because there weren't any guys around and what one of the girls said is true, she said that no one understands us better than the ones around us at that moment.

Joanne shared something with us today and the topic was Being Empowered as a Christian Woman. Wow~ Suddenly I'm a woman! Hehe~ =P What she shared was quite private and confidential so I won't be giving much details.

Empowered means being equipped or supplied with an ability. In this case I guess what she was trying to send across was our being equipped the ability to be set free in Christ. In the midst of her sharing, I could hear girls sniffing and sobbing and I could see tears welled up or streaming down their cheeks.

Joanne's sharing was a touching one. She taught us about total freedom. Freedom from addiction. Freedom from hatred. Freedom from unnecessary burdens. Freedom from the past that haunts. Freedom from worldly things. Freedom from others' opinions. Freedom from anything that separates us from God.

Galatians 5: 1
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Everyone knows I'm not good expressing with words, so yeah...this is all I have to say...I guess.

p/s: To all the girls who went for the Girls' Ministry, correct me if I'm wrong...

XOXO.
Me

突然

我又有些感触了。

这几天发生的事情实在不少。有时候决定不想再理会，但是却忍不下心。

他确实对我很好，使我因不想搞得大家都知道才特意对他坏一点。

但是就因为这样，他以为我对他很差！

哎，我该怎么办才好呢？

XOXO,
Me

Guys...

...who don't know how to respect girls, all I can say is I'm sorry for you for you don't possess the basic human characteristic that everyone should have!!!

For the 1st time in 8 months since I came here, I lost my temper!! Seriously, I couldn't stand letting him step on us girls any longer!! Who does he think he is?! He treats girls like objects, like stocks that can be exchanged with money and materialistic things! I feel so sorry for him!!!

Wonder who would ever be his wife (I said I wonder, not cursing) cause I know there are girls out there who would also be together with this kinda guy...but I really wonder who it could be. He wants a wife who can stay at home, do house chores, stay pretty (so that he won't have to vomit for an hour every morning when he sees her, according to him) ISH!!! What the...?!?!

Last year in college, there was this guy who wasn't the type of guy every girl would fall for and there was this girl who fell for him (or at least we thought so) and just last week I got to know a shocking truth! They did IT already...*faints* Can you believe it?! The guy, who always says "the bible says....." did IT with the girl already!! *smacks forehead* And till today, we don't understand what that girl saw in him...

Back to this guy, S, I knew I wasn't thinking too much cause he loves to insult me...It's his joy to see me pissed! When I told him "I live for myself and not others. As long as my conscience is clear, I don't have to care what people say about me." He straight away replied me "Then why do you have to defend yourself?" HELLOOOO??!! I wasn't trying to defend myself, I was trying to defend the whole of female population?!?! How could he insult us girls like that?!

Please God, help me the next time he does it again. Help me to be more patient...

If he does it again, I need someone to back me up...not a bunch of guys who back him up! ARRGGGHHHH!! I don't blame the others cause I know he's their friend and that they don't wanna have any conflict with him, but hello?! Cowards...sometimes guys are such cowards!!

I understand that he had been SCARRED by girls in the past, it's alright. I forgive him...no point being angry anymore since he'll never understand. I used to hate guys too, but I've changed cause I know it's immature to generalise. Not all guys are like that...I know a few who really respect girls. So now I'm opening up once again...hopefully S realises this...or maybe I hope that he only hates me. I am the problem...

I felt like screaming but I can't...so now I feel alot better now letting all out here...phew~ Why me?! What did I do!? Now I understand how E feels when someone hates her...it's not a good feeling at all...please don't try to convince me that he doesn't hate me until he proves it himself.

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After typing all those above, I think back of my primary school days =P The days when I got bullied by guys in my class...so since then I developed a love-hate feeling towards guys until high school. Haven't had any guy friends in high school other than those I already knew in primary school until I went to college last year.

But the good thing was after leaving primary school, I started to talk to my primary school guy friends and most of them said I was damn fierce *hehe~* And through chatting on MSN, I made quite a few good guy friends. That was how my impression towards guys changed...I'm thinking twice now though.

Anyway, enough of polluting my blog about S. I shall just stop here...tomorrow's a brand new day!! =D smile and the whole world will smile with you!

XOXO,
Me

Embarrassing moment part 2

1st embarrassing moment

OK...it was a Thursday and I had my psychology tutorial at 12pm.

Before tute, I went to print out some stuff at the computer pool...I was being a little paranoid leaving my mobile phone on the computer table while I collected my printed stuff at the printer, so I brought it along.

After sms-ing with P and all, I left my mobile phone by the printer. I didn't even realise that something was missing until a girl came in the computer pool and announced "There's a mobile phone outside by the printer, did anyone here leave it outside?" OMG!! At that very moment, I just wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury my head in it!!!

What to do right?? I just stood up, looked at the floor while walking towards the printer and mumble thanks under my breath >_<

2nd embarrassing moment

It was 11:55am, on the same day...my friend who was at the same computer pool has already rushed off for tute and so I thought I was late and started rushing as well. After packing my stuff and all, I ran to the tutorial room. As I pushed open the door, I saw the room crowded with unfamiliar faces! I thought I was late...everyone was staring at me.

"Are you really really late or are you really really early?"
I thought she was being extremely sarcastic and I thought she hated people being late so I answered, "Ermm...really really late?"
"In that case, do u mind coming for the next class cause it's pointless for u to come in for just 5 mins?"

At that very moment I realised that I wasn't late...I was early!! She was still conducting the 11-12pm tutorial!!!
It was super embarrassing!!
My friend who had gone off early came and saw the whole episode...haha...The reason I didn't see her waiting outside was she went to the toilet! *smacks forehead*

My life is always full of embarrassing moments...

XOXO,
Me