Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My Best Friend's Wedding

Well, due to Pras' influence, I finally borrowed My Best Friend's Wedding DVD from the State Library and watched it. I'm having mixed feelings right now...

It's a very old movie and I remember watching it with my parents...but somehow, I got the plot wrong..LOL So, now I finally know what the movie is ACTUALLY about! XD

Anyway, yeah...It says "Julianne fell in love with her best friend the day he decided to marry someone else!" What do you think of that? Remember my previous post, about being jinxed with guy friends? Hah! After watching that movie, I'm convinced that I'll actually end up like that. Cause you see, I used to believe that the opposite sex can be best friends and not fall for each other but now I don't! Cause you see, in my opinion, girls are always at the "losing end" (Joo 2008). We tend to fall for our best (guy) friend first and if we do, it's so hard to win a guy's heart. If a guy falls for his best (girl) friend, it's easier to win her heart. I don't know, that's what I think...

All in all, I only have 1 thought right now...that is I don't think I can ever get married. LOL The reason is simple. I wanna get married to my best friend. But, best friends don't always end up with each other...and who knows? Maybe one day my best friend will get married and I would have to be his maid of honour and tell him goodbye. ='( Period.


Friday, May 23, 2008

Something's terribly wrong...

...with me, I think.

Everytime I listen to songs, I think of the people + events that go with it.

Eg.: My neighbour used to lend me a Wang Lee Hom CD and so everytime I listen to the songs from that CD, I think of him.

Eg. 2: When I was still into A, I used to listen to this particular song, now when I listen to it, A will still come into my mind and remind me of the past.



My visual personality

Came across this visual personality thing on my friend's blog...and I gave it a go myself. It's quite accurate I must say!!

Click here to see my visual personality =)

Go check it out and get yours! ;)

Gonna type a proper post after I've submitted my assignments!! Stay tune!


Saturday, May 17, 2008

Dear John

The title of this post is the title of the book I just finished reading. Yes, I was considering whether to finish reading it or not but I finally did. *sigh* It's always like this. Whenever I feel down/depressed, it has to rain...

I read it on the bus, this time not caring whether anyone's looking...cause I just cried like nobody's business!!!! The book simply left me with a hole in my heart, a heartache. ='(( I think I'm starting to love Nicholas Spark's books. His 2 books - A walk to remember and The notebook - were made into blockbuster movies and I loved them!! Although I enjoyed the books more than the movies cause the books made me cry like a baby whereas the movies did not totally portray the stories in the books. Now I'm hoping that Dear John will be made into a movie cause I know I'll cry my heart out.

I used to be completely naive about love. I thought things too simply. I used to think that as long as 2 people are in love, nothing matters and that they'll eventually be together...boy, I was wrong!! Now I have a totally different perspective of love! How do you define love? It's so subjective I don't even know where to start! Reading Dear John really makes me dwell in John's (the main male character) feelings. Everything he felt, everything that he went through etc. And I CANNOT imagine if I was in his shoes, losing the girl he loves to the girl's childhood friend, and seeing her with her wedding ring....Why?!?! When I read this:

When she released my hand, I saw her wedding band glinting on her left finger. The sight of it doused me with a cold splash of reality.
She recognised my expression. "Yes," she said, "I'm married."

I felt like stabbing myself!!!! =S I can literally feel his heart breaking.

The girl's (Savannah) husband, Tim, had this disease and the doctors weren't sure if he could make it. During John's visit to the hospital, this is what Tim said to him:

"You still love her, don't you? It's OK, I already know. I've always known. I can still remember Savannah's face the first time she talked about you. I'd never seen her like that. I was happy for her because there was something about you that I trusted right away. That whole first year you were gone, she missed you so much. It was like her heart was breaking a little bit every single day. You were all she could think about. And then she found out you weren't coming home and we ended up in Lenoir and my parents died and...You always knew I was in love with her too, didn't you?"

I nodded.

"I thought so. I've loved her since I was 12 years old. And gradually, she fell in love with me, too."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it wasn't the same. I know she loves me, but she's never loved me the way she loved you. She never had that burning passion for me, but we were making a good life together. Then I got sick, but she's always here, caring for me the same way I'd care for her if it was happening to her. Yesterday, when you came in, I saw the way she was looking at you, and I knew that she still loved you. More than that, I know she always will. It breaks my heart, but you know what? I'm still in love with her, and to me that means that I want nothing more than for her to be happy in life. I want that more than anything. It's all I've ever wanted for her."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying don't forget Savannah if anything happens to me. And promise that you'll always treasure her the same way I do."


"Don't say anything, John. Just remember what I say, okay?"

Outside the hospital, when John bumped into Savannah. The part which made me tear like crazy!!

"Were you going to come say good-bye?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead."

"What did you and Tim talk about?"

"You should probably ask him that question."

"So this is good-bye?"

"Yes, I think it is."

"Can I write to you?"

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"I don't understand."

"Yes, you do. You're married to Tim, not me. He's a good man, Savannah. A better man than me, that's for sure, and I'm glad you married him. As much as I love you, I'm not willing to break up a marriage for it. And deep down, I don't think you are, either. Even if you love me, you love him, too. It took me a little while to realise that, but I'm sure of it."

"Will we ever see each other again?"

"I don't know but I'm hoping we don't."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it means that Tim's going to be okay. And I have a feeling that it's all going to turn out the way it should."

"You can't say that! You can't promise that!"

"No, I can't."

"Then why does it have to end now? Like this?"

A tear spilled down her face, and despite the fact that I knew I should simply walk away, I took a step forward to her. When I was close, I gently wiped it away. In her eyes I could see fear and sadness, anger and betrayal. But most of all, I saw them pleading with me to change my mind.

"You're married to Tim, and your husband needs you. All of you. There's no room for me, and we both know there shouldn't be."

As more tears started flowing down her face, I felt my own eyes fill up. I leaned in and kissed Savannah gently on the lips, then took her in my arms and held her tight.

"I love you, Savannah, and I always will. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were my best friend and my lover, and I don't regret a single moment of it. You made me feel alive again, and most of all, you gave me my father. I'll never forget that. You're always going to be the very best part of me. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to leave, and you have to see your husband."

As I spoke, I could feel her shaking with sobs, and I continued to hold her for a long time afterward. When we finally separated, I knew that it would be the last time I ever held her. I backed away, my eyes holding Savannah's.

"I love you too, John.


And with that, she wiped her face and began walking toward the hospital.
Love is just too complicated!! Both of them still love each other but...somehow she also loves her husband...I know her love for both of them is different...OMG...I'm going round n round in circles! I can't get my thoughts straight. Before I end this pointless post, take a read:

I finally understood what true love really meant. Tim had told me - and shown me - that love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.

I lead my life feeling that something is missing that I somehow need to make my life complete. I know that my feeling about Savannah will never change, and I know I will always wonder about the choice I made. And sometimes, despite myself, I wonder if Savannah feels the same way.

I end up typing such a long post...but I just have to share this story with the whole world!! =') I wonder if I would make the same choice as John did...*sigh*


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I think I'm jinxed...

...with buses and guys. Now, before you think, "oh, this is another guy problem", no it's not like that.

First, I'll talk about buses. *sigh* Some days when I don't miss the bus and actually reach uni on time, I feel like the heavenly lights is shining down on me; when I miss the bus AND reach uni late, I feel like there's a dark cloud hovering above me, showering its rain down on me. =( It happens everytime!! Everytime I reach the bus stop 5 mins early (and the time is for the 3 bus stops before the bus stop I wait at), I'll either have the bus just coming OR I can wait there for ages and no buses will be in sight! ARGH! This is so frustrating! =S Just today, I reached the bus stop early and I waited and waited and waited, so I thought, "oh well, missed the bus, will just have to wait for the next one which comes in 15 mins' time". After 15 mins, 2 buses that drive along the same route came!! 2!! At the same time! What the...?! Nevermind that, I just got on the bus whichever stopped first and boy I made a BIG mistake! The bus driver drove like a graduate of Driving School from Hell! He drove soooo fast I couldn't even sit properly as my bum kept springing up from my seat due to the swaying of the bus! *sweat* =.=

OK, now to the guy thing. Was listening to this song called "Arms of Mary" and memories flashed back to me. This song was sent to me by a friend I knew in college, M. We were so close, we chatted online, talked about things we wouldn't talk about with others, exchanged songs, asked each other advices on certain stuff etc. He liked this girl, M2, in college and everyone knew it. *fast forward* After he got together with M2, we drifted apart. It was like everything that evolved in this world was her. And I remember him saying to me one day in college, "what if she thinks that there's something between u and me? And there goes my chance of being with her."
I wonder if the reason we drifted apart was what he said to me, or was it simply because he spent most of his time with her. Don't get me wrong though, I never liked him more than a friend. =) Anyway, I wonder how they are now. He hasn't been coming online for more than a year now! Totally lost contact with him...Oh, and why am I jinxed? Cause the 3 guys who used to be my best guy friends, eventually found their significant other and "ditched" me. Wow...*sarcastic tone*

Oh well, life's like that...Just a random thought while listening to that song.


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Teardrops on my guitar

Since Maree and I are so crazy over this song, I might as well post the video here...Watching the video is even sadder ='(

Monday, May 12, 2008


After reading my housemate's blog about this guy being a total angel by working in order to get his gf an air ticket so that she could fly here, to Adelaide, to see him, it kinda tugged at my heart. LOL
I know I should be working on this essay of mine, but my mind keeps wandering...

Just realised today's 11th of May. It's also the day I should return the book I borrowed from the State Library. But I haven't finished reading it...I'm not sure if I WANT to finish reading it. It's written by Nicholas Sparks, the author of A Walk to Remember and The Notebook, both really touching romantic movies.=')

So I turned to the last chapter to read...and after a few lines, I feel like crying already! Now you understand why I'm not sure I want to finish reading it. Last Wednesday, when I was reading this book on the bus on the way to uni, tears filled up my eyes. Trying to blink the tears away, I looked up to let the sunshine dry them. But it was super embarrassing!!! Cause a guy saw me "crying" and he wouldn't stop gosh! So I buried my head in my bag...Lesson learnt: Never read touching books on the bus!!

I love getting myself lost in books (not textbooks, thank you very much). Everytime I read, I feel like I'm in a world of my own. No worries, no frustrations, nobody else but me. However, I hate the feeling when I have to draw myself away from the book, because it just feels like I've just landed back on Earth, and everything else negative that goes with it rushes back to me, making me grasping for air. *sigh* I'm sure Maree understands this feeling...LOL ;) or maybe not.

Why is it sometimes in life, even though 2 people love each other so deeply, they just can't be together?! Why!? I can never understand breaks my heart (literally) everytime I read them in books/watch them in movies. I can actually FEEL the pain. If it means losing the one I love, I'd rather never have them in the first place. People might say "it's better than to have loved before than to never loved at all". I totally disagree to that!!

*sigh* Ok ok...enough of this sadness, I'll tell you something interesting that has happened to me for the past week! Last Monday was my 20th birthday! And I think it was rather memorable! =D Well, I was dreading the arrival of my birthday because 1) I didn't have a plan on how to celebrate 2) Even if I had a plan, I wouldn't be able to celebrate with EVERYONE who means something to me 3) my birthday fell on a weekday, which meant most of the people would be quite busy with their work/simply don't feel like going out on a weekday.

Since most of the people wouldn't wanna go out on a Monday, I decided to "celebrate" it with my housemate on Sunday night by going out for dessert and a drink. After deciding where to go for dessert and a drink, I asked another friend, J, who lives in the suburb to come along as well. My housemate even put make-up on me! LOL it's the 2nd time I have make up on after prom. At first everything went OK, we went to the dessert place as planned. Was kind of disappointed with the dessert though cause it wasn't satisfactory. Anyway, after finishing our dessert, we headed to Chocolate Bean, to realise that it was CLOSED!! =S Bummer! So the 3 of us ended up walking up and down Rundle Street, hoping to find a place that serves cocktails (the reason we wanted to go to Choc Bean was to try out a cocktail called Toblerone). In the end we settled down at CIBO for a drink instead. I felt so bad towards J cause she took the bus all the way to the city just to walk up and down Rundle Street =S

When I woke up Monday morning to go to my Human Nutrition prac which required us to fast (we were gonna do a Glycaemic Index prac), I felt crap, thinking "here it goes...birthday = no birthday..." I was prepared to not have anything special on that day to avoid disappointment.

*fast forward*

Came back from class in the afternoon, was on my computer, deleting applications on my facebook page when my house mate came into my room asking me what I was doing. So I just simply replied "cleaning my facebook page" and she was gone, back to her room. After a split second, she waltzed into my room with a cake in hand whilst exclaiming in a very high-pitched voice, "Happy Birthday!!!" LOL I suddenly felt awake! Awwww~ How sweet of her!! I guess she knew how "miserable" I was XD She took a picture of me blowing "invisible candles" on the cake. We decided to save the cake for dessert at night.

Our initial plan was to go to Chocolate Bean that night because we didn't make it the night before but when I called Choc Bean up, the woman on the other line told me that they closed at 6pm =( So we thought maybe we can just go another day. That night, I was doing some readings when my friends, E and L, called to say they've reached my place. I went down to open the door for them. They said they wanted to come up to my apartment so I thought y not?

*fast forward*

My bible study leaders planned a surprise birthday mini party for me! How thoughtful of them...and a friend from OCF baked a cake for me with marshmallows lined up on the cake to make out my age! Awwww~ Was kinda touched. That was my 1st ever birthday surprise =) So, my birthday was memorable after all. Oh, and I had 2 leftover cakes to be eaten for breakfast the whole week! Hahaha...


Thursday, May 01, 2008

what should i say...

...when I see him online?

He's still as friendly as nice as ever...

However, I just don't know what to say...

I don't wanna come across to him as a 12-year-old he got to know...

I wanna "sound" different...more mature maybe? =S

Never knew this was gonna be so hard...=(