Friday, November 30, 2007

food for thought

i've been home for 4 days already...instead of feeling relaxed n happy, i feel worried and troubled.

it made me realise how fast time flies...with a blink of an eye, i'll be out working as a psychologist (hopefully) and it would be the time to make a decision on where i wanna settle down - malaysia or adelaide (or any other part of the world)?

i told myself before that i'll juz accept whatever God brings me to...if i get a husband in adelaide n he wants to stay there, so be it. but what if i'm still single by the time i graduate and i dunno where to settle? family or career? i know that maybe, juz maybe i'll earn more n progress more if i work outside malaysia but my family members are all back home...and they won't live forever. would i wanna risk not seeing them and regret later on?

not only that, seeing the dilemma my cousin sister has to go through got me thinking as well. now that she has a baby, she's in a dilemma if she wants to stay at home to look after her baby or go to work and let her parents bring the baby home to be cared for. personally, i would wanna look after my baby myself but on the other hand, my cousin needs to work as well as they wouldn't be able to afford raising the baby.

i know this sounds crazy...i only finished 1st year of uni and i'm thinking about this. i used to say "i'll graduate first and then i'll see how it goes" but time flies way too fast...before i know it, i'll be graduating and i'll be realising that i haven't planned much. mayb it'd be way easier if i never get married, but what IF i do? will i give up the opportunity to work just to stay at home n take care of my child? for a person as sentimental as myself, i wanna witness every progress my child makes...reading has opened my eyes to the fact that we should find ways to open doors for ourselves. although karencheng is a stay-at-home-mom, she seems to have fun and leads her life to the fullest. as she's interested in art, she finds ways to improve herself in this industry without feeling that her kids pose as a burden to her.

some people think that kids are a burden to them but the fact is it's the parents' fault that they did not plan carefully before deciding to have kids! *sigh* i dunno...i know i sound like a crazy woman...shall stop right here before people think i'm off in the head.

ok ok, i'd better stop right here before i go on n on n on about my worries about the future.


Friday, November 23, 2007


Exams are officially over yesterday...and I thank God that He's always with me during the good times and the bad.

Without Him, I would've just given up...

So, what did I do after my exams?

M2 and I went to get bubble tea straightaway! WOOHOO~

Then we met up with E and L for lunch...was a little full on the pearls in the bubble tea, so ended up eating an original spud with butter, cheese and sour cream!

Came back...I had my nap until 7 something (or was it 8?) Had my "dinner" at 9+ not me.

Anyway, we watched Silence of the Lambs, which is a psychological thriller, and The Ring (japanese version)...Went to bed at 4am =S

Can't believe, on the day I finish my exams, my lifestyle became so unhealthy...oh, not forgetting the part where E and I went down to make something to eat...eating at ungodly hours!!

Gotta pack my things today...hopefully I won't get a headache.

p/s: I'm currently in love with Shayne Ward...<3 *melts in a puddle* XP

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Counting down the days...

...till I see your face once again.

By now, J has already arrived in Pg, back to her cozy and comfy home and loving parents.

I'm stuck here, with one last paper to sit for the day after tomorrow but it seems so faraway...

Supposed to be studying about the female reproductive system, hormones and the skin, instead, I'm here blogging!!

Seriously, I feel a bit scared to go home, not knowing if it'd feel the same way before...having spent most of my days here in Australia.

What if there's a gap between us?

Oh well, talking about going home, I still don't have a clue where my plane ticket is!!!!!!!

*panicking* I have this piece of paper with my flight details printed on it...but is that the ticket?? J says I have to print an electronic ticket from the internet...but how?! =S

Laugh at me all you want, this is gonna be my first time flying on my own...I'm so excited seriously!! XD

Can't believe my 1st year of uni has come and gone, just like that...with a blink of an eye!

I feel old...It's alright, according to psychology research, people are only old when they feel old. So, I'm gonna remain young at heart!!!! So what if P thinks I'm childish?! I don't give a damn...lalala~

OK, gotta get my ass to studying...hormones...I even dreamt of hormones =.= *sigh* Study, sit for exams, enjoy and fly home! That's my ultimate goal...

p/s: Reminds me of a song called "That's my goal" by Shayne Ward, winner of X-Factor...super romantic!!! <3

Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from
You know my story
You know why I'm standing here...
Please don't go
Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear
Make it right

Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something
Worth reaching for

I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal

Please don't go
You know that I need you
I can't breathe without you
Live without you
Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
No more...

I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal

Well I won't stop believing
That we will be living together
So when I say I love you
I mean it forever and ever
ever and ever....

I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
Yes I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal....


Thursday, November 15, 2007

Emotional numbing

A is online now...

If it was me a year ago, my heart would've beaten a thousand times faster...

Now, I don't feel a thing...all I wanna know is if he's doing OK.

All I wanna do is to just chat with him once again like old days...

When I was still an inquisitive little kid and he would call me "little girl" teasingly...

Old days...

Too bad I've grown up now and he has his life to lead.



Ain't it funny?

Supposed to be studying psychology, yes.

Instead I chatted with a friend....

Isn't it funny that whenever we have something we don't appreciate it, but when we lose it then we see the value and regret not appreciating it.

Some people search for true love....but what exactly is true love?!

When we think that we've found our true love, it turns out otherwise.

I admit that I can't wait to find my one true love (in human sense), but at the end of the day, God has my life planned out perfectly...therefore I don't have to worry about anything.

My friend, J2, who is seldom single is constantly searching for the one...she said she can't help but feel phobic because of her failed relationships.

Aren't those failed relationships suppose to be lessons learnt?

This whole "love" thing is so complicated for some, but so simple for some...

One of my friends, M, once big is the probability for 2 human beings to actually love each other?

I think it's's either 1 loves the other first or vice versa.

What's my point of typing this post? I dunno...LOL

It just amuses me how different people view relationships.

Hehehe~ as for me, I'm still stuck in fairytales XP

Gotta get back to studying!!!


Sunday, November 11, 2007

I'm alive, people!!

Yo yo yo yo....

hehehehe~ As you can tell by the title and the "opening" of this post, I am an extremely happy girl right now!

Been down with fever for the past 3 days =( It was terrible!!!! >.<

Tuesday afternoon, while studying in my room, I felt a throbbing headache so I went to have a nap, thinking that I must've been too stressed. Considering the fact that I felt nausea the whole day didn't help much as well...Woke up for dinner...had no appetite and my throbbing headache was worse than ever! Couldn't study at all...went to bed with 2 panadols.

Praying that my fever would subside soon so that I could resume my revision, I woke up with utter disappointment. Headache was still there and I felt like vomiting every time I saw food. *SIGH* Honestly my headache was that bad that I can't even remember what happened on Wednesday...

*fast forward*

Slept the whole Thursday...did study a few pages of lymphocytes =S Anyway, Friday morning, I woke up feeling cold even though I was underneath my blanket...which means I haven't recovered from my fever yet...After having my lunch, I felt better. When I got up to wipe myself with warm water, I thought I was OK until I took the bus to the city! I felt like fainting the whole way. The bus was super crowded with high school kids and their loud chattering made my headache worse!! Was hoping I could reach the city sooner so that I could go get the porridge I was craving for since I had fever but the bus kept stopping at bus stops to let passengers on board/alight. Once I stepped foot under the sun @.@ My head was throbbing even harder....Supposed to be the backup singer for OCF that night but I just couldn't do it. Asked E to take my place. As if having fever n throbbing headache is not enough, I had to burn my tongue while eating my porridge!! =S

It's prayers have been is all new!! Time to study!!

p/s: Just a super duper short update to let you guys know I'm alive and well!! Don't worry =D


Thursday, November 01, 2007

Don't you just find it frustrating...

...when someone who doesn't even know what your nickname means makes assumptions?

Last night, after an encounter with annoying guys who act cool and all in front of their friends, I changed my nickname to:

Ee Lin 依灵 realises that guys are only nice when they're alone with you, they're jerks when they're around their friends

This morning, a primary school guy friend sent me a msg regarding my nickname AND assumed that I fell for a guy but he turned out to be a jerk!! What the....

Anyway, didn't wanna talk much to him either. We used to be the bestest friends. People say a guy and a girl can never be best friends but we did it...until of course he got too caught up into finding a gf and when he eventually did, he "ditched" me. Only came to me when he had problems with his gf...

*sigh* Seriously, best friends won't do that to you. They'll try to keep in touch with u no matter what, through the good times and the bad. That is why, I'm thankful to have my best friends N, JM, YX and KT!! Cause although we may be seas apart, we still try to keep in touch (via msn, e-mail, facebook etc.)

I guess life's like this. When a door closes, another opens. Sometimes I can't help but to look back at the closed door, but they say never frown over something that once made you smile. So...I guess I just have to be glad that happened, it taught me about life.

Hah!! Being a little's alright!! It's a brand new day...I'm gonna be happy happy happy!!