Friday, November 30, 2007

food for thought

i've been home for 4 days already...instead of feeling relaxed n happy, i feel worried and troubled.

it made me realise how fast time flies...with a blink of an eye, i'll be out working as a psychologist (hopefully) and it would be the time to make a decision on where i wanna settle down - malaysia or adelaide (or any other part of the world)?

i told myself before that i'll juz accept whatever God brings me to...if i get a husband in adelaide n he wants to stay there, so be it. but what if i'm still single by the time i graduate and i dunno where to settle? family or career? i know that maybe, juz maybe i'll earn more n progress more if i work outside malaysia but my family members are all back home...and they won't live forever. would i wanna risk not seeing them and regret later on?

not only that, seeing the dilemma my cousin sister has to go through got me thinking as well. now that she has a baby, she's in a dilemma if she wants to stay at home to look after her baby or go to work and let her parents bring the baby home to be cared for. personally, i would wanna look after my baby myself but on the other hand, my cousin needs to work as well as they wouldn't be able to afford raising the baby.

i know this sounds crazy...i only finished 1st year of uni and i'm thinking about this. i used to say "i'll graduate first and then i'll see how it goes" but time flies way too fast...before i know it, i'll be graduating and i'll be realising that i haven't planned much. mayb it'd be way easier if i never get married, but what IF i do? will i give up the opportunity to work just to stay at home n take care of my child? for a person as sentimental as myself, i wanna witness every progress my child makes...reading has opened my eyes to the fact that we should find ways to open doors for ourselves. although karencheng is a stay-at-home-mom, she seems to have fun and leads her life to the fullest. as she's interested in art, she finds ways to improve herself in this industry without feeling that her kids pose as a burden to her.

some people think that kids are a burden to them but the fact is it's the parents' fault that they did not plan carefully before deciding to have kids! *sigh* i dunno...i know i sound like a crazy woman...shall stop right here before people think i'm off in the head.

ok ok, i'd better stop right here before i go on n on n on about my worries about the future.


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