Saturday, March 22, 2008


Every single thing - songs, people on the streets, the colour of the sky, pics of family and friends - u name it, makes me wanna cry.

Even chatting with a friend makes me cry.

First time ever in my life, I wanna cry n cry n cry n cry n cry until the tears in me run dry.
I wanna cry till the sun rises on the horizon the next day.
I wanna cry till every emotion is numbed.
I wanna cry till I never cry ever again in my lifetime.
I wanna cry till my eyes go blind.

I just wanna cry...
I just need a shoulder to lean on n cry,
or to cry in a friend/family member's embrace.

YF, sorry if I scared u...thanks for listening to me, really appreciate it but my tears are flowing again. Damn!! I'll try to be strong...really need to. =)



刚刚读过我小学好朋友的blog, 目前在考虑要到哪里念书。





Monday, March 17, 2008

What I came across

While surfing the internet, I came across this quote:

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,
you can't go on well in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Maybe...'s God's sign to let me know I'm not alone.

Every time my world crumbles, I'll bump into people I know, people who mean something to me. =)
After letting out the tears in the morning chatting with my friend and sms-ing my best friend back home, I sms-ed my mom to let her know I actually miss them alot, which resulted in more crying. Anyway, as I was walking to the bus stop this afternoon, I bumped into the friend whom I was chatting with...and what do u know?! My tears flowed out like streams of river =S It wasn't a very pretty sight. We hugged and that instant I felt that I'm not alone. Well, it was quite a funny way how we met. We were queuing up at the Adelaide airport and I heard her squealing about the security dogs so I turned around and we smiled at each other. I thought that was the end of it but little did I know that she's actually studying at the same campus as I am. And I'm not sure if it's coincidence, 2nd sem last year, we took the same subject and from then on I didn't have to dread going to class alone cause I know that she'll be there, together with some other friends.

Then after class today, on the way back to my apartment, I bumped into a friend whom I got to know last year in Easter Camp. Well, I was his angel. LOL Anyway, when he asked how I'm doing, I felt like crying again. Luckily I excused myself fast...cause I needed to get some stuff before heading home. While walking, a lady opened her arms wide and walked towards me, looking really happy to see me. On second look, I realised that she's the resident pastor who stays at the hostel I used to live in. Last year, she prayed for me at the dining table because I was too stressed and was about to cry. This year, she appeared again on the same day I cried. I think it's really God.

Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I do not know how to answer. How I'm doing, as in physically, emotionally or mentally? If u're talking about the physical aspect, can't u see for urself? Mentally...If I'm not fine mentally I wouldn't be able to converse with you, would I?? My emotions change like the weather, sometimes predictable sometimes not. So it's hard to say. Right now, if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm not doing fine. I'm panicking about assignments, missing my parents, relatives and friends badly AND looking forward to summer holidays (I know, summer is still here...but I can't wait already!!).

I learnt today in my psychology lecture, that dreams are unsatisfied desires. So I reckon that my desire to go home is suppressed to the extent that I dream of them. OK, better go..starting to babble again.


Weird dreams in the night

And again...I had weird dreams.

I know one of the dreams was about my insecurity and I shall not reveal the dream here cause it's juz too out-of-this-world even I cannot believe it myself.

You know, I made this new year resolution that I shall not be too emotional anymore but somehow sometimes I feel like crying!! Anyway, back to my dreams. I dreamt that I was back in my aunt's house and my cousin brought her 6-month-old son along all the way from Singapore. He was really really happy to see me and he wanted me to carry him. In that dream, I actually felt how I felt for him in real life. That warm fuzzy feeling everytime I see/carry him. While learning about child language development yesterday, I nearly cried, thinking that when I get back and see him again, he'd be 1+ year old and could speak already. Seriously I never felt so much for a baby before I treat him like my own son and I really really really really love him to bits.

I don't know if this is a test from God or what, but everytime when my life seems to be perfect, it crumbles down again...and feelings of insecurity and depression overwhelm me so much that I can't hold back my tears any longer. Why?! Why do we even have to grow up? I thought studying overseas would be fun, you know? I always thought it as a holiday...but no. When reality sinkcs in, lfe is not as easy as that. I hate it!! Another thing I hate is that I get attached to people too easily. I hate it when that happens because I have to have people I'm attached to to be around often. Not always, but often. To this point, I dunno what I'm babbling about anymore...

p/s: Sue...I don't think I'll find back me in Adelaide...I worry too much here, I cry too much here...


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

cool!! it's quite accurate...except 1 or 2. XD
Sometimes I just hate Australia. Everything closes down so early and when it comes to public holidays, nothing's opened!! Gotta wait another day to get my fan...I'm melting...


Sunday, March 09, 2008

New Life

3 weeks have come and gone since I came back to old boring Adelaide. When I boarded the plane at the Penang International Airport (PIA) alone for the first time, I thought, "Damn!! I'm turning 20 this year, it's time to grow up and face the harsh reality of life!" Well, although I boarded the plane alone when I went home, it was different because I knew I was going back to the place where my parents shower me with love whereas this time, I'm leaving for a place where I have to be independent in taking care of things myself whilst juggling with studies. I so wanted to cry but I held back the tears, thinking that I must NOT break my new year resolution!! As I said before, I'm a very confused girl. I feel like I'm living 2 lives now - 1 in Adelaide and the other 1 in Penang. Everytime when I start to get used to things, I have to leave for the other place. Only then I realised that I'm the kind of person who doesn't like changes. I get stressed and depressed for sometime before getting used to things. =(

So, before I came back to Adelaide during the summer, I planned to move out of my hostel. The reasons are:
  1. I'm sick of the hostel food and seriously the manager is over charging us (at least i save some money when I move out)
  2. I wanna be more independent - both in life and entertainment. In the aspect of life, I guess I wanna learn some living skills such as cooking and managing a place; in entertainment sense, I don't wanna always depend on other people for entertainment, you know, cause I used to crash my hostel mates' rooms so often that sometimes I just can't sit still and finish my assignment! XP
  3. Moving to the city equals no more 30-35 mins bus rides to the city.
  4. Thinking of working in the city...see how it goes =)
Anyway, at this exact moment as I'm typing this, my housemate, J, has gone out to a friend's birthday party and I'm alone. So lonely. I feel so helpless when I can't sms my best friend or my parents because I've exceeded my credit limit!! >.< This makes me realise that I'm the kind of person who is afraid of being alone!!

What a crappy post...anyway, will update when I'm in a better mood...hope I don't get depressed anytime soon. =S