Sunday, October 14, 2007

Give thanks... any circumstance.

I'm not sure why but Fridays are usually the worst day of my week. On Fridays, I'm messed up, unprepared for the day and everything goes wrong.

It was the same yesterday. I was supposed to sit for Human Physiology quiz yesterday. The night before, I finished off my Psychology essay and started working real hard on studying for my quiz. Woke up early to study as well. I crammed as much information as possible, hoping that I'd not do too bad in the quiz as this is the final quiz of the semester and it's worth 10%!

At around 12pm, my friends came and asked if I wanted to have lunch with them at Chinatown so I said ok since I need to have lunch before my tutorial anyway. Got changed without showering, packed my stuff and out we went to the city!

There was an accident along North Terrace so the bus arrived our stop later than usual. We walked as fast as possible to Chinatown so that we'd get our food soon and I can finish my food early and rush to uni. I gobbled up my food up in 15-20 mins and started walking towards uni. While walking I felt like vomiting the beef noodles I just ate. Anyway, usually my tutor gives some revision on the topic that we're supposed to have our quiz on and then give us the quiz during the last half an hour before tutorial ends. I was so sure!!

The worst thing happened when I reached my tutorial, panting and sweating, being late for 10 minutes. Everyone stared at me in silence and the tutor gave me a weird look. My heart was having a battle inside whether I should say something or go get a seat. So I said, "I'm really sorry I'm late..." whilst walking to a seat. No one moved...everyone was dead still and I thought that I was in deep shit!! That moment, the tutor opened his mouth, saying, "You're short of these" and showing me the quiz papers in his hand. So, I forced my voice out and asked, "Can I have one please?" The tension in class was so intense I felt myself hot all over and wanting to kill myself that very moment. He said, "No" When that word came out from his mouth, my heart was pounding like crazy in my chest, I thought I was gonna suffocate. I thought I heard him wrongly until he repeated the same thing. He said I couldn't take the quiz because everyone else has done and marked it!! The worst thing was when he said, "I'm not sure how long you've been outside studying." What the...?!@#$% He thought I was outside studying?! That very second, I felt my world turning....This can't happen to me!! I rushed all my way from Chinatown right after having my beef noodles, risking having a super bad digestion because I ran and I went there for nothing!!!! I was so embarrassed after how he treated me. Considering the fact that I'm the only Chinese there and I have to experience this kinda shitty thing didn't help at all! No one said anything and they all went, "awwww" I didn't even bother to differentiate whether that "awwww" was a sympathetic one or a sarcastic one. I mumbled, "Oh, ok" and went to take a seat. Thinking that they were still discussing the answers to the quiz, I politely asked the girl next to me if I could have a look at hers. Little did I know, the second I sat down, the tutor went, "OK! You guys can go now!"

ARRGGGHHHH!! It was so frustrating...I went there for 5 minutes and I'm gone!! Sms-ed a few of my Penang friends to tell them what happened (like what I always used to do back home) and called my friends who were still at Charlie's Shack (the beef noodle shop) to meet them up. Briefly told them that I missed my quiz. I was angry at myself for being late...but I was angry at my tutor as well for embarrassing me in front of the whole class!! Where would I put my face after this?! Met up with E and L. Waited at the bus stop in front of Royal Adelaide Hospital (RAH) and when E asked me what exactly happened, I burst out crying halfway. I never felt so devastated in my life. I cried so loudly everyone could hear me...but I just didn't care! I was so angry and anger turned to tears...It was all so comical though, L scolded E for making my cry and E defended herself by saying it wasn't her fault. Imagine this: I was there crying in E's embrace and there they were scolding each other. It was all so funny. This "conversation" took place as well: -

L: Shhh...don't cry already...*looking embarrassed* Everyone's looking...
E: I don't care!! Let her's better that way...
L: Not you la!! Her!!
E: You think she cares meh?! She cry until like that means she doesn't care la!!

Part of me wanted to laugh but my tears kept pouring out of my eyes like a loose tap. Got on the bus with watery and swollen eyes. Bus was full so we had to stand. Well, P2 was a little shocked to see my cry so he didn't know what to do. LOL E and L2, on the other hand, kept finding ways to cheer me up, with hugs, with words of comfort, you name it, they've done it. The more they comforted me, the more I cried...=') I know it's not the end of the world with that 10% but the thing that made me saddest was how my tutor treated me. How could he say that?! If he just told me that I couldn't take the quiz because I was late then it's fine. I could just take it and suck it in. Instead he said he wasn't sure how long I've been outside studying?! First time in my life, I cried like there's nobody watching. I still remember last semester when I cried and I was waiting at the bus stop with swollen and watery eyes, P came walking towards me. He really made my day. Just seeing him makes me smile again...but not anymore. Seeing him just makes my heart ache. How can 2 people who used to be so close be so distant now? I feel like we're strangers...

So, upon reaching home, I wrapped myself in my blanket, hoping to fall asleep and forget everything that has happened. I did fall asleep...when M2 came knocking on my door after coming back from her class with P. *sigh* Told her my "ordeal" and she was quite sympathetic.
As I was telling her, the memory of everything was fading already. Got up and prepared to catch the bus to the city as I had OCF and L said he wanted to buy me ice cream to cheer me up...=D Felt so bad for making a big deal out of it. Now as I think back, it wasn't anything big, really. After having my dinner and ice cream, everything was fine again. Thanks L!!

While worshiping Him, a sense of peace came over me and I remember that bible verse that says "Give thanks in any circumstance". What L said was true I guess, He wouldn't let this happen unless He wants. Maybe it could be a blessing in disguise. I'll never know...

OH!! The funniest thing happened to me after OCF. Everyone was gone already. G and I stayed back to wait for P to drive us home while E and L went to pass something to P3 at her house. Before E and L left for P3's house, she asked me to finish off the potato chips and to throw it in the dustbin inside the guys' toilet (the nearest) if I don't want it anymore. So, after eating a few chips, I decided to throw it away. G followed me from behind while I opened the door of the guys' toilet. First dustbin....2nd door....OMG! There was a guy standing there dunno-doing-what! Both of us ran out like lightning when that guy turned around and said "What are you doing?!"!! We started laughing hysterically...Fortunately, I did not see anything that I shouldn't have seen!

I knew that guy so it wasn't that bad. He came laughing and asked if it was me. LOL I said oops...yeah...and I just wanted to get to the dustbin, assuring him that I did not see a single thing! He said, "It's ok, I'm sure you didn't see anything" >.<

My "day" (or night) got better, I was laughing and talking like normal. Had G come over my room to talk...and wow! We talked till 3:38am so I went to sleep right after she left and woke up at 12:30pm today, right on time for lunch!! XP

p/s: About P...It's time to do what's best for me, I gotta go my own way. =) 等待竟累积成伤害,爱深埋珊瑚海。 Shall just go with the flow~



jennifer said...

whoa is this the same tutor for when you were late the other day? the tutor who asked if you were very early & that to go for the next class cos no point coming in for class for only 20 min or stg??? Why so sarcastic yr tutors...nvm just chip in another 10% for the final exam. you can do it! I think the reason why you cried wasnt so much about the 10% but because of yr effort in rushing etc etc then the tutor summor had to "rub it in". adui..

Anonymous said...

look forward girl1! tmw's another day!!

liked the last part of ur post.. ;)
ya go with the flow's best!! maybe the "flow" will bring u back to him!


Lin said...

jennifer - nope, that was psych tutor. this is my human physiology tutor. *sigh* not forgetting the fact that i was embarrassed in front of the whole class....

GF - haha...yeahlo, been listening to sad love songs these few days...probably it's a good thing as well, mayb he's not even worth it =) the "flow" will bring me to someone who's worth it!

Maree said... i knw why u said u've nvr cried so much in ur life...hugs!cheer up!i'm sure with or without tht 10% u'll still do fine in ur exam..:)

Jen Min said...

walaoeh!! ur lecturer damn shui lo!! and ur classmates... ugh.. not helping. Is all that an act of racism? or is it just him? if it is racism mayb u ought to see if there's anyone u can lodge a complaint to for lecturer's racism against a foreign student. and i really admire u for not crying in front of everyone, which is most likely what I would have done out of total embarassment! Anyway cheer up! Try harder to be punctual and don't let these kind of mean ppl get to u. They're not worth ur emotions. :) *hugs*

sze may said...

hey gurl!!!

owwh.... now i am pist with ur lecturer too!! how can he be so inconsiderate!!

and it's ok to cry out... cuz i bet i will cry far on the spot if i were you!! lol...

Lin said...

jm: i don't know if that's an act of racism seriously...u know, i juz couldn't cry in front of everyone, they'll look down on me even more! i juz sucked everything in and let it out at the bus stop...*SIGH* i guess i was just too shocked to even feel...

sm: yeah, never felt so embarrassed in my entire 19 years of life!! but yeah, as jm said, he's not worth my emotions...right now, i juz want this semester to end soon so that i'm not going to his class anymore! and i get to go home!!


after 2 days, that tutor sent me an e-mail:
Hi, sorry i could not let you sit quiz 3 having walked in why we were marking it. If you contact XXX, i have allready spoken to her, you may be able to sit a different version.

juz in case he comes across my blog...LOL i XXX his name and the other person's name.

Jen Min said...

glad he is giving u a second chance. :)

Lin said...

well, confirmed i'm not taking the quiz anymore. cause i don't have a medical certificate =)