...I've finished reading Shopaholic Ties the Knot!
Well, I wanted to finish it so that I could return it to the library and concentrate on my revision.
Her books are all so entertaining...
The ending of this book was simply romantic!
Not just the ending actually, the way Luke proposed to Becky was romantic too but...
OK, I'll just shut up and show u the ending...
I'm melting to the ground!!
"Becky Bloomwood, I love you."
"I'm Becky Brandon now, remember?"
"There's only one Becky Bloomwood. Never stop being her. Whatever you do. Never stop being Becky Bloomwood."
Tell me, isn't that the most romantic thing a guy could say to his wife?!
XOXO,
Me
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Taking a break from studying
Came across this song while taking a break from studying.
Enjoy! ;)
Mariah Carey - Bye Bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye
As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face
[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye
And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever
[Chorus]
(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye
[Chorus]
Enjoy! ;)
Mariah Carey - Bye Bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye
As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face
[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye
And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever
[Chorus]
(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye
[Chorus]
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Whatever
I think I haven't blogged about this before...
I totally hate it when a person says "whatever" to me when I'm trying to make a point.
And I really mean it, I HATE it!
Wait, I DESPISE it!
It annoys me to the max and I never say "whatever" to someone unless I'm pissed.
So, you know what I'm feeling when I actually use the word "whatever" unless I say it in a bimbotic way.
When someone says that word to me, it makes me feel like what I'm trying to say doesn't mean a thing!
Like, they're just trying to brush you off.
And I totally HATE it!!
But it's weird, isn't it?
If I show my anger, people might just think "that's just a minor problem, why is she making a big deal out of it?"
But if I do not show how pissed I am, people around me will just continue saying that word!!
Screw it! Next time if I'm quiet and do not talk to you, you should know why.
Blood and scars,
Me
I totally hate it when a person says "whatever" to me when I'm trying to make a point.
And I really mean it, I HATE it!
Wait, I DESPISE it!
It annoys me to the max and I never say "whatever" to someone unless I'm pissed.
So, you know what I'm feeling when I actually use the word "whatever" unless I say it in a bimbotic way.
When someone says that word to me, it makes me feel like what I'm trying to say doesn't mean a thing!
Like, they're just trying to brush you off.
And I totally HATE it!!
But it's weird, isn't it?
If I show my anger, people might just think "that's just a minor problem, why is she making a big deal out of it?"
But if I do not show how pissed I am, people around me will just continue saying that word!!
Screw it! Next time if I'm quiet and do not talk to you, you should know why.
Blood and scars,
Me
Monday, June 09, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Girlie Day
Where do I start? I'll make this post as brief and less boring as possible! XP Oh, and this will be my last post before my exam...gotta study full-time from tomorrow onwards! =) This is one of my rare posts with pictures in it, so do appreciate by showing me some love. XD
Because Jennifer, Jen and I haven't gone out together for ages since the night before my birthday, we decided to go out for lunch today at this new Malaysian Mamak Restaurant. So off we went, with high hopes and expectations since we miss mamak food so much!! Jennifer ordered a murtabak, Jen a roti telur and roti canai, and I a plate of nasi lemak and murtabak. Well, to cut it short, all our hopes and expectations shattered into millions of pieces! From the moment the food was served to the moment we walked out of the restaurant, we had already made 1001 comments/complains! The food was OK, acceptable...but it just wasn't worth our money. I'll just highlight the main points: curry was too diluted, no spicy fragrance whatsoever, just tasted spicy, that's all; murtabak has no "liao", only some pieces of potatoes instead of onions in it...the supposedly pickled onions that were served weren't fresh (probably from some supermarket pickled onions cause they weren't "crunchy"; the nasi lemak had only a tablespoon-full of ikan bilis (major disappointment) with less than a quarter of hard-boiled egg and a few pathetic slices of cucumber at the side.
Because Jennifer, Jen and I haven't gone out together for ages since the night before my birthday, we decided to go out for lunch today at this new Malaysian Mamak Restaurant. So off we went, with high hopes and expectations since we miss mamak food so much!! Jennifer ordered a murtabak, Jen a roti telur and roti canai, and I a plate of nasi lemak and murtabak. Well, to cut it short, all our hopes and expectations shattered into millions of pieces! From the moment the food was served to the moment we walked out of the restaurant, we had already made 1001 comments/complains! The food was OK, acceptable...but it just wasn't worth our money. I'll just highlight the main points: curry was too diluted, no spicy fragrance whatsoever, just tasted spicy, that's all; murtabak has no "liao", only some pieces of potatoes instead of onions in it...the supposedly pickled onions that were served weren't fresh (probably from some supermarket pickled onions cause they weren't "crunchy"; the nasi lemak had only a tablespoon-full of ikan bilis (major disappointment) with less than a quarter of hard-boiled egg and a few pathetic slices of cucumber at the side.
Nasi lemak shared by Jennifer and I with the murtabak at the sideAfter lunch, we headed to Chocolate Bean! As the name suggests, it's a chocolate dessert place. Everything there just looks so appetising and yummy! Jennifer got a Toblerone, Jen a glass of hot mint chocolate and I got a Chocolate Vanilla Martini. The Toblerone tasted different from the one I drank at some pub called Fumo Blu during my friend's 21st birthday party. The one at Choc Bean doesn't have the honey and alcohol taste whereas the one in Fumo Blu, you could taste the chocolate, honey and alcohol. My Choc Vanilla Martini was whoa! @.@ The alcohol taste totally covered the chocolate and vanilla taste. I had to sip bit by bit cause the alcohol was kinda strong. We sat there having a super girlie talk over our drinks for hours!!! We reached there at around 2pm and left the place at 6pm! LOL We just talked and talked about stuff regarding guys, life, marriage, weddings, college days, ex-bfs, the future, pregnancy, birth-giving, health etc. Now you know how we could sit there for so long! XP
Having a girlie chat over our drinksSince we left the place at 6pm and Jen was feeling a little hungry, we walked home to take a "rest" and to empty our bladders while Jennifer prepared to meet her friends for one of her friends' birthday dinner. I was so hungry by the time Jen and I reached Cafe Primo! I was starving (literally!). Jen ordered Garlic Prawns and a plate of wedges with sour cream and chilli for us to share whereas I ordered a Chicken Focaccia.
Chicken Foccacia
Garlic Prawns
Wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli
It's my "ritual" to take a picture with the food before eating XP(Was kinda disappointed with this pic though cause the person who took this left out the wedges
AND left so much space at the top =( )
Love playing around with photoshop!(Was feeling quite stuffed by the time I finished my last bite of foccacia,
so I decided to do silly things while waiting for my food to be digested...LOL)
Ahhh...As I'm typing this, I just wished I hadn't eaten like a true Asian (was trying to finish every single thing on my plate to make every cent I paid worth =.= Dumb, I know...we didn't even get our complimentary pancakes because we were too full! I was so full I could hardly walk! =S Anyway, I really had a fun day with the girls...We should do this more often! I love having meals/drinks while catching up with girl friends. Nothing beats that! ;)
So, till after my exams in July! =)
p/s: By the time I was done typing this post, it was already after 12 am. So the "today" mentioned in the post was actually 7th of June. =P
XOXO,
Me
So, till after my exams in July! =)
p/s: By the time I was done typing this post, it was already after 12 am. So the "today" mentioned in the post was actually 7th of June. =P
XOXO,
Me
Speechless once again...
Well, I've heard about the deeds people in Saudi Arabia do since I was in high school and I naively thought that all of those things will be history in no time. But yet again, I'm left speechless as to why such things exist in this world.
Read this, this, this and this.
Have a great week ahead everyone!
XOXO,
Me
Read this, this, this and this.
Have a great week ahead everyone!
XOXO,
Me
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Message in a Bottle Tag
I got tagged by Joyce to create my own message in a bottle. So here's mine! Well, haven't written poetry for ages and I enjoyed doing this tag as I got to play around with photoshop too!! =)
Hehe...Now, here's the part most of the people dread. I tag Jennifer, Pras, Yin Fei, Sze May, Maree, Yee Huey, Daniel, Liz, Shao Thing, Ghee Leng, Xin-Ci, Shaun and Genieve! XD
It's really simple.
All you need to do is to follow the rules as below :
4. Post the meme and these rules on your blog
5. Send your "Message In a Bottle" via email to mimiwrites2005@yahoo.com
6. Tag a minimum of five people - or your entire blogroll - to do the same
To find out more about this Message in a Bottle tag, click here.
ENJOY!! ;)
p/s: Stay tuned for updates! I have LOADS to blog about but still don't know how to organize my train of thoughts =)
XOXO,
Me
Hehe...Now, here's the part most of the people dread. I tag Jennifer, Pras, Yin Fei, Sze May, Maree, Yee Huey, Daniel, Liz, Shao Thing, Ghee Leng, Xin-Ci, Shaun and Genieve! XD
You are about to send a virtual Message In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean. Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Anonymous or not.
It's really simple.
1. Compose a message to place in your virtual bottle
2. Right click and Save the graphic below
2. Right click and Save the graphic below
3. Use a graphics program of your choice to place the message on the picture
4. Post the meme and these rules on your blog
5. Send your "Message In a Bottle" via email to mimiwrites2005@yahoo.com
6. Tag a minimum of five people - or your entire blogroll - to do the same
To find out more about this Message in a Bottle tag, click here.
ENJOY!! ;)
p/s: Stay tuned for updates! I have LOADS to blog about but still don't know how to organize my train of thoughts =)
XOXO,
Me
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
My Best Friend's Wedding
Well, due to Pras' influence, I finally borrowed My Best Friend's Wedding DVD from the State Library and watched it. I'm having mixed feelings right now...
It's a very old movie and I remember watching it with my parents...but somehow, I got the plot wrong..LOL So, now I finally know what the movie is ACTUALLY about! XD
Anyway, yeah...It says "Julianne fell in love with her best friend the day he decided to marry someone else!" What do you think of that? Remember my previous post, about being jinxed with guy friends? Hah! After watching that movie, I'm convinced that I'll actually end up like that. Cause you see, I used to believe that the opposite sex can be best friends and not fall for each other but now I don't! Cause you see, in my opinion, girls are always at the "losing end" (Joo 2008). We tend to fall for our best (guy) friend first and if we do, it's so hard to win a guy's heart. If a guy falls for his best (girl) friend, it's easier to win her heart. I don't know, that's what I think...
All in all, I only have 1 thought right now...that is I don't think I can ever get married. LOL The reason is simple. I wanna get married to my best friend. But, best friends don't always end up with each other...and who knows? Maybe one day my best friend will get married and I would have to be his maid of honour and tell him goodbye. ='( Period.
XOXO,
Me
It's a very old movie and I remember watching it with my parents...but somehow, I got the plot wrong..LOL So, now I finally know what the movie is ACTUALLY about! XD
Anyway, yeah...It says "Julianne fell in love with her best friend the day he decided to marry someone else!" What do you think of that? Remember my previous post, about being jinxed with guy friends? Hah! After watching that movie, I'm convinced that I'll actually end up like that. Cause you see, I used to believe that the opposite sex can be best friends and not fall for each other but now I don't! Cause you see, in my opinion, girls are always at the "losing end" (Joo 2008). We tend to fall for our best (guy) friend first and if we do, it's so hard to win a guy's heart. If a guy falls for his best (girl) friend, it's easier to win her heart. I don't know, that's what I think...
All in all, I only have 1 thought right now...that is I don't think I can ever get married. LOL The reason is simple. I wanna get married to my best friend. But, best friends don't always end up with each other...and who knows? Maybe one day my best friend will get married and I would have to be his maid of honour and tell him goodbye. ='( Period.
XOXO,
Me
Friday, May 23, 2008
Something's terribly wrong...
...with me, I think.
Everytime I listen to songs, I think of the people + events that go with it.
Eg.: My neighbour used to lend me a Wang Lee Hom CD and so everytime I listen to the songs from that CD, I think of him.
Eg. 2: When I was still into A, I used to listen to this particular song, now when I listen to it, A will still come into my mind and remind me of the past.
=S
XOXO,
Me
Everytime I listen to songs, I think of the people + events that go with it.
Eg.: My neighbour used to lend me a Wang Lee Hom CD and so everytime I listen to the songs from that CD, I think of him.
Eg. 2: When I was still into A, I used to listen to this particular song, now when I listen to it, A will still come into my mind and remind me of the past.
=S
XOXO,
Me
My visual personality
Came across this visual personality thing on my friend's blog...and I gave it a go myself. It's quite accurate I must say!!
Click here to see my visual personality =)
Go check it out and get yours! ;)
Gonna type a proper post after I've submitted my assignments!! Stay tune!
XOXO,
Me
Click here to see my visual personality =)
Go check it out and get yours! ;)
Gonna type a proper post after I've submitted my assignments!! Stay tune!
XOXO,
Me
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Dear John
The title of this post is the title of the book I just finished reading. Yes, I was considering whether to finish reading it or not but I finally did. *sigh* It's always like this. Whenever I feel down/depressed, it has to rain...
I read it on the bus, this time not caring whether anyone's looking...cause I just cried like nobody's business!!!! The book simply left me with a hole in my heart, a heartache. ='(( I think I'm starting to love Nicholas Spark's books. His 2 books - A walk to remember and The notebook - were made into blockbuster movies and I loved them!! Although I enjoyed the books more than the movies cause the books made me cry like a baby whereas the movies did not totally portray the stories in the books. Now I'm hoping that Dear John will be made into a movie cause I know I'll cry my heart out.
I used to be completely naive about love. I thought things too simply. I used to think that as long as 2 people are in love, nothing matters and that they'll eventually be together...boy, I was wrong!! Now I have a totally different perspective of love! How do you define love? It's so subjective I don't even know where to start! Reading Dear John really makes me dwell in John's (the main male character) feelings. Everything he felt, everything that he went through etc. And I CANNOT imagine if I was in his shoes, losing the girl he loves to the girl's childhood friend, and seeing her with her wedding ring....Why?!?! When I read this:
When she released my hand, I saw her wedding band glinting on her left finger. The sight of it doused me with a cold splash of reality.
She recognised my expression. "Yes," she said, "I'm married."
I felt like stabbing myself!!!! =S I can literally feel his heart breaking.
The girl's (Savannah) husband, Tim, had this disease and the doctors weren't sure if he could make it. During John's visit to the hospital, this is what Tim said to him:
"You still love her, don't you? It's OK, I already know. I've always known. I can still remember Savannah's face the first time she talked about you. I'd never seen her like that. I was happy for her because there was something about you that I trusted right away. That whole first year you were gone, she missed you so much. It was like her heart was breaking a little bit every single day. You were all she could think about. And then she found out you weren't coming home and we ended up in Lenoir and my parents died and...You always knew I was in love with her too, didn't you?"
I nodded.
"I thought so. I've loved her since I was 12 years old. And gradually, she fell in love with me, too."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because it wasn't the same. I know she loves me, but she's never loved me the way she loved you. She never had that burning passion for me, but we were making a good life together. Then I got sick, but she's always here, caring for me the same way I'd care for her if it was happening to her. Yesterday, when you came in, I saw the way she was looking at you, and I knew that she still loved you. More than that, I know she always will. It breaks my heart, but you know what? I'm still in love with her, and to me that means that I want nothing more than for her to be happy in life. I want that more than anything. It's all I've ever wanted for her."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying don't forget Savannah if anything happens to me. And promise that you'll always treasure her the same way I do."
"Tim..."
"Don't say anything, John. Just remember what I say, okay?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside the hospital, when John bumped into Savannah. The part which made me tear like crazy!!
"Were you going to come say good-bye?"
"I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead."
"What did you and Tim talk about?"
"You should probably ask him that question."
"So this is good-bye?"
"Yes, I think it is."
"Can I write to you?"
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."
"I don't understand."
"Yes, you do. You're married to Tim, not me. He's a good man, Savannah. A better man than me, that's for sure, and I'm glad you married him. As much as I love you, I'm not willing to break up a marriage for it. And deep down, I don't think you are, either. Even if you love me, you love him, too. It took me a little while to realise that, but I'm sure of it."
"Will we ever see each other again?"
"I don't know but I'm hoping we don't."
"How can you say that?"
"Because it means that Tim's going to be okay. And I have a feeling that it's all going to turn out the way it should."
"You can't say that! You can't promise that!"
"No, I can't."
"Then why does it have to end now? Like this?"
A tear spilled down her face, and despite the fact that I knew I should simply walk away, I took a step forward to her. When I was close, I gently wiped it away. In her eyes I could see fear and sadness, anger and betrayal. But most of all, I saw them pleading with me to change my mind.
"You're married to Tim, and your husband needs you. All of you. There's no room for me, and we both know there shouldn't be."
As more tears started flowing down her face, I felt my own eyes fill up. I leaned in and kissed Savannah gently on the lips, then took her in my arms and held her tight.
"I love you, Savannah, and I always will. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were my best friend and my lover, and I don't regret a single moment of it. You made me feel alive again, and most of all, you gave me my father. I'll never forget that. You're always going to be the very best part of me. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to leave, and you have to see your husband."
As I spoke, I could feel her shaking with sobs, and I continued to hold her for a long time afterward. When we finally separated, I knew that it would be the last time I ever held her. I backed away, my eyes holding Savannah's.
"I love you too, John.
"Good-bye."
And with that, she wiped her face and began walking toward the hospital.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is just too complicated!! Both of them still love each other but...somehow she also loves her husband...I know her love for both of them is different...OMG...I'm going round n round in circles! I can't get my thoughts straight. Before I end this pointless post, take a read:
I finally understood what true love really meant. Tim had told me - and shown me - that love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.
I lead my life feeling that something is missing that I somehow need to make my life complete. I know that my feeling about Savannah will never change, and I know I will always wonder about the choice I made. And sometimes, despite myself, I wonder if Savannah feels the same way.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I end up typing such a long post...but I just have to share this story with the whole world!! =') I wonder if I would make the same choice as John did...*sigh*
XOXO,
Me
I read it on the bus, this time not caring whether anyone's looking...cause I just cried like nobody's business!!!! The book simply left me with a hole in my heart, a heartache. ='(( I think I'm starting to love Nicholas Spark's books. His 2 books - A walk to remember and The notebook - were made into blockbuster movies and I loved them!! Although I enjoyed the books more than the movies cause the books made me cry like a baby whereas the movies did not totally portray the stories in the books. Now I'm hoping that Dear John will be made into a movie cause I know I'll cry my heart out.
I used to be completely naive about love. I thought things too simply. I used to think that as long as 2 people are in love, nothing matters and that they'll eventually be together...boy, I was wrong!! Now I have a totally different perspective of love! How do you define love? It's so subjective I don't even know where to start! Reading Dear John really makes me dwell in John's (the main male character) feelings. Everything he felt, everything that he went through etc. And I CANNOT imagine if I was in his shoes, losing the girl he loves to the girl's childhood friend, and seeing her with her wedding ring....Why?!?! When I read this:
When she released my hand, I saw her wedding band glinting on her left finger. The sight of it doused me with a cold splash of reality.
She recognised my expression. "Yes," she said, "I'm married."
I felt like stabbing myself!!!! =S I can literally feel his heart breaking.
The girl's (Savannah) husband, Tim, had this disease and the doctors weren't sure if he could make it. During John's visit to the hospital, this is what Tim said to him:
"You still love her, don't you? It's OK, I already know. I've always known. I can still remember Savannah's face the first time she talked about you. I'd never seen her like that. I was happy for her because there was something about you that I trusted right away. That whole first year you were gone, she missed you so much. It was like her heart was breaking a little bit every single day. You were all she could think about. And then she found out you weren't coming home and we ended up in Lenoir and my parents died and...You always knew I was in love with her too, didn't you?"
I nodded.
"I thought so. I've loved her since I was 12 years old. And gradually, she fell in love with me, too."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because it wasn't the same. I know she loves me, but she's never loved me the way she loved you. She never had that burning passion for me, but we were making a good life together. Then I got sick, but she's always here, caring for me the same way I'd care for her if it was happening to her. Yesterday, when you came in, I saw the way she was looking at you, and I knew that she still loved you. More than that, I know she always will. It breaks my heart, but you know what? I'm still in love with her, and to me that means that I want nothing more than for her to be happy in life. I want that more than anything. It's all I've ever wanted for her."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying don't forget Savannah if anything happens to me. And promise that you'll always treasure her the same way I do."
"Tim..."
"Don't say anything, John. Just remember what I say, okay?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside the hospital, when John bumped into Savannah. The part which made me tear like crazy!!
"Were you going to come say good-bye?"
"I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead."
"What did you and Tim talk about?"
"You should probably ask him that question."
"So this is good-bye?"
"Yes, I think it is."
"Can I write to you?"
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."
"I don't understand."
"Yes, you do. You're married to Tim, not me. He's a good man, Savannah. A better man than me, that's for sure, and I'm glad you married him. As much as I love you, I'm not willing to break up a marriage for it. And deep down, I don't think you are, either. Even if you love me, you love him, too. It took me a little while to realise that, but I'm sure of it."
"Will we ever see each other again?"
"I don't know but I'm hoping we don't."
"How can you say that?"
"Because it means that Tim's going to be okay. And I have a feeling that it's all going to turn out the way it should."
"You can't say that! You can't promise that!"
"No, I can't."
"Then why does it have to end now? Like this?"
A tear spilled down her face, and despite the fact that I knew I should simply walk away, I took a step forward to her. When I was close, I gently wiped it away. In her eyes I could see fear and sadness, anger and betrayal. But most of all, I saw them pleading with me to change my mind.
"You're married to Tim, and your husband needs you. All of you. There's no room for me, and we both know there shouldn't be."
As more tears started flowing down her face, I felt my own eyes fill up. I leaned in and kissed Savannah gently on the lips, then took her in my arms and held her tight.
"I love you, Savannah, and I always will. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were my best friend and my lover, and I don't regret a single moment of it. You made me feel alive again, and most of all, you gave me my father. I'll never forget that. You're always going to be the very best part of me. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to leave, and you have to see your husband."
As I spoke, I could feel her shaking with sobs, and I continued to hold her for a long time afterward. When we finally separated, I knew that it would be the last time I ever held her. I backed away, my eyes holding Savannah's.
"I love you too, John.
"Good-bye."
And with that, she wiped her face and began walking toward the hospital.
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Love is just too complicated!! Both of them still love each other but...somehow she also loves her husband...I know her love for both of them is different...OMG...I'm going round n round in circles! I can't get my thoughts straight. Before I end this pointless post, take a read:
I finally understood what true love really meant. Tim had told me - and shown me - that love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.
I lead my life feeling that something is missing that I somehow need to make my life complete. I know that my feeling about Savannah will never change, and I know I will always wonder about the choice I made. And sometimes, despite myself, I wonder if Savannah feels the same way.
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I end up typing such a long post...but I just have to share this story with the whole world!! =') I wonder if I would make the same choice as John did...*sigh*
XOXO,
Me
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I think I'm jinxed...
...with buses and guys. Now, before you think, "oh, this is another guy problem", no it's not like that.
First, I'll talk about buses. *sigh* Some days when I don't miss the bus and actually reach uni on time, I feel like the heavenly lights is shining down on me; when I miss the bus AND reach uni late, I feel like there's a dark cloud hovering above me, showering its rain down on me. =( It happens everytime!! Everytime I reach the bus stop 5 mins early (and the time is for the 3 bus stops before the bus stop I wait at), I'll either have the bus just coming OR I can wait there for ages and no buses will be in sight! ARGH! This is so frustrating! =S Just today, I reached the bus stop early and I waited and waited and waited, so I thought, "oh well, missed the bus, will just have to wait for the next one which comes in 15 mins' time". After 15 mins, 2 buses that drive along the same route came!! 2!! At the same time! What the...?! Nevermind that, I just got on the bus whichever stopped first and boy I made a BIG mistake! The bus driver drove like a graduate of Driving School from Hell! He drove soooo fast I couldn't even sit properly as my bum kept springing up from my seat due to the swaying of the bus! *sweat* =.=
OK, now to the guy thing. Was listening to this song called "Arms of Mary" and memories flashed back to me. This song was sent to me by a friend I knew in college, M. We were so close, we chatted online, talked about things we wouldn't talk about with others, exchanged songs, asked each other advices on certain stuff etc. He liked this girl, M2, in college and everyone knew it. *fast forward* After he got together with M2, we drifted apart. It was like everything that evolved in this world was her. And I remember him saying to me one day in college, "what if she thinks that there's something between u and me? And there goes my chance of being with her."
I wonder if the reason we drifted apart was what he said to me, or was it simply because he spent most of his time with her. Don't get me wrong though, I never liked him more than a friend. =) Anyway, I wonder how they are now. He hasn't been coming online for more than a year now! Totally lost contact with him...Oh, and why am I jinxed? Cause the 3 guys who used to be my best guy friends, eventually found their significant other and "ditched" me. Wow...*sarcastic tone*
Oh well, life's like that...Just a random thought while listening to that song.
XOXO,
Me
First, I'll talk about buses. *sigh* Some days when I don't miss the bus and actually reach uni on time, I feel like the heavenly lights is shining down on me; when I miss the bus AND reach uni late, I feel like there's a dark cloud hovering above me, showering its rain down on me. =( It happens everytime!! Everytime I reach the bus stop 5 mins early (and the time is for the 3 bus stops before the bus stop I wait at), I'll either have the bus just coming OR I can wait there for ages and no buses will be in sight! ARGH! This is so frustrating! =S Just today, I reached the bus stop early and I waited and waited and waited, so I thought, "oh well, missed the bus, will just have to wait for the next one which comes in 15 mins' time". After 15 mins, 2 buses that drive along the same route came!! 2!! At the same time! What the...?! Nevermind that, I just got on the bus whichever stopped first and boy I made a BIG mistake! The bus driver drove like a graduate of Driving School from Hell! He drove soooo fast I couldn't even sit properly as my bum kept springing up from my seat due to the swaying of the bus! *sweat* =.=
OK, now to the guy thing. Was listening to this song called "Arms of Mary" and memories flashed back to me. This song was sent to me by a friend I knew in college, M. We were so close, we chatted online, talked about things we wouldn't talk about with others, exchanged songs, asked each other advices on certain stuff etc. He liked this girl, M2, in college and everyone knew it. *fast forward* After he got together with M2, we drifted apart. It was like everything that evolved in this world was her. And I remember him saying to me one day in college, "what if she thinks that there's something between u and me? And there goes my chance of being with her."
I wonder if the reason we drifted apart was what he said to me, or was it simply because he spent most of his time with her. Don't get me wrong though, I never liked him more than a friend. =) Anyway, I wonder how they are now. He hasn't been coming online for more than a year now! Totally lost contact with him...Oh, and why am I jinxed? Cause the 3 guys who used to be my best guy friends, eventually found their significant other and "ditched" me. Wow...*sarcastic tone*
Oh well, life's like that...Just a random thought while listening to that song.
XOXO,
Me
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Teardrops on my guitar
Since Maree and I are so crazy over this song, I might as well post the video here...Watching the video is even sadder ='(
Monday, May 12, 2008
Distance...
After reading my housemate's blog about this guy being a total angel by working in order to get his gf an air ticket so that she could fly here, to Adelaide, to see him, it kinda tugged at my heart. LOL
I know I should be working on this essay of mine, but my mind keeps wandering...
Just realised today's 11th of May. It's also the day I should return the book I borrowed from the State Library. But I haven't finished reading it...I'm not sure if I WANT to finish reading it. It's written by Nicholas Sparks, the author of A Walk to Remember and The Notebook, both really touching romantic movies.=')
So I turned to the last chapter to read...and after a few lines, I feel like crying already! Now you understand why I'm not sure I want to finish reading it. Last Wednesday, when I was reading this book on the bus on the way to uni, tears filled up my eyes. Trying to blink the tears away, I looked up to let the sunshine dry them. But it was super embarrassing!!! Cause a guy saw me "crying" and he wouldn't stop staring...my gosh! So I buried my head in my bag...Lesson learnt: Never read touching books on the bus!!
I love getting myself lost in books (not textbooks, thank you very much). Everytime I read, I feel like I'm in a world of my own. No worries, no frustrations, nobody else but me. However, I hate the feeling when I have to draw myself away from the book, because it just feels like I've just landed back on Earth, and everything else negative that goes with it rushes back to me, making me grasping for air. *sigh* I'm sure Maree understands this feeling...LOL ;) or maybe not.
Why is it sometimes in life, even though 2 people love each other so deeply, they just can't be together?! Why!? I can never understand that...it breaks my heart (literally) everytime I read them in books/watch them in movies. I can actually FEEL the pain. If it means losing the one I love, I'd rather never have them in the first place. People might say "it's better than to have loved before than to never loved at all". I totally disagree to that!!
*sigh* Ok ok...enough of this sadness, I'll tell you something interesting that has happened to me for the past week! Last Monday was my 20th birthday! And I think it was rather memorable! =D Well, I was dreading the arrival of my birthday because 1) I didn't have a plan on how to celebrate 2) Even if I had a plan, I wouldn't be able to celebrate with EVERYONE who means something to me 3) my birthday fell on a weekday, which meant most of the people would be quite busy with their work/simply don't feel like going out on a weekday.
Since most of the people wouldn't wanna go out on a Monday, I decided to "celebrate" it with my housemate on Sunday night by going out for dessert and a drink. After deciding where to go for dessert and a drink, I asked another friend, J, who lives in the suburb to come along as well. My housemate even put make-up on me! LOL it's the 2nd time I have make up on after prom. At first everything went OK, we went to the dessert place as planned. Was kind of disappointed with the dessert though cause it wasn't satisfactory. Anyway, after finishing our dessert, we headed to Chocolate Bean, to realise that it was CLOSED!! =S Bummer! So the 3 of us ended up walking up and down Rundle Street, hoping to find a place that serves cocktails (the reason we wanted to go to Choc Bean was to try out a cocktail called Toblerone). In the end we settled down at CIBO for a drink instead. I felt so bad towards J cause she took the bus all the way to the city just to walk up and down Rundle Street =S
When I woke up Monday morning to go to my Human Nutrition prac which required us to fast (we were gonna do a Glycaemic Index prac), I felt crap, thinking "here it goes...birthday = no birthday..." I was prepared to not have anything special on that day to avoid disappointment.
*fast forward*
Came back from class in the afternoon, was on my computer, deleting applications on my facebook page when my house mate came into my room asking me what I was doing. So I just simply replied "cleaning my facebook page" and she was gone, back to her room. After a split second, she waltzed into my room with a cake in hand whilst exclaiming in a very high-pitched voice, "Happy Birthday!!!" LOL I suddenly felt awake! Awwww~ How sweet of her!! I guess she knew how "miserable" I was XD She took a picture of me blowing "invisible candles" on the cake. We decided to save the cake for dessert at night.
Our initial plan was to go to Chocolate Bean that night because we didn't make it the night before but when I called Choc Bean up, the woman on the other line told me that they closed at 6pm =( So we thought maybe we can just go another day. That night, I was doing some readings when my friends, E and L, called to say they've reached my place. I went down to open the door for them. They said they wanted to come up to my apartment so I thought y not?
*fast forward*
My bible study leaders planned a surprise birthday mini party for me! How thoughtful of them...and a friend from OCF baked a cake for me with marshmallows lined up on the cake to make out my age! Awwww~ Was kinda touched. That was my 1st ever birthday surprise =) So, my birthday was memorable after all. Oh, and I had 2 leftover cakes to be eaten for breakfast the whole week! Hahaha...
XOXO,
Me
I know I should be working on this essay of mine, but my mind keeps wandering...
Just realised today's 11th of May. It's also the day I should return the book I borrowed from the State Library. But I haven't finished reading it...I'm not sure if I WANT to finish reading it. It's written by Nicholas Sparks, the author of A Walk to Remember and The Notebook, both really touching romantic movies.=')
So I turned to the last chapter to read...and after a few lines, I feel like crying already! Now you understand why I'm not sure I want to finish reading it. Last Wednesday, when I was reading this book on the bus on the way to uni, tears filled up my eyes. Trying to blink the tears away, I looked up to let the sunshine dry them. But it was super embarrassing!!! Cause a guy saw me "crying" and he wouldn't stop staring...my gosh! So I buried my head in my bag...Lesson learnt: Never read touching books on the bus!!
I love getting myself lost in books (not textbooks, thank you very much). Everytime I read, I feel like I'm in a world of my own. No worries, no frustrations, nobody else but me. However, I hate the feeling when I have to draw myself away from the book, because it just feels like I've just landed back on Earth, and everything else negative that goes with it rushes back to me, making me grasping for air. *sigh* I'm sure Maree understands this feeling...LOL ;) or maybe not.
Why is it sometimes in life, even though 2 people love each other so deeply, they just can't be together?! Why!? I can never understand that...it breaks my heart (literally) everytime I read them in books/watch them in movies. I can actually FEEL the pain. If it means losing the one I love, I'd rather never have them in the first place. People might say "it's better than to have loved before than to never loved at all". I totally disagree to that!!
*sigh* Ok ok...enough of this sadness, I'll tell you something interesting that has happened to me for the past week! Last Monday was my 20th birthday! And I think it was rather memorable! =D Well, I was dreading the arrival of my birthday because 1) I didn't have a plan on how to celebrate 2) Even if I had a plan, I wouldn't be able to celebrate with EVERYONE who means something to me 3) my birthday fell on a weekday, which meant most of the people would be quite busy with their work/simply don't feel like going out on a weekday.
Since most of the people wouldn't wanna go out on a Monday, I decided to "celebrate" it with my housemate on Sunday night by going out for dessert and a drink. After deciding where to go for dessert and a drink, I asked another friend, J, who lives in the suburb to come along as well. My housemate even put make-up on me! LOL it's the 2nd time I have make up on after prom. At first everything went OK, we went to the dessert place as planned. Was kind of disappointed with the dessert though cause it wasn't satisfactory. Anyway, after finishing our dessert, we headed to Chocolate Bean, to realise that it was CLOSED!! =S Bummer! So the 3 of us ended up walking up and down Rundle Street, hoping to find a place that serves cocktails (the reason we wanted to go to Choc Bean was to try out a cocktail called Toblerone). In the end we settled down at CIBO for a drink instead. I felt so bad towards J cause she took the bus all the way to the city just to walk up and down Rundle Street =S
When I woke up Monday morning to go to my Human Nutrition prac which required us to fast (we were gonna do a Glycaemic Index prac), I felt crap, thinking "here it goes...birthday = no birthday..." I was prepared to not have anything special on that day to avoid disappointment.
*fast forward*
Came back from class in the afternoon, was on my computer, deleting applications on my facebook page when my house mate came into my room asking me what I was doing. So I just simply replied "cleaning my facebook page" and she was gone, back to her room. After a split second, she waltzed into my room with a cake in hand whilst exclaiming in a very high-pitched voice, "Happy Birthday!!!" LOL I suddenly felt awake! Awwww~ How sweet of her!! I guess she knew how "miserable" I was XD She took a picture of me blowing "invisible candles" on the cake. We decided to save the cake for dessert at night.
Our initial plan was to go to Chocolate Bean that night because we didn't make it the night before but when I called Choc Bean up, the woman on the other line told me that they closed at 6pm =( So we thought maybe we can just go another day. That night, I was doing some readings when my friends, E and L, called to say they've reached my place. I went down to open the door for them. They said they wanted to come up to my apartment so I thought y not?
*fast forward*
My bible study leaders planned a surprise birthday mini party for me! How thoughtful of them...and a friend from OCF baked a cake for me with marshmallows lined up on the cake to make out my age! Awwww~ Was kinda touched. That was my 1st ever birthday surprise =) So, my birthday was memorable after all. Oh, and I had 2 leftover cakes to be eaten for breakfast the whole week! Hahaha...
XOXO,
Me
Thursday, May 01, 2008
what should i say...
...when I see him online?
He's still as friendly as ever...as nice as ever...
However, I just don't know what to say...
I don't wanna come across to him as a 12-year-old he got to know...
I wanna "sound" different...more mature maybe? =S
Never knew this was gonna be so hard...=(
XOXO,
Me
He's still as friendly as ever...as nice as ever...
However, I just don't know what to say...
I don't wanna come across to him as a 12-year-old he got to know...
I wanna "sound" different...more mature maybe? =S
Never knew this was gonna be so hard...=(
XOXO,
Me
Friday, April 25, 2008
Confused
I've been very distracted lately...by what I'm not quite sure myself.
Remember my new year resolution for 2008 - not have any crushes this year?
I THINK I'm gonna break it...not too sure YET.
Don't ask me who that is...I'll tell when I'm sure XP
*sigh* kinda sick of assignments...feel like puking (literally) everytime I sit down and read articles. =(
XOXO,
Me
Remember my new year resolution for 2008 - not have any crushes this year?
I THINK I'm gonna break it...not too sure YET.
Don't ask me who that is...I'll tell when I'm sure XP
*sigh* kinda sick of assignments...feel like puking (literally) everytime I sit down and read articles. =(
XOXO,
Me
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Miscellaneous stuff
Hello world!! =)
I'm baaaaack from my outback adventure. Well, I was back last fri afternoon but only gotten myself to blog now. Anyway, my outback adventure was totally awesome!!!! Did not regret going one bit though we had to walk and walk and walk under the scorching sun. The breathtaking (William 2008) [hehehehe~] sceneries were just worth it! =) And I never knew I would enjoy the outback this much. Always thought I'd only visit big cities with tall tall buildings. LOL
Anyway, just in case you guys were wondering where all the pictures are, I've posted some of them on my Windows Live Space at http://troublemaker0505.spaces.live.com I took 600+ pictures altogether and I posted up 96. =) Go check them out!
updated: juz realised that some albums are not allowed for public view so i suggest you guys access my space through msn =)
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Reality kicks in after Jennifer's cousin and cousin's room mate went back to Canberra! I have research to do for my Research Methods =S I'm starting to panic again!! Having a discussion about the research report on Monday with my lecturer, I hope that the discussion will be satisfactory as marks will be allocated for part of the whole assessment!
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Been having weird dreams again lately. *sigh* I wonder what those dreams mean! Since this year, I've been having dreams about murders =S yes, you heard me right, murders! It's so weird cause though I love gory movies I never had gory dreams...
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I realise cooking helps me forget my stress! I always look forward to cooking when I'm stressed!!
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After what seemed like ages...I finally see A online!! I don't know...seeing him online again brings back memories from primary and secondary school...those were the days when I see him online and my heart skips a beat out of time, those were the days when I'd bump into him at PSC etc. Although I've moved on, the songs that I listen to when I was "emotionally attached" to him still stir certain emotions in me.
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Just found out lately that everyone is connected to everyone and how small this world is! Brrr....
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Was talking to Jennifer about certain people and those people happen to message me online. Scarrryyy....LOL Talk about coincidence!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally over P =) Woohoo!!
p/s: I think from now on I'll blog like this when I'm lazy XP
XOXO,
Me
I'm baaaaack from my outback adventure. Well, I was back last fri afternoon but only gotten myself to blog now. Anyway, my outback adventure was totally awesome!!!! Did not regret going one bit though we had to walk and walk and walk under the scorching sun. The breathtaking (William 2008) [hehehehe~] sceneries were just worth it! =) And I never knew I would enjoy the outback this much. Always thought I'd only visit big cities with tall tall buildings. LOL
Anyway, just in case you guys were wondering where all the pictures are, I've posted some of them on my Windows Live Space at http://troublemaker0505.spaces.live.com I took 600+ pictures altogether and I posted up 96. =) Go check them out!
updated: juz realised that some albums are not allowed for public view so i suggest you guys access my space through msn =)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reality kicks in after Jennifer's cousin and cousin's room mate went back to Canberra! I have research to do for my Research Methods =S I'm starting to panic again!! Having a discussion about the research report on Monday with my lecturer, I hope that the discussion will be satisfactory as marks will be allocated for part of the whole assessment!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Been having weird dreams again lately. *sigh* I wonder what those dreams mean! Since this year, I've been having dreams about murders =S yes, you heard me right, murders! It's so weird cause though I love gory movies I never had gory dreams...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realise cooking helps me forget my stress! I always look forward to cooking when I'm stressed!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After what seemed like ages...I finally see A online!! I don't know...seeing him online again brings back memories from primary and secondary school...those were the days when I see him online and my heart skips a beat out of time, those were the days when I'd bump into him at PSC etc. Although I've moved on, the songs that I listen to when I was "emotionally attached" to him still stir certain emotions in me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just found out lately that everyone is connected to everyone and how small this world is! Brrr....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was talking to Jennifer about certain people and those people happen to message me online. Scarrryyy....LOL Talk about coincidence!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally over P =) Woohoo!!
p/s: I think from now on I'll blog like this when I'm lazy XP
XOXO,
Me
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Back in action!!!!
Hello world!!
i know, i haven't been updating my blog lately.
been really really stressed, busy and tired for the past few weeks.
i've got loads to update though...
for now, i'll just update about yesterday.
after my mid-sem trial exam yesterday afternoon, i walked out of the lecture room and onto the streets, feeling so free!!
i wasn't feeling free because my exam was over, i was feeling free because i realised that now i'm in control of what and how i feel.
last year since i knew P in march, every little thing P did influenced how i felt...my emotions were like riding on a roller-coaster.
this year, it's different.
my feelings do not depend on P anymore...i'm free to feel anything i feel like feeling! XD
seeing him again last night also make me proud enough to say i'm 100% over him!
he's just another human being on this earth, once was my friend, now not anymore.
that's it! it's as easy as that! ;)
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on a brighter note...i'm going to ayers rock and alice springs in a day's time!!!
going with my housemate, jennifer, her cousin and her cousin's friend...LOL
hopefully i'll be enjoying my time there fully!!
kinda excited to come in contact with nature...i feel so deprived of nature in my life...
but i haven't finished my assignment...
updating my blog while waiting for my food to digest a little XP
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oh...and there's 1 thing that's been bothering me...
there's this girl from my Human Nutrition class...
she asked me to send her my assignment cause she wanted to see how to do it...
but i refused to because she hadn't even started yet! there's a high probability that she's gonna copy even though i'm not 100% sure.
i felt bad not sending my assignment to her so i offered some help...
and guess what?!
she asked me questions that are already answered on the discussion board AND the slides that our lecturer gave us.
*sigh* so i simply told her that she can go check the discussion board n slides...
but no, i think she already asked me to send my assignment to her 3 times!
dunno if i should send it to her...
the thing is, before i started this assignment i felt clueless but after asking questions on the discussion board and reading the slides my lecturer gave us, i understood the assignment more...
so in my opinion, she should do the same instead of simply asking for other people's assignment =S
m i doing the right thing?
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oh yeah!!
i love cooking!!!!
hehehehe~ i just simply love trying out new recipes!
if only i had a fully equipped kitchen...*dreams*
if i see cooking as a chore, i'd probably hate it...
but cooking really fun!!
gonna plan a cookout with my college friends when i get my ass back in summer!! XD
let's cook and bake and eat! can't wait...
it's not even half of the year and i'm thinking about summer already, ish!
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woke up this morning feeling a little down...
dunno y...
could it be everyone's at camp while i'm at home rushing my assignment?
i miss my friends already...=S
i'm weird...
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i have a love-hate feeling towards avocados.
they are known as the most nutritious fruit by the Guinness World of Records...
so i decided to try them out since it they were on promotion too! (usually it costs $4.98 for EACH avocado but i got 4 for $2.88)
when i cut open the first avocado, discovered that it wasn't ripe yet...didn't know what to do with it...it was hard rock, so i threw it away...*sigh* wasted 1...
after asking my friend how to see if it's ripe, she told me that it's ripe when it's soft...
so having left my avocados on the table a few days, they got too soft and i panicked!
had them with tuna, cheese and ham...hmmm!!
basically, with tuna, the avocado is tasteless...but when eaten alone, i felt like puking!!!!
not too sure if i'll ever gonna buy avocados again XP
but it's the most nutritious fruit! and i'm sorta a health freak...
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so proud of myself!!!!
been controlling my finances well...
not buying n spending unnecessarily like buying junk food, eating out too often etc.
since i came back, i've only bought chips ONCE and i took A WEEK to finish that packet.
so happy with myself!! =D
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been waking up naturally around 8am every day due to the sunlight shining through my window
not too sure if it's a good thing...
the good thing is i've been trying to sleep before 12 every day...so far i slept after 12 once or twice n that's it!
i feel so healthy...trying to not have naps but lately i feel so tired in the afternoon that results in napping a little =(
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omg...this was meant to be a short post and i ended up typing so much!
hahaha~
ok, time to get back to my assignment!!
p/s: Pras, i'd rather u update ur blog like this...at least i know what those random words mean...LOL
p/p/s: before u leave, go check out this disturbing news...so unbelievable!o.O
XOXO,
Me
i know, i haven't been updating my blog lately.
been really really stressed, busy and tired for the past few weeks.
i've got loads to update though...
for now, i'll just update about yesterday.
after my mid-sem trial exam yesterday afternoon, i walked out of the lecture room and onto the streets, feeling so free!!
i wasn't feeling free because my exam was over, i was feeling free because i realised that now i'm in control of what and how i feel.
last year since i knew P in march, every little thing P did influenced how i felt...my emotions were like riding on a roller-coaster.
this year, it's different.
my feelings do not depend on P anymore...i'm free to feel anything i feel like feeling! XD
seeing him again last night also make me proud enough to say i'm 100% over him!
he's just another human being on this earth, once was my friend, now not anymore.
that's it! it's as easy as that! ;)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
on a brighter note...i'm going to ayers rock and alice springs in a day's time!!!
going with my housemate, jennifer, her cousin and her cousin's friend...LOL
hopefully i'll be enjoying my time there fully!!
kinda excited to come in contact with nature...i feel so deprived of nature in my life...
but i haven't finished my assignment...
updating my blog while waiting for my food to digest a little XP
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oh...and there's 1 thing that's been bothering me...
there's this girl from my Human Nutrition class...
she asked me to send her my assignment cause she wanted to see how to do it...
but i refused to because she hadn't even started yet! there's a high probability that she's gonna copy even though i'm not 100% sure.
i felt bad not sending my assignment to her so i offered some help...
and guess what?!
she asked me questions that are already answered on the discussion board AND the slides that our lecturer gave us.
*sigh* so i simply told her that she can go check the discussion board n slides...
but no, i think she already asked me to send my assignment to her 3 times!
dunno if i should send it to her...
the thing is, before i started this assignment i felt clueless but after asking questions on the discussion board and reading the slides my lecturer gave us, i understood the assignment more...
so in my opinion, she should do the same instead of simply asking for other people's assignment =S
m i doing the right thing?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oh yeah!!
i love cooking!!!!
hehehehe~ i just simply love trying out new recipes!
if only i had a fully equipped kitchen...*dreams*
if i see cooking as a chore, i'd probably hate it...
but cooking really fun!!
gonna plan a cookout with my college friends when i get my ass back in summer!! XD
let's cook and bake and eat! can't wait...
it's not even half of the year and i'm thinking about summer already, ish!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
woke up this morning feeling a little down...
dunno y...
could it be everyone's at camp while i'm at home rushing my assignment?
i miss my friends already...=S
i'm weird...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i have a love-hate feeling towards avocados.
they are known as the most nutritious fruit by the Guinness World of Records...
so i decided to try them out since it they were on promotion too! (usually it costs $4.98 for EACH avocado but i got 4 for $2.88)
when i cut open the first avocado, discovered that it wasn't ripe yet...didn't know what to do with it...it was hard rock, so i threw it away...*sigh* wasted 1...
after asking my friend how to see if it's ripe, she told me that it's ripe when it's soft...
so having left my avocados on the table a few days, they got too soft and i panicked!
had them with tuna, cheese and ham...hmmm!!
basically, with tuna, the avocado is tasteless...but when eaten alone, i felt like puking!!!!
not too sure if i'll ever gonna buy avocados again XP
but it's the most nutritious fruit! and i'm sorta a health freak...
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so proud of myself!!!!
been controlling my finances well...
not buying n spending unnecessarily like buying junk food, eating out too often etc.
since i came back, i've only bought chips ONCE and i took A WEEK to finish that packet.
so happy with myself!! =D
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been waking up naturally around 8am every day due to the sunlight shining through my window
not too sure if it's a good thing...
the good thing is i've been trying to sleep before 12 every day...so far i slept after 12 once or twice n that's it!
i feel so healthy...trying to not have naps but lately i feel so tired in the afternoon that results in napping a little =(
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omg...this was meant to be a short post and i ended up typing so much!
hahaha~
ok, time to get back to my assignment!!
p/s: Pras, i'd rather u update ur blog like this...at least i know what those random words mean...LOL
p/p/s: before u leave, go check out this disturbing news...so unbelievable!o.O
XOXO,
Me
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Untitled
Every single thing - songs, people on the streets, the colour of the sky, pics of family and friends - u name it, makes me wanna cry.
Even chatting with a friend makes me cry.
First time ever in my life, I wanna cry n cry n cry n cry n cry until the tears in me run dry.
I wanna cry till the sun rises on the horizon the next day.
I wanna cry till every emotion is numbed.
I wanna cry till I never cry ever again in my lifetime.
I wanna cry till my eyes go blind.
I just wanna cry...
I just need a shoulder to lean on n cry,
or to cry in a friend/family member's embrace.
YF, sorry if I scared u...thanks for listening to me, really appreciate it but my tears are flowing again. Damn!! I'll try to be strong...really need to. =)
XOXO,
Me
Even chatting with a friend makes me cry.
First time ever in my life, I wanna cry n cry n cry n cry n cry until the tears in me run dry.
I wanna cry till the sun rises on the horizon the next day.
I wanna cry till every emotion is numbed.
I wanna cry till I never cry ever again in my lifetime.
I wanna cry till my eyes go blind.
I just wanna cry...
I just need a shoulder to lean on n cry,
or to cry in a friend/family member's embrace.
YF, sorry if I scared u...thanks for listening to me, really appreciate it but my tears are flowing again. Damn!! I'll try to be strong...really need to. =)
XOXO,
Me
为什么...
...我从来就不会为别人着想？我总是顾着自己的利益行事。
刚刚读过我小学好朋友的blog, 目前在考虑要到哪里念书。
当我看他开心的文字，感觉到他跟家人团聚的幸福！
他提到想到纽西兰念书，但是一年里就花上好大一笔钱，又不想爸妈为钱的事而操心。
读着，读着，眼泪又不听使唤的像瀑布般流下...
为什么，我就没有为我爸妈想过？
因为自己的野心想到外国读书，就没有考虑过他们是否担当得起这个负担。
毕竟，他们的年纪也大了，是时候让他们享福。
之前又想过找份兼职工作，但开学了，觉得如果做工的话，就没时间做功课，所以也没有找了。
有好几次，别人都问我我是否会逗留在澳洲找份工作，安顿下来，我都不知道要怎么回答。
一方面，我想留下来赚些奥币再回去，一方面又不舍得家人，想尽快回去找份工作，能够天天陪在他们身边。
现在我才明白爸妈不是永远都会陪在我们身边，他们也许明天就走了，那时候，我们就会后悔没有好好孝顺他们，遗憾也来不及了。
以前中年的时候，总是想尽快离开家到外国念书，不必再听爸妈唠唠叨叨。
但，我现在才真的真得明白他们所做的一切都是为我好！为什么就不能让我早点明白呢？！为什么？！
这是我对自己和爸妈的承诺：我会好好孝顺你们到你们离开我。其实想早点结婚的原因也是希望我的孩子能够至少跟他的外婆外公有接触。
爸，妈，你们也许不知道，我真的真的很感谢你们对我的养育之恩，为我做的一切！
XOXO,
Me
刚刚读过我小学好朋友的blog, 目前在考虑要到哪里念书。
当我看他开心的文字，感觉到他跟家人团聚的幸福！
他提到想到纽西兰念书，但是一年里就花上好大一笔钱，又不想爸妈为钱的事而操心。
读着，读着，眼泪又不听使唤的像瀑布般流下...
为什么，我就没有为我爸妈想过？
因为自己的野心想到外国读书，就没有考虑过他们是否担当得起这个负担。
毕竟，他们的年纪也大了，是时候让他们享福。
之前又想过找份兼职工作，但开学了，觉得如果做工的话，就没时间做功课，所以也没有找了。
有好几次，别人都问我我是否会逗留在澳洲找份工作，安顿下来，我都不知道要怎么回答。
一方面，我想留下来赚些奥币再回去，一方面又不舍得家人，想尽快回去找份工作，能够天天陪在他们身边。
现在我才明白爸妈不是永远都会陪在我们身边，他们也许明天就走了，那时候，我们就会后悔没有好好孝顺他们，遗憾也来不及了。
以前中年的时候，总是想尽快离开家到外国念书，不必再听爸妈唠唠叨叨。
但，我现在才真的真得明白他们所做的一切都是为我好！为什么就不能让我早点明白呢？！为什么？！
这是我对自己和爸妈的承诺：我会好好孝顺你们到你们离开我。其实想早点结婚的原因也是希望我的孩子能够至少跟他的外婆外公有接触。
爸，妈，你们也许不知道，我真的真的很感谢你们对我的养育之恩，为我做的一切！
XOXO,
Me
Monday, March 17, 2008
What I came across
While surfing the internet, I came across this quote:
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,
you can't go on well in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
you can't go on well in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
XOXO,
Me
Me
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Maybe...
...it's God's sign to let me know I'm not alone.
Every time my world crumbles, I'll bump into people I know, people who mean something to me. =)
After letting out the tears in the morning chatting with my friend and sms-ing my best friend back home, I sms-ed my mom to let her know I actually miss them alot, which resulted in more crying. Anyway, as I was walking to the bus stop this afternoon, I bumped into the friend whom I was chatting with...and what do u know?! My tears flowed out like streams of river =S It wasn't a very pretty sight. We hugged and that instant I felt that I'm not alone. Well, it was quite a funny way how we met. We were queuing up at the Adelaide airport and I heard her squealing about the security dogs so I turned around and we smiled at each other. I thought that was the end of it but little did I know that she's actually studying at the same campus as I am. And I'm not sure if it's coincidence, 2nd sem last year, we took the same subject and from then on I didn't have to dread going to class alone cause I know that she'll be there, together with some other friends.
Then after class today, on the way back to my apartment, I bumped into a friend whom I got to know last year in Easter Camp. Well, I was his angel. LOL Anyway, when he asked how I'm doing, I felt like crying again. Luckily I excused myself fast...cause I needed to get some stuff before heading home. While walking, a lady opened her arms wide and walked towards me, looking really happy to see me. On second look, I realised that she's the resident pastor who stays at the hostel I used to live in. Last year, she prayed for me at the dining table because I was too stressed and was about to cry. This year, she appeared again on the same day I cried. I think it's really God.
Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I do not know how to answer. How I'm doing, as in physically, emotionally or mentally? If u're talking about the physical aspect, can't u see for urself? Mentally...If I'm not fine mentally I wouldn't be able to converse with you, would I?? My emotions change like the weather, sometimes predictable sometimes not. So it's hard to say. Right now, if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm not doing fine. I'm panicking about assignments, missing my parents, relatives and friends badly AND looking forward to summer holidays (I know, summer is still here...but I can't wait already!!).
I learnt today in my psychology lecture, that dreams are unsatisfied desires. So I reckon that my desire to go home is suppressed to the extent that I dream of them. OK, better go..starting to babble again.
XOXO,
Me
Every time my world crumbles, I'll bump into people I know, people who mean something to me. =)
After letting out the tears in the morning chatting with my friend and sms-ing my best friend back home, I sms-ed my mom to let her know I actually miss them alot, which resulted in more crying. Anyway, as I was walking to the bus stop this afternoon, I bumped into the friend whom I was chatting with...and what do u know?! My tears flowed out like streams of river =S It wasn't a very pretty sight. We hugged and that instant I felt that I'm not alone. Well, it was quite a funny way how we met. We were queuing up at the Adelaide airport and I heard her squealing about the security dogs so I turned around and we smiled at each other. I thought that was the end of it but little did I know that she's actually studying at the same campus as I am. And I'm not sure if it's coincidence, 2nd sem last year, we took the same subject and from then on I didn't have to dread going to class alone cause I know that she'll be there, together with some other friends.
Then after class today, on the way back to my apartment, I bumped into a friend whom I got to know last year in Easter Camp. Well, I was his angel. LOL Anyway, when he asked how I'm doing, I felt like crying again. Luckily I excused myself fast...cause I needed to get some stuff before heading home. While walking, a lady opened her arms wide and walked towards me, looking really happy to see me. On second look, I realised that she's the resident pastor who stays at the hostel I used to live in. Last year, she prayed for me at the dining table because I was too stressed and was about to cry. This year, she appeared again on the same day I cried. I think it's really God.
Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I do not know how to answer. How I'm doing, as in physically, emotionally or mentally? If u're talking about the physical aspect, can't u see for urself? Mentally...If I'm not fine mentally I wouldn't be able to converse with you, would I?? My emotions change like the weather, sometimes predictable sometimes not. So it's hard to say. Right now, if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm not doing fine. I'm panicking about assignments, missing my parents, relatives and friends badly AND looking forward to summer holidays (I know, summer is still here...but I can't wait already!!).
I learnt today in my psychology lecture, that dreams are unsatisfied desires. So I reckon that my desire to go home is suppressed to the extent that I dream of them. OK, better go..starting to babble again.
XOXO,
Me
Weird dreams in the night
And again...I had weird dreams.
I know one of the dreams was about my insecurity and I shall not reveal the dream here cause it's juz too out-of-this-world even I cannot believe it myself.
You know, I made this new year resolution that I shall not be too emotional anymore but somehow sometimes I feel like crying!! Anyway, back to my dreams. I dreamt that I was back in my aunt's house and my cousin brought her 6-month-old son along all the way from Singapore. He was really really happy to see me and he wanted me to carry him. In that dream, I actually felt how I felt for him in real life. That warm fuzzy feeling everytime I see/carry him. While learning about child language development yesterday, I nearly cried, thinking that when I get back and see him again, he'd be 1+ year old and could speak already. Seriously I never felt so much for a baby before I treat him like my own son and I really really really really love him to bits.
I don't know if this is a test from God or what, but everytime when my life seems to be perfect, it crumbles down again...and feelings of insecurity and depression overwhelm me so much that I can't hold back my tears any longer. Why?! Why do we even have to grow up? I thought studying overseas would be fun, you know? I always thought it as a holiday...but no. When reality sinkcs in, lfe is not as easy as that. I hate it!! Another thing I hate is that I get attached to people too easily. I hate it when that happens because I have to have people I'm attached to to be around often. Not always, but often. To this point, I dunno what I'm babbling about anymore...
p/s: Sue...I don't think I'll find back me in Adelaide...I worry too much here, I cry too much here...
XOXO,
Me
I know one of the dreams was about my insecurity and I shall not reveal the dream here cause it's juz too out-of-this-world even I cannot believe it myself.
You know, I made this new year resolution that I shall not be too emotional anymore but somehow sometimes I feel like crying!! Anyway, back to my dreams. I dreamt that I was back in my aunt's house and my cousin brought her 6-month-old son along all the way from Singapore. He was really really happy to see me and he wanted me to carry him. In that dream, I actually felt how I felt for him in real life. That warm fuzzy feeling everytime I see/carry him. While learning about child language development yesterday, I nearly cried, thinking that when I get back and see him again, he'd be 1+ year old and could speak already. Seriously I never felt so much for a baby before I treat him like my own son and I really really really really love him to bits.
I don't know if this is a test from God or what, but everytime when my life seems to be perfect, it crumbles down again...and feelings of insecurity and depression overwhelm me so much that I can't hold back my tears any longer. Why?! Why do we even have to grow up? I thought studying overseas would be fun, you know? I always thought it as a holiday...but no. When reality sinkcs in, lfe is not as easy as that. I hate it!! Another thing I hate is that I get attached to people too easily. I hate it when that happens because I have to have people I'm attached to to be around often. Not always, but often. To this point, I dunno what I'm babbling about anymore...
p/s: Sue...I don't think I'll find back me in Adelaide...I worry too much here, I cry too much here...
XOXO,
Me
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
cool!! it's quite accurate...except 1 or 2. XD
Sometimes I just hate Australia. Everything closes down so early and when it comes to public holidays, nothing's opened!! Gotta wait another day to get my fan...I'm melting...
XOXO,
Me
Sometimes I just hate Australia. Everything closes down so early and when it comes to public holidays, nothing's opened!! Gotta wait another day to get my fan...I'm melting...
XOXO,
Me
Sunday, March 09, 2008
New Life
3 weeks have come and gone since I came back to old boring Adelaide. When I boarded the plane at the Penang International Airport (PIA) alone for the first time, I thought, "Damn!! I'm turning 20 this year, it's time to grow up and face the harsh reality of life!" Well, although I boarded the plane alone when I went home, it was different because I knew I was going back to the place where my parents shower me with love whereas this time, I'm leaving for a place where I have to be independent in taking care of things myself whilst juggling with studies. I so wanted to cry but I held back the tears, thinking that I must NOT break my new year resolution!! As I said before, I'm a very confused girl. I feel like I'm living 2 lives now - 1 in Adelaide and the other 1 in Penang. Everytime when I start to get used to things, I have to leave for the other place. Only then I realised that I'm the kind of person who doesn't like changes. I get stressed and depressed for sometime before getting used to things. =(
So, before I came back to Adelaide during the summer, I planned to move out of my hostel. The reasons are:
What a crappy post...anyway, will update when I'm in a better mood...hope I don't get depressed anytime soon. =S
XOXO,
Me
So, before I came back to Adelaide during the summer, I planned to move out of my hostel. The reasons are:
- I'm sick of the hostel food and seriously the manager is over charging us (at least i save some money when I move out)
- I wanna be more independent - both in life and entertainment. In the aspect of life, I guess I wanna learn some living skills such as cooking and managing a place; in entertainment sense, I don't wanna always depend on other people for entertainment, you know, cause I used to crash my hostel mates' rooms so often that sometimes I just can't sit still and finish my assignment! XP
- Moving to the city equals no more 30-35 mins bus rides to the city.
- Thinking of working in the city...see how it goes =)
What a crappy post...anyway, will update when I'm in a better mood...hope I don't get depressed anytime soon. =S
XOXO,
Me
Saturday, February 23, 2008
1st post back in Adelaide
As you can see in my title, I'm back in Adelaide.
Wasn't supposed to be back this early, anyway...it's a long story.
I woke up this morning, stared at the four walls of my room and suddenly I felt so alone!! ='(
Most of my friends are attached this year...when I arrived, only then I realised that 2 of my closest friends are attached to each other!
Nothing has changed, I know they're still my friends, but somehow I feel that I can't find them whenever I want anymore. They might wanna spend time alone...
This year I wanna be independent, as in I can have fun and all without having to go kacau my friends. I shall learn how to live like there's no one around me...
It's 12pm already...great! I shall go n prepare to go out...
XOXO,
Me
Wasn't supposed to be back this early, anyway...it's a long story.
I woke up this morning, stared at the four walls of my room and suddenly I felt so alone!! ='(
Most of my friends are attached this year...when I arrived, only then I realised that 2 of my closest friends are attached to each other!
Nothing has changed, I know they're still my friends, but somehow I feel that I can't find them whenever I want anymore. They might wanna spend time alone...
This year I wanna be independent, as in I can have fun and all without having to go kacau my friends. I shall learn how to live like there's no one around me...
It's 12pm already...great! I shall go n prepare to go out...
XOXO,
Me
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Still caught up...
...in a whirlwind of confusion.
I've said this before but I'm gonna say it again - I can't believe I'm turning 20 this year!!!!!
It's been 8 years since I left primary school....
...3 years since I left high school.
...2 years since I left college.
Time does fly when you're having fun. Just today, I was on the phone with an old friend and we couldn't believe that our Form 3 years are over. That was the year where I got closer to her...and the rest is just history.
So, turning 20 soon means that I have to face the grown up world sooner or later. Over the years, I've learnt that it is very important to be yourself. Being as naive as I was, I thought that as long as we're true to ourselves, we do not have to give a damn about what other people think or say. How very wrong I was. We live in a world where pleasing people is a "should-do". We can choose not to, but our social life will suffer tremendously. On the other hand, if we choose to please people, we suffer inside.
*at this point I'm not thinking coherently, so ignore whatever grammar mistakes there is*
Setting: High school Form 3, 2003; Classroom
Character: Y and I (E)
Y: E, you know, sometimes I admire you alot.
E: Oh? And y is that?
Y: I dunno...It's like I admire your principles.
E: My principles? *confused as I never knew I had principles, LOL*
Y: Yeah...You stick to them well. You're the kind of person who listens to people's suggestions, but decides yourself whether you wanna follow or not. That's a very good quality. You don't reject others' opinions straightaway, you listen then decide.
E: Ohhh...
That was what encouraged me to be myself. Listen but decide myself whether what I do is right or not. Unfortunately, I remember what people say too easily that it bothers me sometimes. I may be very happy but I'd feel down the moment I hear something that makes me think and wonder.
I ponder on what people say too much sometimes that I feel like I need to catch my breath.
I wanna be who I wanna be, but on the other hand, I care about what people say.
Sometimes we wanna say "I don't care what people think or say" but we can't. Cause nobody can just NOT care about what people think or say!!
I shall not reveal what's bothering me. I'll just say that my beliefs since I was young were shattered since I went to Aus because people there tell me what I SHOULD do and SHOULD not do. I'm confused. I wanna stand firm to my beliefs and yet I care about what people say. =S ARGH!! This is so bad.
Just came back from tea with SX and initially we had a really good conversation until he mentioned THAT. It made me feel confused again!!
N said "people change____ of their ____ because they feel insecure about it, if you're confident about _____ _____ then no need to change lo"
By now, you should've guessed what I'm talking about. Haih.
Guys...another thing I do not understand...I find it so hard to relate to this "species". =(
I guess it's a wonder how God made females and males so differently that we cannot live without either one of them.
When will this habit of my thinking change?? I can't sleep without finishing up this post cause I will think myself to sleep and I'll end up dreaming weird dreams...
I guess right now, this song relates to me the most...
Imperfect girl
I don't have a perfect smile
maybe I'm just too shy
I'm not a beauty queen
on covers of magazines
that's something you can't deny
I got my own style
So what you see is what you get
A girl of no regrets
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
I wouldn't be classed as cool
I have to bend the rules
Maybe I don't fit in
I didn't always win
that's something you can't deny
I'm happy with my own style
So what you see is what you get
A girl of no regrets
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
It's all just make-believe
The standards that we hear
It doesn't have to be
A perfect world, a perfect world
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
I need some encouragement right now, but who will ever understand how I feel?
There is only One Person. God.
As I'm thinking, I remembered the book I've read last year. I've learnt alot from that book and I'll always remember. =) In it, there's a passage that goes like this:
Whenever I feel like I'm drifting away from You, You give me the wisdom to ponder upon Your words and pick me up, drawing me nearer to You. And I thank You.
XOXO,
Me
I've said this before but I'm gonna say it again - I can't believe I'm turning 20 this year!!!!!
It's been 8 years since I left primary school....
...3 years since I left high school.
...2 years since I left college.
Time does fly when you're having fun. Just today, I was on the phone with an old friend and we couldn't believe that our Form 3 years are over. That was the year where I got closer to her...and the rest is just history.
So, turning 20 soon means that I have to face the grown up world sooner or later. Over the years, I've learnt that it is very important to be yourself. Being as naive as I was, I thought that as long as we're true to ourselves, we do not have to give a damn about what other people think or say. How very wrong I was. We live in a world where pleasing people is a "should-do". We can choose not to, but our social life will suffer tremendously. On the other hand, if we choose to please people, we suffer inside.
*at this point I'm not thinking coherently, so ignore whatever grammar mistakes there is*
Setting: High school Form 3, 2003; Classroom
Character: Y and I (E)
Y: E, you know, sometimes I admire you alot.
E: Oh? And y is that?
Y: I dunno...It's like I admire your principles.
E: My principles? *confused as I never knew I had principles, LOL*
Y: Yeah...You stick to them well. You're the kind of person who listens to people's suggestions, but decides yourself whether you wanna follow or not. That's a very good quality. You don't reject others' opinions straightaway, you listen then decide.
E: Ohhh...
That was what encouraged me to be myself. Listen but decide myself whether what I do is right or not. Unfortunately, I remember what people say too easily that it bothers me sometimes. I may be very happy but I'd feel down the moment I hear something that makes me think and wonder.
I ponder on what people say too much sometimes that I feel like I need to catch my breath.
I wanna be who I wanna be, but on the other hand, I care about what people say.
Sometimes we wanna say "I don't care what people think or say" but we can't. Cause nobody can just NOT care about what people think or say!!
I shall not reveal what's bothering me. I'll just say that my beliefs since I was young were shattered since I went to Aus because people there tell me what I SHOULD do and SHOULD not do. I'm confused. I wanna stand firm to my beliefs and yet I care about what people say. =S ARGH!! This is so bad.
Just came back from tea with SX and initially we had a really good conversation until he mentioned THAT. It made me feel confused again!!
N said "people change____ of their ____ because they feel insecure about it, if you're confident about _____ _____ then no need to change lo"
By now, you should've guessed what I'm talking about. Haih.
Guys...another thing I do not understand...I find it so hard to relate to this "species". =(
I guess it's a wonder how God made females and males so differently that we cannot live without either one of them.
When will this habit of my thinking change?? I can't sleep without finishing up this post cause I will think myself to sleep and I'll end up dreaming weird dreams...
I guess right now, this song relates to me the most...
Imperfect girl
I don't have a perfect smile
maybe I'm just too shy
I'm not a beauty queen
on covers of magazines
that's something you can't deny
I got my own style
So what you see is what you get
A girl of no regrets
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
I wouldn't be classed as cool
I have to bend the rules
Maybe I don't fit in
I didn't always win
that's something you can't deny
I'm happy with my own style
So what you see is what you get
A girl of no regrets
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
It's all just make-believe
The standards that we hear
It doesn't have to be
A perfect world, a perfect world
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl
I need some encouragement right now, but who will ever understand how I feel?
There is only One Person. God.
As I'm thinking, I remembered the book I've read last year. I've learnt alot from that book and I'll always remember. =) In it, there's a passage that goes like this:
“Accept yourself. Love yourself. Respect yourself…If my house is based on God’s word, then even when the rains of bad feelings and self doubt come, my house of self-esteem will stand firm because it is built on the rock of God’s unchanging truth, not my ever-shifting feelings about myself. Self-esteem is necessary for all psychological health, and there is no absolutely sure basis for self-esteem other than the assurance of God’s love for me.”
Whenever I feel like I'm drifting away from You, You give me the wisdom to ponder upon Your words and pick me up, drawing me nearer to You. And I thank You.
XOXO,
Me
Friday, February 01, 2008
Queer Dream...
Due to unknown reasons, I haven't been sleeping very soundly lately. I keep having weird dreams that make me wonder their meaning.
Once, I dreamt that my cousin's baby boy could talk already although he was only 5 months old.
Just last night, I dreamt about so many people in a dream. There were C, N, H, S, a teacher from my primary school and a few unknown people. In the dream, we were all back in high school and the weird thing is C, H and S who are males happen to be in the same class too. N, my best friend, spent most of her time with them instead of me and it made me really jealous and the thing that surprised me most was C actually came to spend time with me because he understood how I felt. O.O Then after a while, the scene changed to a huge carpark and I was attempting to drive up a slope with my mom's auto car. I ended up nearly knocking the sides of the slope n killing everyone who was in the car. =S Then the scene changed again, this time I was in the toilet trying to pass motion (I know, it's super weird right?!) and apparently that primary school teacher asked me to flush more often as the feces will harden and it'll b hard to flush it away later on. *faint*
Now, tell me...what kind of dream is THAT?!
XOXO,
Me
Once, I dreamt that my cousin's baby boy could talk already although he was only 5 months old.
Just last night, I dreamt about so many people in a dream. There were C, N, H, S, a teacher from my primary school and a few unknown people. In the dream, we were all back in high school and the weird thing is C, H and S who are males happen to be in the same class too. N, my best friend, spent most of her time with them instead of me and it made me really jealous and the thing that surprised me most was C actually came to spend time with me because he understood how I felt. O.O Then after a while, the scene changed to a huge carpark and I was attempting to drive up a slope with my mom's auto car. I ended up nearly knocking the sides of the slope n killing everyone who was in the car. =S Then the scene changed again, this time I was in the toilet trying to pass motion (I know, it's super weird right?!) and apparently that primary school teacher asked me to flush more often as the feces will harden and it'll b hard to flush it away later on. *faint*
Now, tell me...what kind of dream is THAT?!
XOXO,
Me
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Death
It's been days since the tragic bus crash at Slim River happened. When I first heard it from my friend, Pras, I thought it was another bus crash, just like the ones that usually happen around Chinese New Year period but when she said that one of her friends got killed in it, I gave it a second thought. I have never lost a loved one, and I would never want to go through the pain. I didn't know what to say so I brushed it aside, hoping that I could distract her from thinking about it too much. After all, when it comes to sad stuff, I have no clue how to console a person.
Didn't know how serious the bus crash was until I visited a friend's blog at www.xinch.wordpress.com. Apparently, friends of one of the victims in the bus crash, Nian Ning, are coming up with a petition for safer bus rides to urge the authorities to take action in preventing future similar incidents from happening. Year after year, there have been only talk but no action. I guess although I can never understand how her loved ones feel, I bet it must be extremely hard. So I'm doing my part to spread the news.
The news article about the Nian Ning: http://xinch.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/remember-nian-ning/
Bus Crash No More blog:
http://buscrashnomore.blogspot.com/
Didn't know how serious the bus crash was until I visited a friend's blog at www.xinch.wordpress.com. Apparently, friends of one of the victims in the bus crash, Nian Ning, are coming up with a petition for safer bus rides to urge the authorities to take action in preventing future similar incidents from happening. Year after year, there have been only talk but no action. I guess although I can never understand how her loved ones feel, I bet it must be extremely hard. So I'm doing my part to spread the news.
The news article about the Nian Ning: http://xinch.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/remember-nian-ning/
Bus Crash No More blog:
http://buscrashnomore.blogspot.com/
Since none of these people are bothered to do anything about it, it’s up to us to push for a change. Bloggers,
Please post this on your blog now to help:
Chung Lern and Nian Ning’s families would like all families and friends of the victims, dead or alive, in the Slim River Bus Crash to come forward and join them in taking action against the bus company. Stand up to seek justice for these three innocent individuals, who were all so young and full of life.
If you have a blog, please call out to ANYONE who
knows someone who survived or did not survive
the crash to come forward to join the Lee family.
Make a huge difference, make a huge fuss.
For now, you may contact Lee Chung Lern at chunglern@gmail.com or preferably on his handphone at 012-6670368.
What we can also do is boycott Konsortium express buses.
Pay a little bit more for Nice - is your life not worth that extra RM23?
Another solution that might not be the best, drive. Get 3 friends, a car, and at least the fate of your lives are in your own hands. But remember, drive safely.
Or if you can afford it - FLY. AirAsia and Firefly are making air travel a lot more affordable for us. Like I said - is your life not worth that extra money?
Nian Ning was loved by her family and her friends. Don’t let her be just another statistic to add to the current rise of deaths on the road. After all, we quickly forget.
But she was loved. Read Jien Ann’s blog, Pei Wen’s blog, Sookie’s, check out her boyfriend’s photopage or even her other friend’s blogs. Or check out the facebook group her those dearest to her created in her memory.
Stop being so ‘tidak apa’.
Don’t forget - it could have easily been me, or you, or your loved ones.
Rest in Peace, my friend.
~Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. (1 John 3:18)
All words in blue were taken from Xinch's blog.
May Nian Ning and the other 2 victims R.I.P.
XOXO,
Me
Thursday, January 10, 2008
2nd post of the year
I still can't believe it's already 2008!! 2007 just flew by and I couldn't wait for 2007 to end because I felt so left out in a new place and underwent loads of unnecessary stress. Loads have happened in 2007, which when I come to think of them, they were nothing, no big deal. So, this year I'll turn 20 in May! The big 2!! O.o Oh no...time is ticking away, and I'm becoming older and older each year. So, should I change the title of my blog, or what?? Cause in fact I am a teenager at heart. Hmmm...
Anyway, was just thinking...
I was talking to a friend about C, only then I knew how much I've hurt him. I guess it was my fault I rushed into a decision and now I can't turn back time. C and I used to be very close too. Close to the extent that we could talk about some taboo stuff. Come to think of it, he's an extremely accepting guy. So this time when I came back for my summer holidays, I msged him to ask if he's back in Penang. I thought that we could meet up, like what old friends do. Little did I realise that he doesn't wanna be my friend (at least that's what I think based on how he treated me). So, N's friend is C's best friend and so N's friend told N that he was really really hurt. And it suddenly hit me that I never tried to feel how he felt that time. *sigh* Maybe it's a lesson learnt.
...if I'd rather not know what N's friend told N or know it and be a little depressed over it?
=S I'm a confused girl and always will be.
XOXO,
Me
Anyway, was just thinking...
I was talking to a friend about C, only then I knew how much I've hurt him. I guess it was my fault I rushed into a decision and now I can't turn back time. C and I used to be very close too. Close to the extent that we could talk about some taboo stuff. Come to think of it, he's an extremely accepting guy. So this time when I came back for my summer holidays, I msged him to ask if he's back in Penang. I thought that we could meet up, like what old friends do. Little did I realise that he doesn't wanna be my friend (at least that's what I think based on how he treated me). So, N's friend is C's best friend and so N's friend told N that he was really really hurt. And it suddenly hit me that I never tried to feel how he felt that time. *sigh* Maybe it's a lesson learnt.
...if I'd rather not know what N's friend told N or know it and be a little depressed over it?
=S I'm a confused girl and always will be.
XOXO,
Me
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
I've been tagged by Liz
RULES:
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.
I have to list down the 8 qualities of a guy that make him my man. Of course, I have to be more realistic. So here goes...
Prasana
Maree
Shao Thing
Kazu (if he ever reads this, which I doubt)
Esther Tan (which I doubt she'll ever see this)
Ghee Leng
Jennifer
Sze May
XOXO,
Me
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.
I have to list down the 8 qualities of a guy that make him my man. Of course, I have to be more realistic. So here goes...
- A sense of humour - I don't mind if he's lame, as long as he makes me laugh.
Of course too much lameness will make the magic fade away. So...I prefer that he has every kind of humour in moderate XD I quote M, "a guy who has a sense of humour already scores 30% over a hundred". - Not afraid to communicate - Communicate, in the sense that he can share his feelings and thoughts with me and vice versa...so that we can be honest with each other. In other words, there's trust between my man and I, something like the one between my BFF and I =)
- My source of strength - When I fall, he'll be there to give me words of encouragement and inspiration. Or even better, he doesn't have to say anything and I'll know that he believes in me to stand up on my own again (something like what Liz said in her blog). And when I need to be weak once in a while, he'll be there for me to run into his warm embrace. The most important thing of all is that he must always remind us of our faith - Lord our God is our ultimate source of strength.
- Knows how to act at different times - My man has to know when to be mature or immature. I want a guy who can be immature with me when we're having fun but can be mature when he's dealing with serious stuff.
- Complements me - A guy has to complement me. For example, although we have different personalities but we complete and get along well with each other perfectly!! (well, not perfect-perfect, but perfect...u know what I mean)
- Space - Although we spend time doing things together, I hope that my man and I could give each other some space once in a while...for me to hang out with my girl friends and him with his guys.
- Able to romance me - I don't ask for the super romantic, expensive restaurant kind...but the little things he does every day that makes me feel loved. He doesn't have to realise that he's doing it. =)
- Since everyone says looks count, I'll just say that he has to be taller than me (my head must reach at least his shoulder XD), not too bad-looking and is not too skinny/fat.
Prasana
Maree
Shao Thing
Kazu (if he ever reads this, which I doubt)
Esther Tan (which I doubt she'll ever see this)
Ghee Leng
Jennifer
Sze May
XOXO,
Me
Friday, December 21, 2007
It's been too long...
...since I left you here.
My holidays are great...meaning I finally feel the feeling of having a holiday! Been busy hanging out with friends from the past (well, it kinda feels like it) and reliving memories.
During the past 1 year, well, maybe not...9 months being away from home, I guess I realized a great deal of facts about life. As for me, I think I've learnt that if we keep hanging on to the past, we are unable to live out future to the fullest. However, if we remember lessons from the past and apply it in the future, then it would bring us benefits. It may sound easy but one thing I know is that I'm not the kind who can juz forget about the past and move on like that...sometimes I think too much, sometimes I say things without thinking, sometimes I regret not doing the things that I should have. So you see, I do think about the past now and then. Being back home for nearly a month, I've been chasing my past. I wanna make everything right again. So, I finally made it up to a friend whom I've lost contact with for ages since he had his girlfriend. After all, he's leaving for US in January.
Just the other day, I was laughing my signature laughter with my Penang friends at Gurney Plaza and suddenly one of them remarked, "Ee Lin!! I haven't heard your laughter for ages!! I miss it so much...." That exact moment, I felt like I've found my old self!! I can be who I wanna be...I guess I do laugh like that in Adelaide too, but not as freely as I wanted to because my friends would tell me that people are looking. It may be embarrassing, but I miss doing that so much!! So what if people are looking?? I laugh like no one's around...juz in my own world, where everything stands still.
Maybe because in Adelaide, I look out for my manners alot that I don't feel natural. Even the 1st time hanging out with my best friend of 5 years, I felt so weird...I even said excuse me after burping. She said "aiya, it's not your first time la ok?!" and I thought: oh...I've totally forgotten how to act in front of her. *sigh* I feel so torn apart. Malaysia and Adelaide, which is my home?? The me in Malaysia vs. the me in Adelaide, which is the real me??
I guess I'm just too emotional...=)
XOXO,
Me
My holidays are great...meaning I finally feel the feeling of having a holiday! Been busy hanging out with friends from the past (well, it kinda feels like it) and reliving memories.
During the past 1 year, well, maybe not...9 months being away from home, I guess I realized a great deal of facts about life. As for me, I think I've learnt that if we keep hanging on to the past, we are unable to live out future to the fullest. However, if we remember lessons from the past and apply it in the future, then it would bring us benefits. It may sound easy but one thing I know is that I'm not the kind who can juz forget about the past and move on like that...sometimes I think too much, sometimes I say things without thinking, sometimes I regret not doing the things that I should have. So you see, I do think about the past now and then. Being back home for nearly a month, I've been chasing my past. I wanna make everything right again. So, I finally made it up to a friend whom I've lost contact with for ages since he had his girlfriend. After all, he's leaving for US in January.
Just the other day, I was laughing my signature laughter with my Penang friends at Gurney Plaza and suddenly one of them remarked, "Ee Lin!! I haven't heard your laughter for ages!! I miss it so much...." That exact moment, I felt like I've found my old self!! I can be who I wanna be...I guess I do laugh like that in Adelaide too, but not as freely as I wanted to because my friends would tell me that people are looking. It may be embarrassing, but I miss doing that so much!! So what if people are looking?? I laugh like no one's around...juz in my own world, where everything stands still.
Maybe because in Adelaide, I look out for my manners alot that I don't feel natural. Even the 1st time hanging out with my best friend of 5 years, I felt so weird...I even said excuse me after burping. She said "aiya, it's not your first time la ok?!" and I thought: oh...I've totally forgotten how to act in front of her. *sigh* I feel so torn apart. Malaysia and Adelaide, which is my home?? The me in Malaysia vs. the me in Adelaide, which is the real me??
I guess I'm just too emotional...=)
XOXO,
Me
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
What did I do today?
Woke up today and a thought passed through my mind "go for the Popular Bookstore interview and get yourself a job!"
I was so determined to get that job...I mean, getting a job is one of the things I wanna do when I get back to Penang.
So off I went to Gurney Plaza (GP) right after my lunch, walked into Popular with high hopes and I realised that the poster with the recruiting information was gone!! They must've hired someone already...*sigh*
As determined as I was, I walked around GP, hoping to find shops with vacancy notices on the glass door. I did find a few but I was too shy to walk in to ask =S Coward, I know...
In the end, I did walk in 2 stores to ask - 1 is Tower Records which sells CDs and another 1 is Memory Lane which sells cards n souvenirs. Didn't get to be interviewed but the TR guy asked me to come back the next day because their manager wasn't in and the ML lady said she'll call me for an interview.
Right now, I really really hope I get the TR job...haha~ If I get it, it would be my 1st job ever!!!
p/s: more updates on my job interview tomorrow or when I remember XP
XOXO,
Me
I was so determined to get that job...I mean, getting a job is one of the things I wanna do when I get back to Penang.
So off I went to Gurney Plaza (GP) right after my lunch, walked into Popular with high hopes and I realised that the poster with the recruiting information was gone!! They must've hired someone already...*sigh*
As determined as I was, I walked around GP, hoping to find shops with vacancy notices on the glass door. I did find a few but I was too shy to walk in to ask =S Coward, I know...
In the end, I did walk in 2 stores to ask - 1 is Tower Records which sells CDs and another 1 is Memory Lane which sells cards n souvenirs. Didn't get to be interviewed but the TR guy asked me to come back the next day because their manager wasn't in and the ML lady said she'll call me for an interview.
Right now, I really really hope I get the TR job...haha~ If I get it, it would be my 1st job ever!!!
p/s: more updates on my job interview tomorrow or when I remember XP
XOXO,
Me
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Thrilled
Woke up...had my breakfast consisting of half-boiled egg with soy sauce and pepper and homemade bread (yummy!!), checked my e-mail...
There it was, sitting in my inbox!
The name was EM...so I thought it was from EM that I know in Adelaide, but I felt a little weird as why EM would send me e-mails about volunteering in medical camps =S
As I read the e-mail further, I realised it was from EM, my bio lecturer who taught me last year!!
She's a strong woman with aspiration to care for the environment. She loves her job as a botanist and most of all, she's the one who inspired me!
Well, she's also the one who got me into donating my hair to kids who have diseases that cause hair loss. =)
I really can't wait to see her again...never in my life had someone influenced me so positively!!
Time to get ready and go out for lunch!!
Before I go, I realised Penang people are just so simple...I can go out in a T-shirt and shorts...without even worrying about not shaving the hair on my legs! Lalala~ I feel so free!!
XOXO,
Me
There it was, sitting in my inbox!
The name was EM...so I thought it was from EM that I know in Adelaide, but I felt a little weird as why EM would send me e-mails about volunteering in medical camps =S
As I read the e-mail further, I realised it was from EM, my bio lecturer who taught me last year!!
She's a strong woman with aspiration to care for the environment. She loves her job as a botanist and most of all, she's the one who inspired me!
Well, she's also the one who got me into donating my hair to kids who have diseases that cause hair loss. =)
I really can't wait to see her again...never in my life had someone influenced me so positively!!
Time to get ready and go out for lunch!!
Before I go, I realised Penang people are just so simple...I can go out in a T-shirt and shorts...without even worrying about not shaving the hair on my legs! Lalala~ I feel so free!!
XOXO,
Me
Sunday, December 02, 2007
I'm sick and tired...
...of being the only one that is making an effort to keep in touch!!
Why does it always have to be me?!
Well, maybe they don't miss me enough...I don't know.
They say that time and distance make people grow apart, I don't think so...it's up to us to make an effort, really.
Everytime I tell myself that if they don't do their part, then I don't give a damn!
But, no...I think it's just such a waste to throw away a friendship like that...
Instead, I'm the one who got hurt...right...how smart am I?
Enough said, I shall not give a damn!
XOXO,
Me
Why does it always have to be me?!
Well, maybe they don't miss me enough...I don't know.
They say that time and distance make people grow apart, I don't think so...it's up to us to make an effort, really.
Everytime I tell myself that if they don't do their part, then I don't give a damn!
But, no...I think it's just such a waste to throw away a friendship like that...
Instead, I'm the one who got hurt...right...how smart am I?
Enough said, I shall not give a damn!
XOXO,
Me
Friday, November 30, 2007
food for thought
i've been home for 4 days already...instead of feeling relaxed n happy, i feel worried and troubled.
it made me realise how fast time flies...with a blink of an eye, i'll be out working as a psychologist (hopefully) and it would be the time to make a decision on where i wanna settle down - malaysia or adelaide (or any other part of the world)?
i told myself before that i'll juz accept whatever God brings me to...if i get a husband in adelaide n he wants to stay there, so be it. but what if i'm still single by the time i graduate and i dunno where to settle? family or career? i know that maybe, juz maybe i'll earn more n progress more if i work outside malaysia but my family members are all back home...and they won't live forever. would i wanna risk not seeing them and regret later on?
not only that, seeing the dilemma my cousin sister has to go through got me thinking as well. now that she has a baby, she's in a dilemma if she wants to stay at home to look after her baby or go to work and let her parents bring the baby home to be cared for. personally, i would wanna look after my baby myself but on the other hand, my cousin needs to work as well as they wouldn't be able to afford raising the baby.
i know this sounds crazy...i only finished 1st year of uni and i'm thinking about this. i used to say "i'll graduate first and then i'll see how it goes" but time flies way too fast...before i know it, i'll be graduating and i'll be realising that i haven't planned much. mayb it'd be way easier if i never get married, but what IF i do? will i give up the opportunity to work just to stay at home n take care of my child? for a person as sentimental as myself, i wanna witness every progress my child makes...reading www.karencheng.com.au has opened my eyes to the fact that we should find ways to open doors for ourselves. although karencheng is a stay-at-home-mom, she seems to have fun and leads her life to the fullest. as she's interested in art, she finds ways to improve herself in this industry without feeling that her kids pose as a burden to her.
some people think that kids are a burden to them but the fact is it's the parents' fault that they did not plan carefully before deciding to have kids! *sigh* i dunno...i know i sound like a crazy woman...shall stop right here before people think i'm off in the head.
ok ok, i'd better stop right here before i go on n on n on about my worries about the future.
XOXO,
Me
it made me realise how fast time flies...with a blink of an eye, i'll be out working as a psychologist (hopefully) and it would be the time to make a decision on where i wanna settle down - malaysia or adelaide (or any other part of the world)?
i told myself before that i'll juz accept whatever God brings me to...if i get a husband in adelaide n he wants to stay there, so be it. but what if i'm still single by the time i graduate and i dunno where to settle? family or career? i know that maybe, juz maybe i'll earn more n progress more if i work outside malaysia but my family members are all back home...and they won't live forever. would i wanna risk not seeing them and regret later on?
not only that, seeing the dilemma my cousin sister has to go through got me thinking as well. now that she has a baby, she's in a dilemma if she wants to stay at home to look after her baby or go to work and let her parents bring the baby home to be cared for. personally, i would wanna look after my baby myself but on the other hand, my cousin needs to work as well as they wouldn't be able to afford raising the baby.
i know this sounds crazy...i only finished 1st year of uni and i'm thinking about this. i used to say "i'll graduate first and then i'll see how it goes" but time flies way too fast...before i know it, i'll be graduating and i'll be realising that i haven't planned much. mayb it'd be way easier if i never get married, but what IF i do? will i give up the opportunity to work just to stay at home n take care of my child? for a person as sentimental as myself, i wanna witness every progress my child makes...reading www.karencheng.com.au has opened my eyes to the fact that we should find ways to open doors for ourselves. although karencheng is a stay-at-home-mom, she seems to have fun and leads her life to the fullest. as she's interested in art, she finds ways to improve herself in this industry without feeling that her kids pose as a burden to her.
some people think that kids are a burden to them but the fact is it's the parents' fault that they did not plan carefully before deciding to have kids! *sigh* i dunno...i know i sound like a crazy woman...shall stop right here before people think i'm off in the head.
ok ok, i'd better stop right here before i go on n on n on about my worries about the future.
XOXO,
Me
Friday, November 23, 2007
Psyched!!
Exams are officially over yesterday...and I thank God that He's always with me during the good times and the bad.
Without Him, I would've just given up...
So, what did I do after my exams?
M2 and I went to get bubble tea straightaway! WOOHOO~
Then we met up with E and L for lunch...was a little full on the pearls in the bubble tea, so ended up eating an original spud with butter, cheese and sour cream!
Came back...I had my nap until 7 something (or was it 8?) Had my "dinner" at 9+ pm...so not me.
Anyway, we watched Silence of the Lambs, which is a psychological thriller, and The Ring (japanese version)...Went to bed at 4am =S
Can't believe, on the day I finish my exams, my lifestyle became so unhealthy...oh, not forgetting the part where E and I went down to make something to eat...eating at ungodly hours!!
Gotta pack my things today...hopefully I won't get a headache.
p/s: I'm currently in love with Shayne Ward...<3 *melts in a puddle* XP
Without Him, I would've just given up...
So, what did I do after my exams?
M2 and I went to get bubble tea straightaway! WOOHOO~
Then we met up with E and L for lunch...was a little full on the pearls in the bubble tea, so ended up eating an original spud with butter, cheese and sour cream!
Came back...I had my nap until 7 something (or was it 8?) Had my "dinner" at 9+ pm...so not me.
Anyway, we watched Silence of the Lambs, which is a psychological thriller, and The Ring (japanese version)...Went to bed at 4am =S
Can't believe, on the day I finish my exams, my lifestyle became so unhealthy...oh, not forgetting the part where E and I went down to make something to eat...eating at ungodly hours!!
Gotta pack my things today...hopefully I won't get a headache.
p/s: I'm currently in love with Shayne Ward...<3 *melts in a puddle* XP
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Counting down the days...
...till I see your face once again.
By now, J has already arrived in Pg, back to her cozy and comfy home and loving parents.
I'm stuck here, with one last paper to sit for the day after tomorrow but it seems so faraway...
Supposed to be studying about the female reproductive system, hormones and the skin, instead, I'm here blogging!!
Seriously, I feel a bit scared to go home, not knowing if it'd feel the same way before...having spent most of my days here in Australia.
What if there's a gap between us?
Oh well, talking about going home, I still don't have a clue where my plane ticket is!!!!!!!
*panicking* I have this piece of paper with my flight details printed on it...but is that the ticket?? J says I have to print an electronic ticket from the internet...but how?! =S
Laugh at me all you want, this is gonna be my first time flying on my own...I'm so excited seriously!! XD
Can't believe my 1st year of uni has come and gone, just like that...with a blink of an eye!
I feel old...It's alright, according to psychology research, people are only old when they feel old. So, I'm gonna remain young at heart!!!! So what if P thinks I'm childish?! I don't give a damn...lalala~
OK, gotta get my ass to studying...hormones...I even dreamt of hormones =.= *sigh* Study, sit for exams, enjoy and fly home! That's my ultimate goal...
p/s: Reminds me of a song called "That's my goal" by Shayne Ward, winner of X-Factor...super romantic!!! <3
Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from
You know my story
You know why I'm standing here...
Tonight
Please don't go
Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear
Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something
Worth reaching for
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go
You know that I need you
I can't breathe without you
Live without you
Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
No more...
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Well I won't stop believing
That we will be living together
So when I say I love you
I mean it forever and ever
ever and ever....
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
Yes I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal....
XOXO,
Me
By now, J has already arrived in Pg, back to her cozy and comfy home and loving parents.
I'm stuck here, with one last paper to sit for the day after tomorrow but it seems so faraway...
Supposed to be studying about the female reproductive system, hormones and the skin, instead, I'm here blogging!!
Seriously, I feel a bit scared to go home, not knowing if it'd feel the same way before...having spent most of my days here in Australia.
What if there's a gap between us?
Oh well, talking about going home, I still don't have a clue where my plane ticket is!!!!!!!
*panicking* I have this piece of paper with my flight details printed on it...but is that the ticket?? J says I have to print an electronic ticket from the internet...but how?! =S
Laugh at me all you want, this is gonna be my first time flying on my own...I'm so excited seriously!! XD
Can't believe my 1st year of uni has come and gone, just like that...with a blink of an eye!
I feel old...It's alright, according to psychology research, people are only old when they feel old. So, I'm gonna remain young at heart!!!! So what if P thinks I'm childish?! I don't give a damn...lalala~
OK, gotta get my ass to studying...hormones...I even dreamt of hormones =.= *sigh* Study, sit for exams, enjoy and fly home! That's my ultimate goal...
p/s: Reminds me of a song called "That's my goal" by Shayne Ward, winner of X-Factor...super romantic!!! <3
Shayne Ward - That's My Goal
You know where I come from
You know my story
You know why I'm standing here...
Tonight
Please don't go
Don't be in a hurry
I'm here to make it clear
Make it right
Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something
Worth reaching for
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Please don't go
You know that I need you
I can't breathe without you
Live without you
Be without you
Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
No more...
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Well I won't stop believing
That we will be living together
So when I say I love you
I mean it forever and ever
ever and ever....
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
Yes I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal....
XOXO,
Me
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Emotional numbing
A is online now...
If it was me a year ago, my heart would've beaten a thousand times faster...
Now, I don't feel a thing...all I wanna know is if he's doing OK.
All I wanna do is to just chat with him once again like old days...
When I was still an inquisitive little kid and he would call me "little girl" teasingly...
Old days...
Too bad I've grown up now and he has his life to lead.
=)
XOXO,
Me
If it was me a year ago, my heart would've beaten a thousand times faster...
Now, I don't feel a thing...all I wanna know is if he's doing OK.
All I wanna do is to just chat with him once again like old days...
When I was still an inquisitive little kid and he would call me "little girl" teasingly...
Old days...
Too bad I've grown up now and he has his life to lead.
=)
XOXO,
Me
Ain't it funny?
Supposed to be studying psychology, yes.
Instead I chatted with a friend....
Isn't it funny that whenever we have something we don't appreciate it, but when we lose it then we see the value and regret not appreciating it.
Some people search for true love....but what exactly is true love?!
When we think that we've found our true love, it turns out otherwise.
I admit that I can't wait to find my one true love (in human sense), but at the end of the day, God has my life planned out perfectly...therefore I don't have to worry about anything.
My friend, J2, who is seldom single is constantly searching for the one...she said she can't help but feel phobic because of her failed relationships.
Aren't those failed relationships suppose to be lessons learnt?
This whole "love" thing is so complicated for some, but so simple for some...
One of my friends, M, once said...how big is the probability for 2 human beings to actually love each other?
I think it's hard...it's either 1 loves the other first or vice versa.
What's my point of typing this post? I dunno...LOL
It just amuses me how different people view relationships.
Hehehe~ as for me, I'm still stuck in fairytales XP
Gotta get back to studying!!!
XOXO,
Me
Instead I chatted with a friend....
Isn't it funny that whenever we have something we don't appreciate it, but when we lose it then we see the value and regret not appreciating it.
Some people search for true love....but what exactly is true love?!
When we think that we've found our true love, it turns out otherwise.
I admit that I can't wait to find my one true love (in human sense), but at the end of the day, God has my life planned out perfectly...therefore I don't have to worry about anything.
My friend, J2, who is seldom single is constantly searching for the one...she said she can't help but feel phobic because of her failed relationships.
Aren't those failed relationships suppose to be lessons learnt?
This whole "love" thing is so complicated for some, but so simple for some...
One of my friends, M, once said...how big is the probability for 2 human beings to actually love each other?
I think it's hard...it's either 1 loves the other first or vice versa.
What's my point of typing this post? I dunno...LOL
It just amuses me how different people view relationships.
Hehehe~ as for me, I'm still stuck in fairytales XP
Gotta get back to studying!!!
XOXO,
Me
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I'm alive, people!!
Yo yo yo yo....
hehehehe~ As you can tell by the title and the "opening" of this post, I am an extremely happy girl right now!
Been down with fever for the past 3 days =( It was terrible!!!! >.<
Tuesday afternoon, while studying in my room, I felt a throbbing headache so I went to have a nap, thinking that I must've been too stressed. Considering the fact that I felt nausea the whole day didn't help much as well...Woke up for dinner...had no appetite and my throbbing headache was worse than ever! Couldn't study at all...went to bed with 2 panadols.
Praying that my fever would subside soon so that I could resume my revision, I woke up with utter disappointment. Headache was still there and I felt like vomiting every time I saw food. *SIGH* Honestly my headache was that bad that I can't even remember what happened on Wednesday...
*fast forward*
Slept the whole Thursday...did study a few pages of lymphocytes =S Anyway, Friday morning, I woke up feeling cold even though I was underneath my blanket...which means I haven't recovered from my fever yet...After having my lunch, I felt better. When I got up to wipe myself with warm water, I thought I was OK until I took the bus to the city! I felt like fainting the whole way. The bus was super crowded with high school kids and their loud chattering made my headache worse!! Was hoping I could reach the city sooner so that I could go get the porridge I was craving for since I had fever but the bus kept stopping at bus stops to let passengers on board/alight. Once I stepped foot under the sun @.@ My head was throbbing even harder....Supposed to be the backup singer for OCF that night but I just couldn't do it. Asked E to take my place. As if having fever n throbbing headache is not enough, I had to burn my tongue while eating my porridge!! =S
It's alright...my prayers have been answered...now is all new!! Time to study!!
p/s: Just a super duper short update to let you guys know I'm alive and well!! Don't worry =D
XOXO,
Me
hehehehe~ As you can tell by the title and the "opening" of this post, I am an extremely happy girl right now!
Been down with fever for the past 3 days =( It was terrible!!!! >.<
Tuesday afternoon, while studying in my room, I felt a throbbing headache so I went to have a nap, thinking that I must've been too stressed. Considering the fact that I felt nausea the whole day didn't help much as well...Woke up for dinner...had no appetite and my throbbing headache was worse than ever! Couldn't study at all...went to bed with 2 panadols.
Praying that my fever would subside soon so that I could resume my revision, I woke up with utter disappointment. Headache was still there and I felt like vomiting every time I saw food. *SIGH* Honestly my headache was that bad that I can't even remember what happened on Wednesday...
*fast forward*
Slept the whole Thursday...did study a few pages of lymphocytes =S Anyway, Friday morning, I woke up feeling cold even though I was underneath my blanket...which means I haven't recovered from my fever yet...After having my lunch, I felt better. When I got up to wipe myself with warm water, I thought I was OK until I took the bus to the city! I felt like fainting the whole way. The bus was super crowded with high school kids and their loud chattering made my headache worse!! Was hoping I could reach the city sooner so that I could go get the porridge I was craving for since I had fever but the bus kept stopping at bus stops to let passengers on board/alight. Once I stepped foot under the sun @.@ My head was throbbing even harder....Supposed to be the backup singer for OCF that night but I just couldn't do it. Asked E to take my place. As if having fever n throbbing headache is not enough, I had to burn my tongue while eating my porridge!! =S
It's alright...my prayers have been answered...now is all new!! Time to study!!
p/s: Just a super duper short update to let you guys know I'm alive and well!! Don't worry =D
XOXO,
Me
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