Friday, December 21, 2007

It's been too long...

...since I left you here.

My holidays are great...meaning I finally feel the feeling of having a holiday! Been busy hanging out with friends from the past (well, it kinda feels like it) and reliving memories.

During the past 1 year, well, maybe not...9 months being away from home, I guess I realized a great deal of facts about life. As for me, I think I've learnt that if we keep hanging on to the past, we are unable to live out future to the fullest. However, if we remember lessons from the past and apply it in the future, then it would bring us benefits. It may sound easy but one thing I know is that I'm not the kind who can juz forget about the past and move on like that...sometimes I think too much, sometimes I say things without thinking, sometimes I regret not doing the things that I should have. So you see, I do think about the past now and then. Being back home for nearly a month, I've been chasing my past. I wanna make everything right again. So, I finally made it up to a friend whom I've lost contact with for ages since he had his girlfriend. After all, he's leaving for US in January.

Just the other day, I was laughing my signature laughter with my Penang friends at Gurney Plaza and suddenly one of them remarked, "Ee Lin!! I haven't heard your laughter for ages!! I miss it so much...." That exact moment, I felt like I've found my old self!! I can be who I wanna be...I guess I do laugh like that in Adelaide too, but not as freely as I wanted to because my friends would tell me that people are looking. It may be embarrassing, but I miss doing that so much!! So what if people are looking?? I laugh like no one's around...juz in my own world, where everything stands still.

Maybe because in Adelaide, I look out for my manners alot that I don't feel natural. Even the 1st time hanging out with my best friend of 5 years, I felt so weird...I even said excuse me after burping. She said "aiya, it's not your first time la ok?!" and I thought: oh...I've totally forgotten how to act in front of her. *sigh* I feel so torn apart. Malaysia and Adelaide, which is my home?? The me in Malaysia vs. the me in Adelaide, which is the real me??

I guess I'm just too emotional...=)



gen said...

hey, good post. i love it.

so true to everyone.
esp me.

we are all being assimilated.

Lin said...

hey gen!!!

thanks *hugs*