大男人

Disclaimer: The content of this blog post is merely what I think, not directed to anyone in particular.

今天一早就跟我朋友的男朋友聊天。他呢，也是鼎鼎有名的大男人, 跟我朋友 (L) 交往了有四年。虽然 L 有时候会在我们面前控诉他，但是她脸上每次就是洋溢着幸福的光芒。我们看了也感受到那种幸福，跟着她一起说男朋友的“坏话”。哈哈！

在我这么多男生朋友里面，我看出了三种大男人：
1. 非常大男人，他对别人特别好，但就是对女生的家人不好的那种；
2. 浪漫型的，处处都会为女友着想，有好的总会跟女友分享，连找工和学习的地点都会以女的为主；
3. 隐藏式的呵护，在背后做很多关心女生的事情，女生的基本需要都照顾得很齐全，连对女生身边的朋友也一样照顾，但是死爱面子不说好听的话，处处为女的着想，虽然有时会让女的觉得被受控制。

有一次跟一位第二类大男人的男生朋友出去，不知道谈到什么，他说我绝对顶不了大男人。我当时给他的答案是要看是什么样的大男人吧！L 的男朋友就是第三种大男人。他会顾及我朋友的衣食住行。有很多人跟我说过，有一次 L 的朋友大失恋，有做傻事的倾向，L 的男朋友赶紧到她家去，确定她没做傻事，还苦口婆心地劝她，让她把她的混蛋前男友放下。还有一次我们去旅行，L 的男友联络不上她，明明就很着急却骂了 L，两人脸黑黑的。从中真地看出来他很担心她却没有好好表达。

其实，两人在一起虽然一方会用他自己的方式去爱、去表达并不代表他没你想象中爱你，只是看你有没有感受到罢了。既然两人相爱而在一起，那就应该紧紧抓着彼此不放才是。如果说受不了一些事情，那为何当初又可以接受？一个人应该很清楚自己要的是什么，能够接受什么，而不是在一起了才来说无法忍受什么。这样分手的时候真的会伤了明明就很爱你、关心你的那个人。也许当初能够接受的理由就是心里深处总希望对方会改变，但是事实就是对方很有可能是不会改变成你喜欢的那种人。很多时候情侣间都是少了沟通吧，才会导致两人之间很多问题的出现。

虽然很多身边的朋友都催我找个好男人，但是我觉得当个单身的女生也不错。看着这么多情侣的例子，我也更加了解自己所想的、所要的。这样一来，现在的我可以充实自己，调整自己，建造一个比以前有更自信的独立女性。当我找到对的的时候，我会加倍珍惜，也省下了许多不必要的心痛和伤痛，给未来的他最好的我！所以，请不要再催我了，终身大事是急不 得的。

希望每个情人终成眷属吧！就算现在还没找到，相信将来会找到！

XOXO,
Me

2012 is full of...

....health problems so far.


*WARNING: girl stuff up ahead, don't say I didn't warn you. It is not too late to click close*

I don't remember feeling sick all the time. It's funny how all my health problems seem to disappear when I went to Adelaide. Probably all the walking and healthy lifestyle/diet helped. Even those annoying once-a-month cramps were gone. When I came back to Malaysia for good in 2011, everything just came back...reminding me of the pain and the discomfort. *SIGH* I love being a girl...but this is just too much to bear. It feels like labour pain, I think, except labour pain is a few more times worse than this.

Woke up feeling crap today. Had a few mouthfuls of pumpkin kuih with chilli sauce and my throat felt sore. Gah...I knew something was up. I can read my body symptoms so well I knew what was coming but was secretly hoping that I was wrong. Felt lethargic so I went to sleep after my late lunch. Woke up and my prediction was confirmed. Then....I felt like dying because of the pain so I wrapped myself in my comforter with the fan full on and woke up at 9pm to have my dinner.

And now...I'm sitting here typing this because I simply need to rant and I realise that I can't really find someone to rant because it's just so unimportant. lol. And my current guy friend is just not a suitable candidate.

*From this point onwards, no more girly stuff.*

Oh how unhealthy my lifestyle in Penang is. Waking up at irregular times, having afternoon naps that interfere with the quality of sleep at night, having meals at irregular times, eating unhealthy hawker/processed food, driving to places instead of walking etc. I've been trying to sleep early but why is it so difficult to?! Could it be the fact that it's simply too happening. Friends are everywhere. I'm guessing my pimple breakout has got to do with my lifestyle and work too. Seriously looking forward to the day when my skin would look like how it looked like 2 years ago. Back then I thought my skin was terrible until now...hmmm...that's why they say, humans are never satisfied with what they have until they lose it. Oh, so true!

On another totally unrelated note, just found out the FIRST guy I ever had a crush on in pre-school is married! Whoa...now I'm waiting to see which other guys I used to have a crush on are getting married. lol. It scares me how time flies. I was so eager to grow up, just for A to see that I'm not a little girl. But...I guess to A, I'll forever be a little girl. Now that I'm all grown up, I wish I could turn back time. I want to be that carefree and happy girl I used to be. It's true that the number of times we laugh decreases as we age, with too much to worry/think about. I just got to keep reminding myself that we grow old because we stop laughing. After all, laughing is the best medicine, right? RIGHT.

Year 1991 

Year 1992

Year 2007

Need to keep reminding myself to laugh, regardless of the circumstance I'm in. 

XOXO,

Me

Unknown emotion

I just woke up from a 3-hour nap, which was supposed to be only an hour. I guess it's the norm these days. If I don't take a nap in the afternoon, the next day I'd be a zombie. Taking naps in the afternoon actually reminds me of primary and high school so much. Those were the days when I came home from school, had lunch and plopped myself on the bed (without changing or taking a shower). Then I'd wake up just in time for dinner and after that would be homework. I don't remember ever taking an afternoon nap THAT long since after high school. When I went to uni, my sleeping habit was quite a healthy one - sleeping by 12am and waking up at 8am every day. I don't know what happened when I came home...that very strict routine of mine went down the drain. For the past week I've been trying very very hard to go to bed earlier at night but so far my effort seems futile because of my long afternoon nap.

I just realised I wrote a whole paragraph on afternoon nap. Riiiight. So, after 3 hours of sleep I'm sitting here feeling....weird. Don't even know this feeling/emotion. My mind is just so active yet so blank. Listening to Kana Nishino's Missing You and I think I might have assigned this song to a certain someone (CS). I am sure that in the future when I listen to this I'd think of CS. But then again, everything fades with time.

So, was supposed to have dinner with a friend but she ended up cancelling it because she felt tired. Well, it's not exactly a bad thing since I was feeling lazy to go out anyway. I guess deep down I'm a homey person? Like I don't mind people cancelling appointments UNLESS I woke up early for it OR I've already gotten all ready and waiting. Woke up to a dark house. No one to be seen or heard. Turned out my parents went to Tesco, without me! OK to be fair, they thought I was going out for dinner with my friend. *sigh* I so want to  go do some grocery shopping! Oh well...

It's finally Friday, the long awaited day. Finally, I can happily say that I'm counting down to the day I leave this workplace. I know I'll miss the children very much though sometimes they get on my nerves. But deep down I actually do love them (although I complain about them a lot). LOL Children...I so need to have the mind of little children - simple and innocent. The adult world does make things complicated. Children are so fearless and carefree. I remember being just like that but as I grew up, I struggled to keep my identity whilst trying to fit into the adult society. Oh, the struggle. I remember how people used to tell me to appreciate my uni life because when you step into the workplace, it'll never be the same. Come to think of it, I'm glad I started working at Popular. It was my first job ever, though part-time. I got to meet friends whom I'm still in touch today and I got to experience the retail industry. Don't think I'll go into said industry in the future. Then it was the job after that. Having only 4 people, including me, in the office, I still had my fair share of fun moments with my colleague and superior. However, if I had to describe my second job in 2 words, they'd be boring and monotonous. I literally kept checking the time, hoping that the hands on the clock would miraculously point to the numbers 5 and 6. After I left my second job, I finally got to experience the gossiping and backstabbing thing that often occur in the workplace. I tried so hard to keep my head up and not drown in the culture and I got tired of it. Maybe that's why I just can't wait to leave. No more fake smiles/greetings. Funny thing is, my usual talkative self managed to keep mum when some teachers complain to me about the other teachers. I'm just so impressed with myself. So top tip to survive at workplace: NEVER conform to the culture and stay true to yourself  (I know, it sounds so cliche but it's true!).

Like I said I don't know what/how I'm feeling at the moment. As I reread this post, I realised I already wrote an essay. Oh and how fragmented this post is. Each paragraph is just so unrelated to the other paragraphs. So on another unrelated note, another friend is sending my dinner over! Whee...suddenly feel so loved. Hehe...Best part is I don't have to step out of the house yet I get to have dinner in the comfort of my own home. :D

I think I have babbled enough...for now.

XOXO,
Me

原来......

......晚上睡不着是多么可怕的事情！昨晚一整晚在床上辗转，脑袋不停地在胡思乱想。也许是下午睡得太久了吧，导致晚上超精神的。又是时候再调回生理的时间了，不然真的后果不堪设想。连去做工，也是拖着疲乏的身子在做，一旦有休息的时间，脑袋立刻封闭！不常头痛的我最近也常头痛......

我....能不能永远不要醒来？我想就这样睡着.....

Random "poem"

Wrote this out of boredom:


Late at night, lying on my bed
Replaying that thing you said
I wish I could find an explanation
To all my confusion

Rojak

Come on...seriously, just because you people are attached, what makes you think I'm lonely and jealous? =.= I have my life to live...I don't have the time to envy other people's love lives. You feel sorry for me? I feel sorry for YOU for having to bear with your overly attached girlfriend! Now shoo, stop asking me to get a guy. I don't need a guy to live. If you ever mention anything about how I need to get myself a boyfriend........I am going to make you sorry.


Not a blog post, merely a rant.


On another note (I don't have bipolar!!!), I've been feeling so tired lately that as soon as my head touches my pillow off I go to slumberland! No dreams, no nightmares, nothing...no consciousness whatsoever. This is starting to worry me a little.


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At the risk of sounding like I'm thinking too much, what does it mean when a guy tells you that you're his 知己 and 最重要的人？
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Finally watching Brave! Yayy...well, if everything goes as planned. Quoting WH, "huh? the cha bor so ugly, hair like broom" LOL
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Been craving for food lately...feeling like a pregnant woman except no tummy. XD
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Sometimes I wonder if I have emotions at all. I do my poker face so well that I get fooled by myself at times.  And no matter how terrible a news is, I can still hold a straight face like nothing happened. Hmmm...


OK, abrupt end to a random post.


XOXO

身为朋友......

......很多时候我不知道该对你说什么才好。虽然你说只希望有个人聆听你诉苦，但是看到你这副憔悴又沮丧的模样就真的有点难受。

我明白不管我说什么也没用，因为我一点也不了解你的感受。你问我，为什么你身边的人都不说点正面的话，其实他们也不是故意说负面的，只是你现在的心情就是听不进去任何的话。

你早已经明白很多事情，只是迟迟无法放开、前进，为的是你们之间有实在太多回忆让你爱不释手。所以，我已停止问你你好不好。我知道当你需要我这个朋友聆听的时候你自然会找我.....我总怕说错话，让你更难过。

你说你多希望像我单身快乐、无忧无虑的。但是你不知道单身的我烦恼还真多，哈哈！我看起来快乐，也许是我铁石心肠吧！我一旦决定的事情，就不会再多逗留一会儿。虽然内心很痛苦，还是很理智的活下去！我不想因为一些事情而影响了我所可以得到的未来，我绝对不能对不起我自己还有爱我的家人。

很多时候我好想狠狠骂醒你，但我了解你自己也不想这样。况且我没有真正的失恋过，所以没有资格骂你。你现在需要的是时间......让时间冲淡一切，让你习惯没有她的日子。我相信在世界某个角落，你的真爱正在那里耐心地等你。那么你也要慢慢调回你的心情，重拾自己为你那未来的女人做好准备。在你遇到她的时候，你会看回去谢谢今天的她。如果不是今天的她，你也不会遇到她。

她说得对，也许以后还会有机会在一起。那么你可以把这句话存放在心里，抱着希望放手。如果真的在一起了，至少你没有浪费你的生命做些无聊的事；就算没在一起，也至少你已准备迎接新的恋情。