Up north

So I've been in Nottingham for 2 days, the first day was filled with mixed emotions. I guess everything just happened too fast. Really wanted to write here but was afraid that once I start I'd start to get emotional all over again. As I'm typing this, my eyes are starting to well up again. Ah, I can do this!

I could still remember so vividly how I felt heavy-hearted to leave Penang. After all, I was back home for more than a year after my undergraduate graduation. I was already so settled back home, with friends I've made while working. I experienced Penang so much more in just 1 year than I have ever experienced for the past 23 years. All the late-night supper outings, spontaneous breakfast/lunch dates, the annoying sound of my house phone,  the sound of TV from the living room, the sound of traffic just outside my bedroom etc. All the familiar sights and sounds are all gone. Argh!

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Had a breakdown after typing the above. Anyway, classes have already started a week before my arrival so I was pretty busy settling down and catching up on missed lectures. So far there's not much progress and it's stressing me out. I thought I was fine until today, burst out crying sitting in front of the computer. I guess I suppressed my emo-ness for too long. To be honest, I'm not even sure if it's homesickness because I don't think of home that much. It's probably the lack of human interaction here, as I don't really mix around with the students here at my accommodation and I'm not into late-night drinking/partying. All I want is to have a conversation over a proper meal. Is that too much to ask for? And don't get me started on the time difference. I'm still trying to figure out how to keep in touch with friends and family back home as best as possible. I absolutely hate that feeling when I come home and everyone else back home has gone to bed. It sucks to the max! I guess this emo-ness is also part of my own doing. I guess I'm an introvert after all.

突然想用中文来表达。我今天才发现每次我出国就变得比较爱哭，虽然我本身不是一个爱哭的人。似乎小小的事情就可以让我感动流泪，这样的自己很可怕。太感性不见得是件好事，因为这样反而给自己带来伤痛。有时候走在街上看见令我惊叹的事物，好想转过去跟旁边人说“哇，你看！！！”才发现没有人在身旁，那种情绪又被收回了。这时，我就很想快速地飞奔回家上线，跟家里的朋友们会见。就因为这样，我突然有了想换智慧型电话的念头，想随时随地都能够被联络到。我也非常庆幸目前的我还单身，不需要经历远距离恋爱。我想，那种感觉真的不好受吧！

明天就是中秋节了。还记得以前在澳洲的时候，妈妈总是把月饼结冻等我回来吃。我临走前一晚，我的朋友们买了灯笼要给我践行，但是最后却没有去提灯笼。我看着那个没得提的灯笼，感觉有点沮丧。其实自己也没那么爱吃月饼，只是月饼和家里有牵连关系。虽然每个人为我加油给予我支持，但是心里还是觉得很闷，甚至有点要爆炸的感觉。如果我可以一次把眼泪哭干那该多好！

理智的我跟自己说你离家一年罢了，很快的就会回家了。唉！