I'm devastated, don't ask.

Just came back from sitting for a paper. & guess what?! Instead of feeling relieved that I've finally finished 3 papers, I feel totally, utterly & extremely shitty! I dunno about you, but I somehow feel a tad inferior being around ang mohs in the exam hall. I know their first language is English & I bet that they'd think we, international students, are not as smart because we have to bring in dictionaries (not that we HAVE to, but just IN CASE they use bombastic words that are totally out of our league). It was distracting when the time for the ang mohs was up & they all left the exam hall. It made me feel nervous because now there were only a few international students left (we get extra 10 mins for every hour, in this case 20, since the exam duration was 2 hours).

*SIGH* Talking about time, I still cannot believe that we were given 2 hours for such a long paper!! =S The thing that makes me feel bo kam muan is that, I did extremely well for ALL the assignments for this subject & if this exam paper pulls down the average grade, I'd be damned! I KNOW I'll pass this paper, just not with flying colours, that's all. =( & I know how people always say "when you're in uni, as long as you pass, it's alright, you don't need distinctions to get a degree" but...this is something rather personal, like I fail to even reach my full potential, y'know? Somehow being brought up in a competitive Chinese school has instilled this kiasu-ness in me though I don't show it. My parents never pressured me into achieving excellent grades & I thank them for that because it makes me a person who knows how to think for their own good. & I don't wanna disappoint them, knowing I could've done waaaayyy better.

I'm going on & on & I know you're bored reading this. I just needed to rant. For the final paper, I'm gonna shine (hopefully)! *fingers crossed*

Me