Thursday, August 16, 2007


...can kill.

It's late but I'm here blogging. Why? Cause I need to let out some feelings...

I'm not sure if I used to be this stress in college, considering the fact that there were a lot of assignments to do as well.

Right now, I feel lifeless...Hate assignments, especially those that require you to list more than 10 references!! =S


Tell me, Jennifer, Prasana, Natalie...whoever went through college with me, was I this stressed??

I know I'm an easily stressed person and I think I'm not Psychology material but then I know I'm here for a reason...hopefully.

I think I'm having an anxiety disorder of some sort >.< Since schooling days, I can't sleep well when I have assignments due, exams coming up or after studying a subject that requires lots of memorising. I would dream about things I need to accomplish and things that happened before I sleep (in this case, studying/doing assignments).

S, who keeps "attacking" me whenever I speak because I'm a Psychology (or maybe cause I'm female) student makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Then again, I shouldn't let people bring me down cause I live for myself and not others.

Everytime this happens, the angel and devil inside me would proclaim war in my head. ARRGGGHHHH!

Could it be because I miss home? Back home when I'm stressed, I'll overcome it really quickly but here, I don't know...I just feel like I'd break anytime. This could be one of the reasons that led me to thinking about my family.

Experienced a major realisation today...

Sometimes crying is the only way to express how you feel...=')

I'd give up my tomorrows for just one yesterday. A hug anyone??

If tomorrow never comes, I just wanna tell all of you back home and here and all over Australia, US, UK and Japan that I love you guys alot alot!! [this doesn't sound like me =S]

I've been insensitive and inconsiderate in the past, would you forgive me?

See what stress made me do?! Reading too much on anxiety disorders doesn't help a teeny weeny bit as well...*sigh*

Counting the days till I stand at the arrival hall at Penang International Airport, waving frantically to my family and relatives with a big smile on my face...

Be strong, girl...Another 3 months and you'll get to go back home...home is where the heart is. I never understood that phrase until I came here.

I'm being super long-winded =S

Since I'm already typing this post, I might as well continue typing until I don't feel the stress anymore.

Used to think that people who are homesick are just plain weak. I thought I'd never feel homesick because I was so eager to leave home and venture the world, experience new experiences, meet new people, make new friends, learn new stuff and learn to be independent. Now I understand what my other friends meant when they say that we used to be so sheltered and protected.

I guess being sentimental doesn't help either. Knowing that my cousin's gonna give birth this month and I won't be there to see her newborn makes me a lil sad...Kids...I wanna see them grow...1 stage after another...By the time I fly to Singapore in December, her son would be 3 months old already. I'd never know how he looks like when he was born. And so this is the time when I rely on pictures to tell me stories.

Pictures...Lost 3 years' worth of pics right before I came here. I was totally heart broken. How would I remember my memories when I reach 70 or 80?? I would need pics to remind me then. *sigh*

I don't know what I'm babbling about. Maybe it's the bottled-up feelings.

Gonna stop before I bore anyone with this not-so-happy post =)

p/s: all my friends out there, you're not forgotten and never will be...[pls ignore all grammatical errors]



jennifer said...

ee lin!! I cant tell you how many things i agree with you in this post!! It's like my kind of writing whenever im feeling so stressed! hahahaa!! Minus the psychology bits of course. You get extra emo when you're stressed..that explains all the 'love you guys' stuff. lol! Once when i was stressed i also wrote some post addressed to my friends one by one, tellin them how much i appreciated them they thought i was gonna commit suicide!! hahahaa

"home is where the heart is. I never understood that phrase until I came here" Same here!!!! ahahaa. I've been using that phrase so often these days when i reply to ppl who ask me 'how are you?'. hehehe! So weird man...didnt feel home sick at all until now. Damn. REgreT SOOo mcuh for not going home in june =( I guess we only feel homesick when things are not right and we need support from the most important ppl - family.

& answer yr question, you were the calm one in college and i was the super stressed one!! But maybe yr stress just doesnt show much. But it really shows in this post. So you're almost on par with my stress levels!!! hhahaa. I dunno why im typing like its such a happy/funny thing (maybe cos im in an okay mood today). =p

ah well well, we can stress together here. sigh. at home its like..stress is somehow easier to overcome like you said. =( Maybe cos got parents there to remove some of it. Here you taking the stress all by yourself. Esp me, cooped up in my room with you-know-what happens most of the time in the house..argh!! tlkin bout this makes my stress return!!! Ahh okok i shold stop rambling. the longest comment ever!!

I miss homeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! My house, my room, the food, the surroundings, the road names, the ringgit malaysian rate, gurney...etc etc, my familyy!!

PS i think i could submit this comment as a post already!

Lin said...

wow...ur comment really can be considered as a post already!! i was like O.O when i opened the comment window...=D
wonder what i'll do if u're not in least we get to see some familiar penang faces XP
we shall strive here and go back together ok?!?!
thanks so much...*hugs* take care! ;)

jennifer said...

ee lin! hahaha that was what i told natalie before. stg along the lines of "luckily i have ee lin here. otherwise...die". hahaaha. so thankful and grateful for you being here really. Just realized the huge impact. =)

yeh...! cant wait to go backkk..counting down the months! Making it some kinda motivation for survival. lol. havta go back together..hope yr papers finish earlier than mine like how it was last sem then we can go back asap!!! Since i havent tken any pics in a plane before cos usually..who takes pics in a plane rite?! But then since travelling with frens, havta take pics in a plane! hahaahah! i know im crapping, my brain is 'dismantled'.

Lin said...

hahahaha~ yeah yeah!! camwhore on the plane! woohoo!! =D
once i know my exam timetable, i'll tell u k!! ;) can't wait can't wait...
i guess without alvin, i wouldn't have known u...hehe~ cause u didn't wanna sit with him during IT class remember? XD

jennifer said...

hahahaa!! no i cant rmb! =P

Lin said...

hehehehe~ u "can't" remember or u can't remember? =P