It's late but I'm here blogging. Why? Cause I need to let out some feelings...
I'm not sure if I used to be this stress in college, considering the fact that there were a lot of assignments to do as well.
Right now, I feel lifeless...Hate assignments, especially those that require you to list more than 10 references!! =S
Tell me, Jennifer, Prasana, Natalie...whoever went through college with me, was I this stressed??
I know I'm an easily stressed person and I think I'm not Psychology material but then I know I'm here for a reason...hopefully.
I think I'm having an anxiety disorder of some sort >.< Since schooling days, I can't sleep well when I have assignments due, exams coming up or after studying a subject that requires lots of memorising. I would dream about things I need to accomplish and things that happened before I sleep (in this case, studying/doing assignments).
S, who keeps "attacking" me whenever I speak because I'm a Psychology (or maybe cause I'm female) student makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Then again, I shouldn't let people bring me down cause I live for myself and not others.
Everytime this happens, the angel and devil inside me would proclaim war in my head. ARRGGGHHHH!
Could it be because I miss home? Back home when I'm stressed, I'll overcome it really quickly but here, I don't know...I just feel like I'd break anytime. This could be one of the reasons that led me to thinking about my family.
Experienced a major realisation today...
Sometimes crying is the only way to express how you feel...=')
I'd give up my tomorrows for just one yesterday. A hug anyone??
If tomorrow never comes, I just wanna tell all of you back home and here and all over Australia, US, UK and Japan that I love you guys alot alot!! [this doesn't sound like me =S]
I've been insensitive and inconsiderate in the past, would you forgive me?
See what stress made me do?! Reading too much on anxiety disorders doesn't help a teeny weeny bit as well...*sigh*
Counting the days till I stand at the arrival hall at Penang International Airport, waving frantically to my family and relatives with a big smile on my face...
Be strong, girl...Another 3 months and you'll get to go back home...home is where the heart is. I never understood that phrase until I came here.
I'm being super long-winded =S
Since I'm already typing this post, I might as well continue typing until I don't feel the stress anymore.
Used to think that people who are homesick are just plain weak. I thought I'd never feel homesick because I was so eager to leave home and venture the world, experience new experiences, meet new people, make new friends, learn new stuff and learn to be independent. Now I understand what my other friends meant when they say that we used to be so sheltered and protected.
I guess being sentimental doesn't help either. Knowing that my cousin's gonna give birth this month and I won't be there to see her newborn makes me a lil sad...Kids...I wanna see them grow...1 stage after another...By the time I fly to Singapore in December, her son would be 3 months old already. I'd never know how he looks like when he was born. And so this is the time when I rely on pictures to tell me stories.
Pictures...Lost 3 years' worth of pics right before I came here. I was totally heart broken. How would I remember my memories when I reach 70 or 80?? I would need pics to remind me then. *sigh*
I don't know what I'm babbling about. Maybe it's the bottled-up feelings.
Gonna stop before I bore anyone with this not-so-happy post =)
p/s: all my friends out there, you're not forgotten and never will be...[pls ignore all grammatical errors]