Thursday, April 18, 2013

I don't even know why...

...I'm writing this post. It's not like I have any updates (good ones) anyway.

It's just that besides praying, there's no one else I could turn to. I've been feeling extremely emotional and depressed for the past few weeks. I'm starting to feel that there's something wrong with me. Well, I blame hormones because I missed my period last month. But then again, I've never felt this way ever...

For the past 2 weeks, I kept feeling a lump in my chest. I really want to cry but I can't, and then I would cry over the most random things ever. These days I try to distant myself from everyone. I just don't feel like I'm in my best condition to interact socially, not even short conversations. However, I'd always log onto Facebook and Skype, hoping to find someone from home to talk to. Someone to hear me rant or just distract me from what I've been feeling. I'd always end up not talking to anyone in fear that I'm making them feel upset too. Even when I do talk to my mom, I'm always so happy-sounding but the moment she gets off Skype, I'm back to where I was.

Winter has gone...and Spring is finally here but I'm not feeling as happy as I thought I would, although sunshine does make everything seem a LITTLE bit better. Just a few days ago, I was feeling so down but I had an appointment with a friend to go shopping so I went anyway. The whole day, I felt like my chest was going to burst because I was suppressing my tears the whole afternoon. Really tried to cheer up and enjoyed the shopping but the moment I came home, everything's just back to how it was.

Funny thing is, everyone thinks I'm doing fine here, simply because of how happy I look in my Facebook pictures. Then again, who puts up sad pictures on Facebook? I really long to laugh again without constraints......Many times I think I really need to see a psychologist, someone to tell me what's wrong with me.

Should've showered an hour ago but ended up tearing up like no tomorrow. *sigh* Gotta suck it up and go cook dinner now. May tomorrow be a better day.


Anonymous said...

Hey Lin,
Is anything wrong? Is there anything that is upsetting you?
I encourage you to talk to your mom authentically about how you are feeling so that she can help cheer you up. You don't have to bottle everything inside because you are not alone. You've got plenty of friends and family who care about you and I'm sure they don't want you to be unhappy and to pretend everything is alright when it's not. :)
Come talk to me if you need a listening ear. :)


Lin said...

Hey Lydia,

The thing is, I don't know exactly what is upsetting me. My heart just feels heavy and whenever I think of home my heart aches a little. Maybe I just want to go home...been feeling sleep deprived here. Could never have a good night's sleep without being disturbed by my neighbour or feeling stressed. And also maybe because I live alone, I don't have anyone to talk to.

I'm sure this phase will end soon. I don't want to talk about it with my mom because I don't want to upset her. :) thanks Lydia...I appreciate it a lot. ^^