Sunday, July 29, 2007

Suddenly...

...I realise I'm too emotional, in a good way maybe. I'm not sure, you tell me.

Was just reading one of my brother's friends' blogs when suddenly my tears flowed down my cheeks as I read the last sentence.

http://wzlee.blogspot.com/2007/06/20-minutes.html

He was blogging about his going back to Penang, his hometown, which is also mine. ^.^ They way he described Penang made me realise that that's where I was born, that's where I was brought up...so what if people think Penang is ulu? Well, to certain extent, I do agree Penang is ulu, so what? It's my identity and 18 years of memories in Penang have been kept in the corners of my heart.

Just a few days ago, my brother sent me an MMS of mummy's pic...and suddenly I felt that she grew old alot...maybe it's the same I don't know, but she looked older to me. Having heard about the death of a friend's father made me appreciate what I have more...When my dad told me they went out for late supper and they had Penang's most famous Char Koay Teow, I couldn't help but to ask them to take care and not to eat too much of oily food.

I wanna go home...I wanna see my parents and brother waving at me at the airport, knowing that they're OK. But I know that when I go home during the summer holidays, my brother won't be there anymore...he'd be back in Moscow, doing his 4th year of medicine. I miss annoying him and laughing like a siao char bor (given by my brother).

I can still remember how my brother and I fought over EVERY SINGLE thing. We'd kick and punch each other like there's no tomorrow. He'd use his karate techniques, I'd just use whatever techniques I could think of...Mummy would always (well, not exactly always) scold him because he's the elder one and he doesn't know how to control his strength. I'd end up having a stomach ache due to the punches...but what the heck?! Hehe~ I miss those days...

We're the total opposites...Used to wonder if God had mistaken our identities XP (Note the word "USED TO") Wish I could post a picture of my brother and I when we were little but I lost my pictures when my computer was sent for repair and I didn't have time to scan our pictures into my laptop.

My aunts and cousins once told me that although my brother and I fought alot when we were young, he loved me alot...=') Once when I was around 3 years old, I did something (I forgot what) and my dad (or mum, can't remember) wanted to beat me with the cane but he protected me against it. Can you imagine that?! Awww...mushy feeling came over me. My brother?! Haha...my brother who doesn't even show that he cares did that for me! *giggles*

Well, not only me brother I guess. My family is a typical Chinese family where they do not tell each other they care but they care through actions. I think the only time I told them that I miss them was since I came here...and I did it through SMS XP Oh well, better late than never right?
I THINK my dad missed me the most...I said I THINK cause I'm not sure. My dad is worse than my mom. He misses my brother but he acts all cool and calm when my brother calls whereas my mom would rush to the phone to talk to him. At least they have my brother to keep them company for now...

My mom told me years ago that my dad had always wanted a daughter. My parents got married late so my mom was kinda "old" when she conceived my brother and my dad suggested that they try for a baby girl before it's too late. So, here I am! Born into this world...My mom gave birth to me when she was 41 so they were kind of worried if I would be normal and stuff. Hello world!!

So, from now on, I shall not condemn myself and should learn to forgive myself. That was why I felt so happy yesterday after OCF...=D Ah...starting to get lazy in typing...shall elaborate the next time IF I'm still in the mood to...

Hillsong - Royalty

God made me who I meant to be
He loves me just the way I am

God made me who I meant to be
His dreams for me is so amazing


For this simple reason
I am happy to be me


My God watches over me
I feel like royalty

XOXO,
Me

2 comments:

sze may said...

hey, u shud appreciate every thing at every times...

that's what i'm trying to do now, appreciate to the most...

but be strong eh, dun get over too emotional... =)

Lin said...

haha...yeah. =) *speechless*