Just ramblings

Warning: Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT proceed if you're prone to giving negative comments!














Hah, I know no one likes a whiny post but I'll whine all I want cause it's my blog anyway. Just need a place to express myself.

All I wanna do now is this:

I wanna cry and whine and complain and kick and scream! I don't know what's wrong with me these days. After recovering from this mysterious illness (No coughing, no sore throat, no mucous whatsoever, no fever, had diarrhea twice in 1 night, feel sleepy all the time and depressed) I have no appetite to eat anything at ALL! =( Everytime I crave for something, I don't feel motivated to go and satisfy my craving. Y? Because it's so damn freaking cold outside! So, I have to settle for something like instant noodles? OK, so instant noodles aren't that bad...in fact, sometimes I crave for them. BUT when I start eating my 1st mouthful, I feel like vomitting immediately! o.O At this point, I do sound like a pregnant woman eh? Nevermind that. So, I feel hungry and I eat...but I do NOT feel like I've eaten anything at all! My stomach feels empty and not only that, it feels like something's grinding my stomach and I feel like vomitting again! *SIGH*

Now tell me, won't you miss your mummy if you were in my shoes?! I know I do...I miss the times when I used to be sick back home. All I needed to do is lie in bed and sleep and sleep and dearest mummy'd take care of my meals, be it plain oats with cream crackers, porridge, milo with nestum or simply chicken soup. ='( I'm sure most of you have experienced that feeling of being taken care of. If you don't, then I'm not sure if I should feel sorry for you. ANYWAY, back to my ramblings. The thing is, you see, when you're sick, you feel like life's been sucked outta your body and you don't even feel like budging, what more cook?! So I had to survive on my breakfast bars and my instant 3-in-1 black sesame & oat drink for that 1 miserable day cause I didn't feel like moving! I tried going to the kitchen and cook but it was sooooo cold! I just felt like curling up under my blanket! Since I was able to get outta bed feeling less cold than before, I thought I've recovered completely but... ='( Today, I thought maybe I could be more "independent" and cook myself porridge. What do you know?! That stupid damn freaking rice! So hard to cook! Argh! It's brown rice and it's got husk as the outer layer and the last time I cooked porridge, I had to stand there and stir and add water and stir and add water for 1 whole freaking hour! So this time I started cooking at 5:30pm, thinking that maybe it'll cook before 7pm so that I can eat it as dinner but NO! The rice...as stubborn as a....as a...nevermind. It just won't cook! I started cooking at 5:30pm and ended up eating at 7 something! By the time I finished cooking, I had no more energy left!! *faints*

My housemate, Jennifer, says that I'm not ready to live independently yet. The thing is, how do you define "independent"?? It's kind of subjective don't you think?! I mean, I can but I choose to miss my mom. So does that mean I'm not independent? I sure am living "independently" because I'm doing everything on my own. Because I'm FORCED to, not because I'm ready or anything. How do you even know if you're ready or not? =S After catching up with M, a friend from the hostel I stayed in last year, I realised both M and I are quite similar. Both of us need human touch. We need to be able to talk to people. I think that's one of the reasons why I'm so depressed. I don't have anyone else to talk to except Jennifer. It's not that I don't like talking to her or anything but I don't wanna keep bothering her with my stuff. Believe it or not, I've only learnt how to bottle up my feelings since I came here. Never back home. I used to blurt everything to mom when random thoughts cross my mind. Or my brother...used to annoy the hell outta him.

P once said to me "being independent doesn't mean you have to be lonely". And I so agree on that! I mean, I used to think if you're able to be alone, entertain yourself, live life alone, do things alone, you're independent. It's so NOT! It's called depressing! =( And I also realised something else about myself. I love to be surrounded by people. People whom I can talk to. People whom I can laugh with. I don't enjoy walking down Rundle Mall alone, looking at people passing me by. I only enjoy it when I've been surrounded by people for too long. Hah, but I haven't been surrounded by people for months now! All I need is some human touch!! If it means going out and roaming the streets alone, I'd rather stay in my room all day and read or surf the net.

OK, I admit it. I miss the life in Hosanna. Not the place, but the people, the company! Those were the days when I could just walk outta my room and into any of my friend's room!! When I'm stressed, I could just look for them to relieve stress and it actually works! At least I never always stayed in my room...now I stay in my room most of the time...I think even the walls are laughing at me!

As I'm typing this, I just wish I could walk to the sink and vomit!!!! Hate the feeling of nausea. o.O I can just go on and on and on...enough. I'm starting to feel sleepy..

Me =(

I'm not alone.

Well, thank God I woke up today feeling myself again! Didn't feel as cold as 2 days ago. =) Was bored so I decided to blog hop. And I came across a kindergarten friend of mine! We kinda met each other again 2 years ago under a very funny (in a weird way) circumstance. I still have that kindergarten class photo sitting on the piano back home in Penang.

Anyway, I've learnt alot from her blog. About life, God and ourselves. I always thought that I was the only one struggling through university life. Reading her blog is freaky cause it's just like reading my life out of her blog. Last year, I used to blog about how I cannot be myself in Australia because I always feel out of place and it's not where I belong. Guess what?! She feels the same way too! "Probably because there is the familiarity of the environment and friends in Penang." is what she wrote. I feel exactly the same!

She also stated that it's not the place where she's studying in that is unpleasant to live in, but because of the stress that needs to be coped that is unbearable. Well, come to think of it, it's true. Adelaide is a nice place to live in, but because of the stress assignments and exams that are piled upon us make it feel like it's an unpleasant place to live in.

One of my weaknesses is that I'm unable to let go of the past and move on. I ponder on one thing too long and too often that sometimes I fail to live the present. Remember the post about Tuck Everlasting? Now I'm afraid of not living life to its fullest. So, hopefully, from now on I shall embrace every moment of my life and not think about the past.

Hope I'm making sense here. =) Anyway, got loads to do today.

XOXO,
Me

='(

Another emo post. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Fell sick yesterday evening...I guess I chose the wrong day to go to Glenelg beach. It was the day with the most rain and wind. See? My grammar structure is also weird. Don't even bother to think before typing.

Anyway, I hate being sick, especially during exam period and during the holidays! I thought I could enjoy my holidays now that exam's over, but no...had to stay home and rest because I feel cold all the time and it's freaking cold outside. =(

It's times like these I wish I was back home in Penang where mummy takes care of my meals. All I need to do is rest in bed. ='( Living independently is tough. I mean, I don't mind being independent but I miss being pampered and being cared for, you know? I guess I took my mom for granted. *sigh*

Not forgetting that daddy's a doctor and mom used to be a nurse, even if I get sick, I don't have to worry about a thing because I'll be in good hands. I know, I'm being emo...It's true what they say..You'll never miss the water till it's gone...something like that.

I'm starting to feel old. While watching Lizzie McGuire the movie, I felt like I was back in high school! Back to the times when my friends and I would talk about Hilary Duff in class and that was how I got to know my other friend, M.

Watching touching movies also makes me tear sooo easily. I wonder if something's wrong with my tear glands. How can?! I never used to cry...how can a freaking movie make me cry?! =S Wish I could eat porridge now...mummy!! T.T

Me

What would you do...

...if you could live forever?

I know it's my holidays and I shouldn't be getting myself into whirlwind of emotions since I should feel free, happy and worry-less.

Somehow, I stumbled upon the movie Tuck Everlasting at the state library while looking for something to occupy my time during the holidays. And cause I've seen it aired on Disney Channel but never gotten myself to sit down and enjoy the movie, I decided to have it a watch since it's a Disney production and I'm sure Disney movies wouldn't be a disappointment.

And yes, it was not a disappointment at ALL! It was good! I've never cried like that since I was a baby! Not exaggerating...I just cried and cried and sniff and sobbed like nobody's business (thank God my housemate, Jennifer, was out...LOL I'm sure she would've heard me sobbing). Really, it really got me thinking: Would I ever want to live forever?

At times, I thought how scary it is, to grow older and older each year, and every year, everything changes for better or for worse, whether you like it or not. Sometimes I think to myself, how nice it would be to be young and free forever...don't have to grow up, be a responsible adult, carrying all the burdens in the world on our shoulders.

*sigh* But at the same time, I feel excited for the future, I wanna know what it would be like working, maybe getting married, having kids, grandchildren...you know? And when you've fulfilled your dreams, I bet it'd feel great, looking back at pieces of memories of your life, knowing that you've lived life to the fullest. But what if we don't? What if we look back at our lives and regret the things we did or did not do or dreams that weren't fulfilled? It'd be so shitty, wouldn't it?

I'm not sure if I should tell the story of Tuck Everlasting here...maybe you guys can go read the book or watch the movie. The movie's based on an award-winning novel BUT you know how movies are, always somehow a little different from the book. Since I said the movie was great and made me cry like never before, I can assure you that the movies great! =)

It says on the DVD cover: If you could choose to live forever, would you?

And the most favourite quote from the movie is - You do not have to be afraid of death, but be afraid of not living.=')

The ending was ermmm...sad but good. I don't know how to explain..LOL I mean, good for her I guess but bad for him. OK, I'm babbling, a sign that says I should stop now. XP I'll probably tell the story another day...make sure whoever's reading this go and either read the book or watch the movie OK?! Oh! Before I forget *hehe* the male lead character!! He's sooo darn cute! Well I loved the female lead character too, she's Alexis Bledel who stars in Gilmore Girls.

Here are some production pictures from the movie =')

The DVD cover

Alexis Bledel as Winnie Foster & Jonathan Jackson as Jesse Tuck in Tuck Everlasting

XOXO,
Me

=')

Noticed the tear and the smile?

Sometimes it's so unbelievable that good, altruistic people still exist in our midst! Seriously, people nowadays are self-centered and selfish!

Reading this actually kinda blew me away!

XOXO,
Me

Breakfast!!

After planning to go out for breakfast for ages, Jenn and I finally went out for breakfast today despite our sleeping late the night before. Because we couldn't decide where to have our breakfast, we stopped in front of a restaurant (cum cafe) to check out their menu. We wanted to try something that we couldn't make ourselves so we just walked in and settled down for an Eggs Benedict and a Florentine. We shared half of each. By the time we finished our breakfast, we were sick of eggs. You'll see why. While waiting, we decided to take pictures to capture the moment of having breakfast out during exam period. =P The restaurant had red walls with blue pillars and paintings on the wall. It was a cosy place to have breakfast in the midst of winter (I think).

The restaurant along Rundle Street

Painting on the wall

Another painting on the wall

Us before Jenn's hot chocolate arrived

Jenn's hot chocolate with a marshmallow

Us with our breakfast!
(The only decent picture out of 4 or 5 pics the waitress took =.=)

Eggs benedict
(Pouched eggs covered in a thick sauce on foccacia bread with ham & spinach)

Florentine
(Toast with scrambled eggs, spinach, mushrooms and a tomato)

Combination of both =)

And we finished them off! o.O

That was the biggest breakfast Jenn and I ever had!! Ahhhh...Now back to studying! =(

XOXO,
Me

It's times like these...

...that we need to turn to Him more!
Been studying non-stop (with occasional breaks in between) & now when I step into my room and see my desk, I feel like throwing up...
I'm sick of books already...
When will this all end?!

Went to church today, and during Praise & Worship session, I nearly cried while singing this song.
I've been striving so hard to do well in my exams that sometimes I forget His faithfulness to me, leaving Him out of my life & letting Him in during good times!
So, now, I just need to do my best and leave the rest to Him!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After lunch, I got a phone call from a friend whom I had a same class with last year. She asked me tips on exams as she's taking a subject that I took last year. After catching up a little, she asked me if I've seen Emma (another girl in our class) around. Apparently, last year she had cancer...was juz initial stage and she tried calling her last few months but no one picked up. I was quite taken aback actually...never thought that someone you have contact with would have cancer. It's quite unbelievable if you ask me. Made me think of Karen Cheng, whom her husband had cancer and survived it and now living a very fulfilling life with her and kids!! Really makes you think twice on how you wanna spend your lifetime eh?

So, here's the song I wanna share with all my readers! Enjoy! ;)


XOXO,
Me

A Dating Guide for Women: "Man Talk" Translation

Was having one of those study breaks and I came across this article on Yahoo!

I found it rather interesting so I copied and pasted it here. =)

Sometimes it's not what men say, but it's their actions that are significant. It is necessary for women to learn to interpret men's roundabout way of communicating with them.

Here are 10 things that men say and do, and what they really mean:

1. He starts talking about how crazy all his single friends lives are, and then he tells you that he doesn't miss it at all. What most women will think if they hear this, is that he misses those days. This is not true. He says this because he is looking for confirmation that you feel exactly the same way. He also wants to communicate that he's ready to take the relationship to the next level.

2. Since you recently took him to your family's house for dinner, he can't stop talking about how much fun he had with your brother. What he means here is that he really likes your family, and wouldn't mind being a part of your family.

3. He teases you about things like how clumsy you are or about how you put smiley faces in every one of your emails. What he's really telling you when he does this is that he really likes you a lot. Remember that men are just giant boys... we tease the ones we love and ignore the ones we don't.

4. A man tells you he needs his space. So what does this mean to you? It means that you need to ignore him and not call him. Men love the chase. By not calling him, he'll start calling you and wondering what happened.

5. A man says that he really wants you to meet his parents. What does this mean in man talk? He's telling you that you are his girlfriend, and that he is ready to take it to the next level by getting you involved with his family. This brings us right to the next bit of man talk.

6. When a man calls you and says, "I want you to meet my friends on Friday night," this is as big as meeting his parents. He's introducing you to his pack. It means that he thinks you are attractive and sexy, and he wants to show you off to his friends.

7. After sleeping over at his house several times, he tells you that the next time you sleep over you should bring some things to make you feel more comfortable and a change of clothing. In man talk, that is basically telling you that he's wondering what it would be like to live with you. He also wants your things around.

8. You have plans with him on a Sunday, and you find out that he passed up floor seats to his favorite basketball team to keep those plans with you. What does that tell you in man talk? It tells you that he's hooked... and that you are his girlfriend.

9. He is watching one of your favorite shows on a night you're not together, and he calls you afterwards to talk about it. In man talk, what does this mean? By doing this, he's telling you that he pays attention to you, and he's interested in learning more about you and sharing more things with you. Men generally do not choose to watch "Project Runway" on their own. If we're watching your TV shows, we really like you.

10. He tells you, "I've cleaned today." What this means in man talk is, "I spent the day doing something I dislike more than anything." You need to realize that when a man says this to you, he really likes you. To most men, cleaning the house is just about the worst way he can spend a day.

p/s: what do u think? rather interesting and true huh? But I'm not too sure about the words I coloured in white though =S

XOXO,
Me

Beautiful Girls

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE this version of Beautiful Girls by Jojo!!

My dream interpretation

Saw a quiz on Yahoo!7, so I took in since I've been having weird dreams since this year...the following is my dream interpretation. Please do not judge me. LOL
You may struggle to understand your dreams or are closed to the idea that dreams can be helpful. You may be experiencing a stressful period in your life or have some deeper concerns, which may need to be acknowledged. You may be very organised, perhaps mathematical and think in words rather than pictures. You may find that keeping a dream diary will help you spot any patterns in your dreaming and any messages being offered to you. You may have some issues surrounding power or control, perhaps over your boss or closer to home. You may have a sexual desire which you'd like fulfilled.

p/s: don't think i'll ever stop blogging...ROTFL

XOXO,
Me

Stressed

OK folks, this will be my LAST post before my exam. I have no time to lose/waste!! But somehow I find blogging quite relaxing...who knows, I might blog again to relieve stress =P For the meantime, this looks like the stuff I need to study in less than 2 weeks!

Knowledge packaged in strings of sentences compiled in books

Sometimes I feel so frustrated...

that I feel like killing myself by swallowing pieces of lego...

Sometimes I just feel like going to sleep and never wake up to this stress...

I'm so busy studying that I don't even have time for my beauty regime =(

But I know it'd be all worthwhile when the moment comes...

...And I'll be working as a psychologist, my lifelong dream since I was 14 =)

Counselling people with psychological problems...

...and not forgetting God's plan for me! Wheee...how exciting! I wonder what it is!

p/s: wish me all the best!! i MUST fulfill my dream..i MUST!

XOXO,
Me

Finally....

...I've finished reading Shopaholic Ties the Knot!

Well, I wanted to finish it so that I could return it to the library and concentrate on my revision.
Her books are all so entertaining...

The ending of this book was simply romantic!
Not just the ending actually, the way Luke proposed to Becky was romantic too but...

OK, I'll just shut up and show u the ending...
I'm melting to the ground!!

"Becky Bloomwood, I love you."

"I'm Becky Brandon now, remember?"

"There's only one Becky Bloomwood. Never stop being her. Whatever you do. Never stop being Becky Bloomwood."

Tell me, isn't that the most romantic thing a guy could say to his wife?!

XOXO,
Me

Taking a break from studying

Came across this song while taking a break from studying.
Enjoy! ;)

Mariah Carey - Bye Bye
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

Whatever

I think I haven't blogged about this before...

I totally hate it when a person says "whatever" to me when I'm trying to make a point.

And I really mean it, I HATE it!

Wait, I DESPISE it!

It annoys me to the max and I never say "whatever" to someone unless I'm pissed.

So, you know what I'm feeling when I actually use the word "whatever" unless I say it in a bimbotic way.

When someone says that word to me, it makes me feel like what I'm trying to say doesn't mean a thing!

Like, they're just trying to brush you off.

And I totally HATE it!!

But it's weird, isn't it?

If I show my anger, people might just think "that's just a minor problem, why is she making a big deal out of it?"

But if I do not show how pissed I am, people around me will just continue saying that word!!

Screw it! Next time if I'm quiet and do not talk to you, you should know why.

Blood and scars,
Me

Happy/Unhappy feet?

Girlie Day

Where do I start? I'll make this post as brief and less boring as possible! XP Oh, and this will be my last post before my exam...gotta study full-time from tomorrow onwards! =) This is one of my rare posts with pictures in it, so do appreciate by showing me some love. XD

Because Jennifer, Jen and I haven't gone out together for ages since the night before my birthday, we decided to go out for lunch today at this new Malaysian Mamak Restaurant. So off we went, with high hopes and expectations since we miss mamak food so much!! Jennifer ordered a murtabak, Jen a roti telur and roti canai, and I a plate of nasi lemak and murtabak. Well, to cut it short, all our hopes and expectations shattered into millions of pieces! From the moment the food was served to the moment we walked out of the restaurant, we had already made 1001 comments/complains! The food was OK, acceptable...but it just wasn't worth our money. I'll just highlight the main points: curry was too diluted, no spicy fragrance whatsoever, just tasted spicy, that's all; murtabak has no "liao", only some pieces of potatoes instead of onions in it...the supposedly pickled onions that were served weren't fresh (probably from some supermarket pickled onions cause they weren't "crunchy"; the nasi lemak had only a tablespoon-full of ikan bilis (major disappointment) with less than a quarter of hard-boiled egg and a few pathetic slices of cucumber at the side.

Nasi lemak shared by Jennifer and I with the murtabak at the side

After lunch, we headed to Chocolate Bean! As the name suggests, it's a chocolate dessert place. Everything there just looks so appetising and yummy! Jennifer got a Toblerone, Jen a glass of hot mint chocolate and I got a Chocolate Vanilla Martini. The Toblerone tasted different from the one I drank at some pub called Fumo Blu during my friend's 21st birthday party. The one at Choc Bean doesn't have the honey and alcohol taste whereas the one in Fumo Blu, you could taste the chocolate, honey and alcohol. My Choc Vanilla Martini was whoa! @.@ The alcohol taste totally covered the chocolate and vanilla taste. I had to sip bit by bit cause the alcohol was kinda strong. We sat there having a super girlie talk over our drinks for hours!!! We reached there at around 2pm and left the place at 6pm! LOL We just talked and talked about stuff regarding guys, life, marriage, weddings, college days, ex-bfs, the future, pregnancy, birth-giving, health etc. Now you know how we could sit there for so long! XP

Having a girlie chat over our drinks

Since we left the place at 6pm and Jen was feeling a little hungry, we walked home to take a "rest" and to empty our bladders while Jennifer prepared to meet her friends for one of her friends' birthday dinner. I was so hungry by the time Jen and I reached Cafe Primo! I was starving (literally!). Jen ordered Garlic Prawns and a plate of wedges with sour cream and chilli for us to share whereas I ordered a Chicken Focaccia.

Chicken Foccacia

Garlic Prawns

Wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli

It's my "ritual" to take a picture with the food before eating XP
(Was kinda disappointed with this pic though cause the person who took this left out the wedges
AND left so much space at the top =( )

Love playing around with photoshop!
(Was feeling quite stuffed by the time I finished my last bite of foccacia,
so I decided to do silly things while waiting for my food to be digested...LOL)

Ahhh...As I'm typing this, I just wished I hadn't eaten like a true Asian (was trying to finish every single thing on my plate to make every cent I paid worth =.= Dumb, I know...we didn't even get our complimentary pancakes because we were too full! I was so full I could hardly walk! =S Anyway, I really had a fun day with the girls...We should do this more often! I love having meals/drinks while catching up with girl friends. Nothing beats that! ;)

So, till after my exams in July! =)

p/s: By the time I was done typing this post, it was already after 12 am. So the "today" mentioned in the post was actually 7th of June. =P

XOXO,
Me

Speechless once again...

Well, I've heard about the deeds people in Saudi Arabia do since I was in high school and I naively thought that all of those things will be history in no time. But yet again, I'm left speechless as to why such things exist in this world.

Read this, this, this and this.

Have a great week ahead everyone!

XOXO,
Me

Message in a Bottle Tag

I got tagged by Joyce to create my own message in a bottle. So here's mine! Well, haven't written poetry for ages and I enjoyed doing this tag as I got to play around with photoshop too!! =)



Hehe...Now, here's the part most of the people dread. I tag Jennifer, Pras, Yin Fei, Sze May, Maree, Yee Huey, Daniel, Liz, Shao Thing, Ghee Leng, Xin-Ci, Shaun and Genieve! XD

You are about to send a virtual Message In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean. Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Anonymous or not.

It's really simple.

All you need to do is to follow the rules as below :

1. Compose a message to place in your virtual bottle

2. Right click and Save the graphic below

3. Use a graphics program of your choice to place the message on the picture

4. Post the meme and these rules on your blog

5. Send your "Message In a Bottle" via email to mimiwrites2005@yahoo.com

6. Tag a minimum of five people - or your entire blogroll - to do the same

To find out more about this Message in a Bottle tag, click here.

ENJOY!! ;)

p/s: Stay tuned for updates! I have LOADS to blog about but still don't know how to organize my train of thoughts =)

XOXO,
Me

My Best Friend's Wedding

Well, due to Pras' influence, I finally borrowed My Best Friend's Wedding DVD from the State Library and watched it. I'm having mixed feelings right now...

It's a very old movie and I remember watching it with my parents...but somehow, I got the plot wrong..LOL So, now I finally know what the movie is ACTUALLY about! XD

Anyway, yeah...It says "Julianne fell in love with her best friend the day he decided to marry someone else!" What do you think of that? Remember my previous post, about being jinxed with guy friends? Hah! After watching that movie, I'm convinced that I'll actually end up like that. Cause you see, I used to believe that the opposite sex can be best friends and not fall for each other but now I don't! Cause you see, in my opinion, girls are always at the "losing end" (Joo 2008). We tend to fall for our best (guy) friend first and if we do, it's so hard to win a guy's heart. If a guy falls for his best (girl) friend, it's easier to win her heart. I don't know, that's what I think...

All in all, I only have 1 thought right now...that is I don't think I can ever get married. LOL The reason is simple. I wanna get married to my best friend. But, best friends don't always end up with each other...and who knows? Maybe one day my best friend will get married and I would have to be his maid of honour and tell him goodbye. ='( Period.

XOXO,
Me

Something's terribly wrong...

...with me, I think.

Everytime I listen to songs, I think of the people + events that go with it.

Eg.: My neighbour used to lend me a Wang Lee Hom CD and so everytime I listen to the songs from that CD, I think of him.

Eg. 2: When I was still into A, I used to listen to this particular song, now when I listen to it, A will still come into my mind and remind me of the past.

=S

XOXO,
Me

My visual personality

Came across this visual personality thing on my friend's blog...and I gave it a go myself. It's quite accurate I must say!!

Click here to see my visual personality =)

Go check it out and get yours! ;)

Gonna type a proper post after I've submitted my assignments!! Stay tune!

XOXO,
Me

Dear John

The title of this post is the title of the book I just finished reading. Yes, I was considering whether to finish reading it or not but I finally did. *sigh* It's always like this. Whenever I feel down/depressed, it has to rain...

I read it on the bus, this time not caring whether anyone's looking...cause I just cried like nobody's business!!!! The book simply left me with a hole in my heart, a heartache. ='(( I think I'm starting to love Nicholas Spark's books. His 2 books - A walk to remember and The notebook - were made into blockbuster movies and I loved them!! Although I enjoyed the books more than the movies cause the books made me cry like a baby whereas the movies did not totally portray the stories in the books. Now I'm hoping that Dear John will be made into a movie cause I know I'll cry my heart out.

I used to be completely naive about love. I thought things too simply. I used to think that as long as 2 people are in love, nothing matters and that they'll eventually be together...boy, I was wrong!! Now I have a totally different perspective of love! How do you define love? It's so subjective I don't even know where to start! Reading Dear John really makes me dwell in John's (the main male character) feelings. Everything he felt, everything that he went through etc. And I CANNOT imagine if I was in his shoes, losing the girl he loves to the girl's childhood friend, and seeing her with her wedding ring....Why?!?! When I read this:

When she released my hand, I saw her wedding band glinting on her left finger. The sight of it doused me with a cold splash of reality.
She recognised my expression. "Yes," she said, "I'm married."

I felt like stabbing myself!!!! =S I can literally feel his heart breaking.

The girl's (Savannah) husband, Tim, had this disease and the doctors weren't sure if he could make it. During John's visit to the hospital, this is what Tim said to him:

"You still love her, don't you? It's OK, I already know. I've always known. I can still remember Savannah's face the first time she talked about you. I'd never seen her like that. I was happy for her because there was something about you that I trusted right away. That whole first year you were gone, she missed you so much. It was like her heart was breaking a little bit every single day. You were all she could think about. And then she found out you weren't coming home and we ended up in Lenoir and my parents died and...You always knew I was in love with her too, didn't you?"

I nodded.

"I thought so. I've loved her since I was 12 years old. And gradually, she fell in love with me, too."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it wasn't the same. I know she loves me, but she's never loved me the way she loved you. She never had that burning passion for me, but we were making a good life together. Then I got sick, but she's always here, caring for me the same way I'd care for her if it was happening to her. Yesterday, when you came in, I saw the way she was looking at you, and I knew that she still loved you. More than that, I know she always will. It breaks my heart, but you know what? I'm still in love with her, and to me that means that I want nothing more than for her to be happy in life. I want that more than anything. It's all I've ever wanted for her."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying don't forget Savannah if anything happens to me. And promise that you'll always treasure her the same way I do."

"Tim..."

"Don't say anything, John. Just remember what I say, okay?"
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Outside the hospital, when John bumped into Savannah. The part which made me tear like crazy!!

"Were you going to come say good-bye?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead."

"What did you and Tim talk about?"

"You should probably ask him that question."

"So this is good-bye?"

"Yes, I think it is."

"Can I write to you?"

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"I don't understand."

"Yes, you do. You're married to Tim, not me. He's a good man, Savannah. A better man than me, that's for sure, and I'm glad you married him. As much as I love you, I'm not willing to break up a marriage for it. And deep down, I don't think you are, either. Even if you love me, you love him, too. It took me a little while to realise that, but I'm sure of it."

"Will we ever see each other again?"

"I don't know but I'm hoping we don't."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it means that Tim's going to be okay. And I have a feeling that it's all going to turn out the way it should."

"You can't say that! You can't promise that!"

"No, I can't."

"Then why does it have to end now? Like this?"

A tear spilled down her face, and despite the fact that I knew I should simply walk away, I took a step forward to her. When I was close, I gently wiped it away. In her eyes I could see fear and sadness, anger and betrayal. But most of all, I saw them pleading with me to change my mind.

"You're married to Tim, and your husband needs you. All of you. There's no room for me, and we both know there shouldn't be."

As more tears started flowing down her face, I felt my own eyes fill up. I leaned in and kissed Savannah gently on the lips, then took her in my arms and held her tight.

"I love you, Savannah, and I always will. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were my best friend and my lover, and I don't regret a single moment of it. You made me feel alive again, and most of all, you gave me my father. I'll never forget that. You're always going to be the very best part of me. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to leave, and you have to see your husband."

As I spoke, I could feel her shaking with sobs, and I continued to hold her for a long time afterward. When we finally separated, I knew that it would be the last time I ever held her. I backed away, my eyes holding Savannah's.

"I love you too, John.

"Good-bye."

And with that, she wiped her face and began walking toward the hospital.
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Love is just too complicated!! Both of them still love each other but...somehow she also loves her husband...I know her love for both of them is different...OMG...I'm going round n round in circles! I can't get my thoughts straight. Before I end this pointless post, take a read:

I finally understood what true love really meant. Tim had told me - and shown me - that love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.

I lead my life feeling that something is missing that I somehow need to make my life complete. I know that my feeling about Savannah will never change, and I know I will always wonder about the choice I made. And sometimes, despite myself, I wonder if Savannah feels the same way.
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I end up typing such a long post...but I just have to share this story with the whole world!! =') I wonder if I would make the same choice as John did...*sigh*

XOXO,
Me

I think I'm jinxed...

...with buses and guys. Now, before you think, "oh, this is another guy problem", no it's not like that.

First, I'll talk about buses. *sigh* Some days when I don't miss the bus and actually reach uni on time, I feel like the heavenly lights is shining down on me; when I miss the bus AND reach uni late, I feel like there's a dark cloud hovering above me, showering its rain down on me. =( It happens everytime!! Everytime I reach the bus stop 5 mins early (and the time is for the 3 bus stops before the bus stop I wait at), I'll either have the bus just coming OR I can wait there for ages and no buses will be in sight! ARGH! This is so frustrating! =S Just today, I reached the bus stop early and I waited and waited and waited, so I thought, "oh well, missed the bus, will just have to wait for the next one which comes in 15 mins' time". After 15 mins, 2 buses that drive along the same route came!! 2!! At the same time! What the...?! Nevermind that, I just got on the bus whichever stopped first and boy I made a BIG mistake! The bus driver drove like a graduate of Driving School from Hell! He drove soooo fast I couldn't even sit properly as my bum kept springing up from my seat due to the swaying of the bus! *sweat* =.=

OK, now to the guy thing. Was listening to this song called "Arms of Mary" and memories flashed back to me. This song was sent to me by a friend I knew in college, M. We were so close, we chatted online, talked about things we wouldn't talk about with others, exchanged songs, asked each other advices on certain stuff etc. He liked this girl, M2, in college and everyone knew it. *fast forward* After he got together with M2, we drifted apart. It was like everything that evolved in this world was her. And I remember him saying to me one day in college, "what if she thinks that there's something between u and me? And there goes my chance of being with her."
I wonder if the reason we drifted apart was what he said to me, or was it simply because he spent most of his time with her. Don't get me wrong though, I never liked him more than a friend. =) Anyway, I wonder how they are now. He hasn't been coming online for more than a year now! Totally lost contact with him...Oh, and why am I jinxed? Cause the 3 guys who used to be my best guy friends, eventually found their significant other and "ditched" me. Wow...*sarcastic tone*

Oh well, life's like that...Just a random thought while listening to that song.

XOXO,
Me

Teardrops on my guitar

Since Maree and I are so crazy over this song, I might as well post the video here...Watching the video is even sadder ='(

Distance...

After reading my housemate's blog about this guy being a total angel by working in order to get his gf an air ticket so that she could fly here, to Adelaide, to see him, it kinda tugged at my heart. LOL
I know I should be working on this essay of mine, but my mind keeps wandering...

Just realised today's 11th of May. It's also the day I should return the book I borrowed from the State Library. But I haven't finished reading it...I'm not sure if I WANT to finish reading it. It's written by Nicholas Sparks, the author of A Walk to Remember and The Notebook, both really touching romantic movies.=')

So I turned to the last chapter to read...and after a few lines, I feel like crying already! Now you understand why I'm not sure I want to finish reading it. Last Wednesday, when I was reading this book on the bus on the way to uni, tears filled up my eyes. Trying to blink the tears away, I looked up to let the sunshine dry them. But it was super embarrassing!!! Cause a guy saw me "crying" and he wouldn't stop staring...my gosh! So I buried my head in my bag...Lesson learnt: Never read touching books on the bus!!

I love getting myself lost in books (not textbooks, thank you very much). Everytime I read, I feel like I'm in a world of my own. No worries, no frustrations, nobody else but me. However, I hate the feeling when I have to draw myself away from the book, because it just feels like I've just landed back on Earth, and everything else negative that goes with it rushes back to me, making me grasping for air. *sigh* I'm sure Maree understands this feeling...LOL ;) or maybe not.

Why is it sometimes in life, even though 2 people love each other so deeply, they just can't be together?! Why!? I can never understand that...it breaks my heart (literally) everytime I read them in books/watch them in movies. I can actually FEEL the pain. If it means losing the one I love, I'd rather never have them in the first place. People might say "it's better than to have loved before than to never loved at all". I totally disagree to that!!

*sigh* Ok ok...enough of this sadness, I'll tell you something interesting that has happened to me for the past week! Last Monday was my 20th birthday! And I think it was rather memorable! =D Well, I was dreading the arrival of my birthday because 1) I didn't have a plan on how to celebrate 2) Even if I had a plan, I wouldn't be able to celebrate with EVERYONE who means something to me 3) my birthday fell on a weekday, which meant most of the people would be quite busy with their work/simply don't feel like going out on a weekday.

Since most of the people wouldn't wanna go out on a Monday, I decided to "celebrate" it with my housemate on Sunday night by going out for dessert and a drink. After deciding where to go for dessert and a drink, I asked another friend, J, who lives in the suburb to come along as well. My housemate even put make-up on me! LOL it's the 2nd time I have make up on after prom. At first everything went OK, we went to the dessert place as planned. Was kind of disappointed with the dessert though cause it wasn't satisfactory. Anyway, after finishing our dessert, we headed to Chocolate Bean, to realise that it was CLOSED!! =S Bummer! So the 3 of us ended up walking up and down Rundle Street, hoping to find a place that serves cocktails (the reason we wanted to go to Choc Bean was to try out a cocktail called Toblerone). In the end we settled down at CIBO for a drink instead. I felt so bad towards J cause she took the bus all the way to the city just to walk up and down Rundle Street =S

When I woke up Monday morning to go to my Human Nutrition prac which required us to fast (we were gonna do a Glycaemic Index prac), I felt crap, thinking "here it goes...birthday = no birthday..." I was prepared to not have anything special on that day to avoid disappointment.

*fast forward*

Came back from class in the afternoon, was on my computer, deleting applications on my facebook page when my house mate came into my room asking me what I was doing. So I just simply replied "cleaning my facebook page" and she was gone, back to her room. After a split second, she waltzed into my room with a cake in hand whilst exclaiming in a very high-pitched voice, "Happy Birthday!!!" LOL I suddenly felt awake! Awwww~ How sweet of her!! I guess she knew how "miserable" I was XD She took a picture of me blowing "invisible candles" on the cake. We decided to save the cake for dessert at night.

Our initial plan was to go to Chocolate Bean that night because we didn't make it the night before but when I called Choc Bean up, the woman on the other line told me that they closed at 6pm =( So we thought maybe we can just go another day. That night, I was doing some readings when my friends, E and L, called to say they've reached my place. I went down to open the door for them. They said they wanted to come up to my apartment so I thought y not?

*fast forward*

My bible study leaders planned a surprise birthday mini party for me! How thoughtful of them...and a friend from OCF baked a cake for me with marshmallows lined up on the cake to make out my age! Awwww~ Was kinda touched. That was my 1st ever birthday surprise =) So, my birthday was memorable after all. Oh, and I had 2 leftover cakes to be eaten for breakfast the whole week! Hahaha...

XOXO,
Me

what should i say...

...when I see him online?

He's still as friendly as ever...as nice as ever...

However, I just don't know what to say...

I don't wanna come across to him as a 12-year-old he got to know...

I wanna "sound" different...more mature maybe? =S

Never knew this was gonna be so hard...=(

XOXO,
Me

Confused

I've been very distracted lately...by what I'm not quite sure myself.
Remember my new year resolution for 2008 - not have any crushes this year?
I THINK I'm gonna break it...not too sure YET.
Don't ask me who that is...I'll tell when I'm sure XP

*sigh* kinda sick of assignments...feel like puking (literally) everytime I sit down and read articles. =(

XOXO,
Me

Miscellaneous stuff

Hello world!! =)

I'm baaaaack from my outback adventure. Well, I was back last fri afternoon but only gotten myself to blog now. Anyway, my outback adventure was totally awesome!!!! Did not regret going one bit though we had to walk and walk and walk under the scorching sun. The breathtaking (William 2008) [hehehehe~] sceneries were just worth it! =) And I never knew I would enjoy the outback this much. Always thought I'd only visit big cities with tall tall buildings. LOL

Anyway, just in case you guys were wondering where all the pictures are, I've posted some of them on my Windows Live Space at http://troublemaker0505.spaces.live.com I took 600+ pictures altogether and I posted up 96. =) Go check them out!

updated: juz realised that some albums are not allowed for public view so i suggest you guys access my space through msn =)

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Reality kicks in after Jennifer's cousin and cousin's room mate went back to Canberra! I have research to do for my Research Methods =S I'm starting to panic again!! Having a discussion about the research report on Monday with my lecturer, I hope that the discussion will be satisfactory as marks will be allocated for part of the whole assessment!
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Been having weird dreams again lately. *sigh* I wonder what those dreams mean! Since this year, I've been having dreams about murders =S yes, you heard me right, murders! It's so weird cause though I love gory movies I never had gory dreams...
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I realise cooking helps me forget my stress! I always look forward to cooking when I'm stressed!!
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After what seemed like ages...I finally see A online!! I don't know...seeing him online again brings back memories from primary and secondary school...those were the days when I see him online and my heart skips a beat out of time, those were the days when I'd bump into him at PSC etc. Although I've moved on, the songs that I listen to when I was "emotionally attached" to him still stir certain emotions in me.
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Just found out lately that everyone is connected to everyone and how small this world is! Brrr....
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Was talking to Jennifer about certain people and those people happen to message me online. Scarrryyy....LOL Talk about coincidence!
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Finally over P =) Woohoo!!

p/s: I think from now on I'll blog like this when I'm lazy XP

XOXO,
Me

Back in action!!!!

Hello world!!

i know, i haven't been updating my blog lately.
been really really stressed, busy and tired for the past few weeks.
i've got loads to update though...

for now, i'll just update about yesterday.
after my mid-sem trial exam yesterday afternoon, i walked out of the lecture room and onto the streets, feeling so free!!
i wasn't feeling free because my exam was over, i was feeling free because i realised that now i'm in control of what and how i feel.
last year since i knew P in march, every little thing P did influenced how i felt...my emotions were like riding on a roller-coaster.
this year, it's different.
my feelings do not depend on P anymore...i'm free to feel anything i feel like feeling! XD
seeing him again last night also make me proud enough to say i'm 100% over him!
he's just another human being on this earth, once was my friend, now not anymore.
that's it! it's as easy as that! ;)
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on a brighter note...i'm going to ayers rock and alice springs in a day's time!!!
going with my housemate, jennifer, her cousin and her cousin's friend...LOL
hopefully i'll be enjoying my time there fully!!
kinda excited to come in contact with nature...i feel so deprived of nature in my life...
but i haven't finished my assignment...
updating my blog while waiting for my food to digest a little XP
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oh...and there's 1 thing that's been bothering me...
there's this girl from my Human Nutrition class...
she asked me to send her my assignment cause she wanted to see how to do it...
but i refused to because she hadn't even started yet! there's a high probability that she's gonna copy even though i'm not 100% sure.
i felt bad not sending my assignment to her so i offered some help...
and guess what?!
she asked me questions that are already answered on the discussion board AND the slides that our lecturer gave us.
*sigh* so i simply told her that she can go check the discussion board n slides...
but no, i think she already asked me to send my assignment to her 3 times!
dunno if i should send it to her...
the thing is, before i started this assignment i felt clueless but after asking questions on the discussion board and reading the slides my lecturer gave us, i understood the assignment more...
so in my opinion, she should do the same instead of simply asking for other people's assignment =S
m i doing the right thing?
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oh yeah!!
i love cooking!!!!
hehehehe~ i just simply love trying out new recipes!
if only i had a fully equipped kitchen...*dreams*
if i see cooking as a chore, i'd probably hate it...
but cooking really fun!!
gonna plan a cookout with my college friends when i get my ass back in summer!! XD
let's cook and bake and eat! can't wait...
it's not even half of the year and i'm thinking about summer already, ish!
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woke up this morning feeling a little down...
dunno y...
could it be everyone's at camp while i'm at home rushing my assignment?
i miss my friends already...=S
i'm weird...
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i have a love-hate feeling towards avocados.
they are known as the most nutritious fruit by the Guinness World of Records...
so i decided to try them out since it they were on promotion too! (usually it costs $4.98 for EACH avocado but i got 4 for $2.88)
when i cut open the first avocado, discovered that it wasn't ripe yet...didn't know what to do with it...it was hard rock, so i threw it away...*sigh* wasted 1...
after asking my friend how to see if it's ripe, she told me that it's ripe when it's soft...
so having left my avocados on the table a few days, they got too soft and i panicked!
had them with tuna, cheese and ham...hmmm!!
basically, with tuna, the avocado is tasteless...but when eaten alone, i felt like puking!!!!
not too sure if i'll ever gonna buy avocados again XP
but it's the most nutritious fruit! and i'm sorta a health freak...
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so proud of myself!!!!
been controlling my finances well...
not buying n spending unnecessarily like buying junk food, eating out too often etc.
since i came back, i've only bought chips ONCE and i took A WEEK to finish that packet.
so happy with myself!! =D
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been waking up naturally around 8am every day due to the sunlight shining through my window
not too sure if it's a good thing...
the good thing is i've been trying to sleep before 12 every day...so far i slept after 12 once or twice n that's it!
i feel so healthy...trying to not have naps but lately i feel so tired in the afternoon that results in napping a little =(
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omg...this was meant to be a short post and i ended up typing so much!
hahaha~
ok, time to get back to my assignment!!

p/s: Pras, i'd rather u update ur blog like this...at least i know what those random words mean...LOL

p/p/s: before u leave, go check out this disturbing news...so unbelievable!o.O

XOXO,
Me

Untitled

Every single thing - songs, people on the streets, the colour of the sky, pics of family and friends - u name it, makes me wanna cry.

Even chatting with a friend makes me cry.

First time ever in my life, I wanna cry n cry n cry n cry n cry until the tears in me run dry.
I wanna cry till the sun rises on the horizon the next day.
I wanna cry till every emotion is numbed.
I wanna cry till I never cry ever again in my lifetime.
I wanna cry till my eyes go blind.

I just wanna cry...
I just need a shoulder to lean on n cry,
or to cry in a friend/family member's embrace.

YF, sorry if I scared u...thanks for listening to me, really appreciate it but my tears are flowing again. Damn!! I'll try to be strong...really need to. =)

XOXO,
Me

为什么...

...我从来就不会为别人着想？我总是顾着自己的利益行事。
刚刚读过我小学好朋友的blog, 目前在考虑要到哪里念书。
当我看他开心的文字，感觉到他跟家人团聚的幸福！
他提到想到纽西兰念书，但是一年里就花上好大一笔钱，又不想爸妈为钱的事而操心。
读着，读着，眼泪又不听使唤的像瀑布般流下...

为什么，我就没有为我爸妈想过？
因为自己的野心想到外国读书，就没有考虑过他们是否担当得起这个负担。
毕竟，他们的年纪也大了，是时候让他们享福。
之前又想过找份兼职工作，但开学了，觉得如果做工的话，就没时间做功课，所以也没有找了。
有好几次，别人都问我我是否会逗留在澳洲找份工作，安顿下来，我都不知道要怎么回答。
一方面，我想留下来赚些奥币再回去，一方面又不舍得家人，想尽快回去找份工作，能够天天陪在他们身边。
现在我才明白爸妈不是永远都会陪在我们身边，他们也许明天就走了，那时候，我们就会后悔没有好好孝顺他们，遗憾也来不及了。
以前中年的时候，总是想尽快离开家到外国念书，不必再听爸妈唠唠叨叨。
但，我现在才真的真得明白他们所做的一切都是为我好！为什么就不能让我早点明白呢？！为什么？！

这是我对自己和爸妈的承诺：我会好好孝顺你们到你们离开我。其实想早点结婚的原因也是希望我的孩子能够至少跟他的外婆外公有接触。

爸，妈，你们也许不知道，我真的真的很感谢你们对我的养育之恩，为我做的一切！

XOXO,
Me

What I came across

While surfing the internet, I came across this quote:

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,
you can't go on well in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

XOXO,
Me

Maybe...

...it's God's sign to let me know I'm not alone.

Every time my world crumbles, I'll bump into people I know, people who mean something to me. =)
After letting out the tears in the morning chatting with my friend and sms-ing my best friend back home, I sms-ed my mom to let her know I actually miss them alot, which resulted in more crying. Anyway, as I was walking to the bus stop this afternoon, I bumped into the friend whom I was chatting with...and what do u know?! My tears flowed out like streams of river =S It wasn't a very pretty sight. We hugged and that instant I felt that I'm not alone. Well, it was quite a funny way how we met. We were queuing up at the Adelaide airport and I heard her squealing about the security dogs so I turned around and we smiled at each other. I thought that was the end of it but little did I know that she's actually studying at the same campus as I am. And I'm not sure if it's coincidence, 2nd sem last year, we took the same subject and from then on I didn't have to dread going to class alone cause I know that she'll be there, together with some other friends.

Then after class today, on the way back to my apartment, I bumped into a friend whom I got to know last year in Easter Camp. Well, I was his angel. LOL Anyway, when he asked how I'm doing, I felt like crying again. Luckily I excused myself fast...cause I needed to get some stuff before heading home. While walking, a lady opened her arms wide and walked towards me, looking really happy to see me. On second look, I realised that she's the resident pastor who stays at the hostel I used to live in. Last year, she prayed for me at the dining table because I was too stressed and was about to cry. This year, she appeared again on the same day I cried. I think it's really God.

Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I do not know how to answer. How I'm doing, as in physically, emotionally or mentally? If u're talking about the physical aspect, can't u see for urself? Mentally...If I'm not fine mentally I wouldn't be able to converse with you, would I?? My emotions change like the weather, sometimes predictable sometimes not. So it's hard to say. Right now, if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm not doing fine. I'm panicking about assignments, missing my parents, relatives and friends badly AND looking forward to summer holidays (I know, summer is still here...but I can't wait already!!).

I learnt today in my psychology lecture, that dreams are unsatisfied desires. So I reckon that my desire to go home is suppressed to the extent that I dream of them. OK, better go..starting to babble again.

XOXO,
Me

Weird dreams in the night

And again...I had weird dreams.

I know one of the dreams was about my insecurity and I shall not reveal the dream here cause it's juz too out-of-this-world even I cannot believe it myself.

You know, I made this new year resolution that I shall not be too emotional anymore but somehow sometimes I feel like crying!! Anyway, back to my dreams. I dreamt that I was back in my aunt's house and my cousin brought her 6-month-old son along all the way from Singapore. He was really really happy to see me and he wanted me to carry him. In that dream, I actually felt how I felt for him in real life. That warm fuzzy feeling everytime I see/carry him. While learning about child language development yesterday, I nearly cried, thinking that when I get back and see him again, he'd be 1+ year old and could speak already. Seriously I never felt so much for a baby before I treat him like my own son and I really really really really love him to bits.

I don't know if this is a test from God or what, but everytime when my life seems to be perfect, it crumbles down again...and feelings of insecurity and depression overwhelm me so much that I can't hold back my tears any longer. Why?! Why do we even have to grow up? I thought studying overseas would be fun, you know? I always thought it as a holiday...but no. When reality sinkcs in, lfe is not as easy as that. I hate it!! Another thing I hate is that I get attached to people too easily. I hate it when that happens because I have to have people I'm attached to to be around often. Not always, but often. To this point, I dunno what I'm babbling about anymore...

p/s: Sue...I don't think I'll find back me in Adelaide...I worry too much here, I cry too much here...

XOXO,
Me

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

cool!! it's quite accurate...except 1 or 2. XD
Sometimes I just hate Australia. Everything closes down so early and when it comes to public holidays, nothing's opened!! Gotta wait another day to get my fan...I'm melting...

XOXO,
Me

New Life

3 weeks have come and gone since I came back to old boring Adelaide. When I boarded the plane at the Penang International Airport (PIA) alone for the first time, I thought, "Damn!! I'm turning 20 this year, it's time to grow up and face the harsh reality of life!" Well, although I boarded the plane alone when I went home, it was different because I knew I was going back to the place where my parents shower me with love whereas this time, I'm leaving for a place where I have to be independent in taking care of things myself whilst juggling with studies. I so wanted to cry but I held back the tears, thinking that I must NOT break my new year resolution!! As I said before, I'm a very confused girl. I feel like I'm living 2 lives now - 1 in Adelaide and the other 1 in Penang. Everytime when I start to get used to things, I have to leave for the other place. Only then I realised that I'm the kind of person who doesn't like changes. I get stressed and depressed for sometime before getting used to things. =(

So, before I came back to Adelaide during the summer, I planned to move out of my hostel. The reasons are:

1. I'm sick of the hostel food and seriously the manager is over charging us (at least i save some money when I move out)
2. I wanna be more independent - both in life and entertainment. In the aspect of life, I guess I wanna learn some living skills such as cooking and managing a place; in entertainment sense, I don't wanna always depend on other people for entertainment, you know, cause I used to crash my hostel mates' rooms so often that sometimes I just can't sit still and finish my assignment! XP
3. Moving to the city equals no more 30-35 mins bus rides to the city.
4. Thinking of working in the city...see how it goes =)

Anyway, at this exact moment as I'm typing this, my housemate, J, has gone out to a friend's birthday party and I'm alone. So lonely. I feel so helpless when I can't sms my best friend or my parents because I've exceeded my credit limit!! >.< This makes me realise that I'm the kind of person who is afraid of being alone!!

What a crappy post...anyway, will update when I'm in a better mood...hope I don't get depressed anytime soon. =S

XOXO,
Me