Hello December!

How time flies! I know I know...I'm starting to sound like a broken record. lol. but i can't help it! I can't believe it's already December! December is...a month of magical moments to me, simply because it's Christmas month, or maybe because after December is the new year.

Anyway, enough about December. For the past week, I've been so so so stressed I don't even know where to start. First, I fell terribly sick but I managed to drag myself to class - call me kiasu but I really didn't want to miss out on any important information which could be of help to our presentation or assessments. For the first time I felt so helpless...I couldn't breathe because of congested nose, walking against the cold wind made it even worse. Most of the time I felt like hiding under my warm covers the whole day and wished I didn't have to get up.

Because our poster presentation was on Friday, 6 days leading to Friday I didn't step out of my room at all (walking to the kitchen doesn't count). I felt so tired but still I had to push myself to focus and prepare for the presentation. Was feeling emo most of the time, having to deal with the stress AND missing someone. I initially planned to get my poster printed the day before the presentation but I wasn't finished yet! I ended up staying up till 2am and because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep well due to stress and nervousness, I gulped down a mug of camomile tea before going to bed and it worked like magic! 

The next day I got up really early, at 6:30am, so that I could rush to the print shop to get my poster printed before going to class. And it was that morning that I realised how IMPORTANT sleep is. I mean, I knew sleep was important all along but the effect of sleeping late just ONE night was incredible! I was starving (only had kit kat for lunch and 2 slices of pizza for dinner the day before) so I decided to make some oats to be eaten with the fresh cranberries I got. The cranberries were awfully sour, so I thought drizzling some honey on my oats would be nice right? I was so so so sleepy that I drizzled washing liquid on my oats! o_O To be honest, I'm thankful I didn't start eating it to realise what I'd done! I was literally standing there stunned for a few seconds before throwing the bowl of oats away. 

That day I caught the bus really early for the first time here. The cold still air was really nice and calming. Everything seemed calm and slow-moving, which was the total opposite of how I felt. Was so relieved I managed to get my poster printed just in time for me to go to class. Oh, and because of sleep deprivation, I almost left my debit card at the store after paying. =/ 

*fast forward to afternoon*

After my poster presentation, was fooling around with my classmates when I suddenly remembered that   I needed to upload my poster online again because of an error. It was at that moment that I realised my pendrive wasn't with me! I was panicking, wondering where it could possibly be....and then...the print shop?! I had forgotten to get my pendrive from the print shop! *smacks forehead* Good thing the guy working there had kept it safe when I went back to collect it. Oh, and I discovered that I'm not the only one who has a major crush on our course leader/lecturer! =p 

It was such a huuuuuge relief when the poster presentation finally ended! I was so so so so proud of myself for not giving up. That feeling was just indescribable! At least if I didn't get the grade I was hoping for, at least I know I've tried my best. =) Went to the pub opposite our uni for a drink with a few classmates and even though I was dead tired, I actually enjoyed it. It seemed like things were starting to change for the better. I guess before this I was too caught up and stressed about everything that I didn't bother to get to know my classmates better. Well, I took 3 months to settle down in Adelaide, perhaps after 3 months here I would feel much better? And one of my classmates commented that I sound really American. She's the second person to said this to me. Oh and we were sort of asking each other their age and again, I don't look my age...lol. 

So the 1st day of Dec was spent doing laundry and basically relaxing the whole day. I really wanted to go for a walk in the city but the temperature outside turned me off. Maybe another day. Today I just enjoyed being nua.

And again, how time flies! 1st Dec is over...hello 2nd Dec!

That's me with my poster (which cost GBP20!) xox

人怎么不会吸取教训？

人真的很奇怪 － 往往得不到的是最好的；得到了才发现原来自己并没有这么想要；失去了，又才来后悔为何当初不珍惜。

我回来了

两个小时前跟一位槟城的朋友聊天，她在为她的感情生活烦恼。其实跟她聊了之后，我觉得很欣慰她懂得为自己的未来着想。她和男友交往三年多，一切事情都是男友安排、管理。你要知道她男友是多么的大男人。有一次我们三姐妹出去逛街，正在有兴致地一面吃着一面聊天时她男友拨电话给她，要他立刻在楼下等他。我当时很惊讶，怎么连吃个东西也要管啊？而且我们也还没吃完，他就要她回家，这不合理吧？我曾经想，她真的要把她的幸福交到他手中吗？他们可能有结果吗？

她说她受够了他的约束，他的自私，想要做个了断。当然还有种种原因的存在。我真的很为她开心因为只有想要挣开的想法才会有行动。很多女生习惯了另一半在身边，即使再不开心也没有勇气提出分手去面对改变。所以，我一定全力支持你！！！我相信你的决定会是以你的未来和幸福为前提。我恨钦佩那些有勇气面对分手的女生，因为真的很不容易。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

Totally irrelevant post below:

I suddenly have this deep hatred for men who drink. OK, maybe not hatred...but 反感.

XOXO
Me

2012 年中秋节...

看着没得提的灯笼，心情好复杂。这是原本在我离开的前一晚，朋友们买了灯笼想要为我践行，结果我们跑去吃了夜宵没有提灯笼，但他们还是坚持要送我。

虽然在家也没有特别庆祝，但至少家是熟悉的地方，朋友们可以约对方出来聚一聚没有那么无聊。今天是我抵达这里以来第一次在外面吃晚餐，约了在伦敦机场认识的一个朋友和他的朋友一起吃饭。最后是他们两看着我慢慢地吃，唉！然后吃饱，三人在大风中走着找地方坐，而他们俩在那里喝酒抽烟。T_T 我是真的不喜欢坐在抽烟的人旁边，因为二手烟啊！而且身上会有烟味，真是无奈。

要回家时又下起毛毛雨，但是独自走在无人的街上感觉不错，冷风把我脸庞吹得麻痹了很不赖。有时候还是希望你在这里，看我看的风景，经历我所经历的，然后一起嘻嘻哈哈抵达目的地。也许人生就是这样，不是想要什么就有什么。一个人在这里也许会学到生活上的功课。一年一眨眼就过去，我想好好经历这一年！

XOXO

That fleeting moment when...

....the thing that has been bothering you for weeks have been lifted and all you feel is joy! LOL If there's a prize for rotten judgement I guess I've already won it. You proved me wrong, that's why it's so easy to just let go and move on. Whoa! And...because of that I thank you for giving me the opportunity to open my eyes to the things that are more meaningful.

From now on, blog, I'll blog about happy/positive things! Emo posts begone!

Another week and I'm out of that tiring workplace! Can't wait...all this work is taking its toll on me - not good.

It's almost 1am *gasps* Time for bed. My comfy bed, here I comeeeee!

P.S.: I know, this post is just so random and jumbled up. A proper post soon.

XOXO,
Me

我可能不会爱你

啊！终于看完了《我可能不会爱你》！结局我早就猜到，只是看到程又青和李大仁绕了这么一大圈才在一起真的为他们有点担心。嘻！看到他们终于结婚，我也感动得落泪。至少，李大仁对她十多年来的感情终于得到回报。

我说过，希望我的另一半是我的好朋友，或者至少认识了一段时间的朋友。每个听到这个的人就会跟我说这是不可能的事。但我还是坚持相信！

以下就是李大仁求婚的片段。不浪漫也可以很浪漫。没有人特定浪漫一定要昂贵的花朵或戒指，对不对？




After not having work for a day, I feel so refreshed and full of energy. *sigh* But the moment I woke up this morning for work, that feeling of dread came rushing back again. Well, at least I should be happy that I managed to stay awake the whole afternoon so that I can sleep earlier at night. Really really really really need to readjust my biological clock. Irregular sleeping times is making me age sooner than I should!

Thanks to my blog, I've been able to let out some things that I shouldn't keep inside. It's doing me good, since I don't have to rant to anyone. Anyway...signing out! Talk soon.

XOXO,
Me

Close call

It's a public holiday today, thus no work. Woohoo! While cleaning my room I stumbled upon my pay slips from previous months. I don't know what came over me but I actually thought that maybe I could continue working until the end of this month, just for the sake of some income. Just when I felt very determined to continue for 2 more weeks, all the work that I needed to do for tomorrow flooded my mind. That feeling of dread came over me and then I thought to myself, "Screw this! I can't wait to be out of there! No way I'm extending my stay!" Phew~ I almost made a terrible mistake!

Still watching In Time with You (我可能不会爱你）, I find this quote quite true - 爱有很多种 - 爱到不知道爱也是一种. Yup, soooo true!

P.S.: Oh, all the best to you for your job interview tomorrow!!! =)

XOXO,
Me

大男人

Disclaimer: The content of this blog post is merely what I think, not directed to anyone in particular.

今天一早就跟我朋友的男朋友聊天。他呢，也是鼎鼎有名的大男人, 跟我朋友 (L) 交往了有四年。虽然 L 有时候会在我们面前控诉他，但是她脸上每次就是洋溢着幸福的光芒。我们看了也感受到那种幸福，跟着她一起说男朋友的“坏话”。哈哈！

在我这么多男生朋友里面，我看出了三种大男人：
1. 非常大男人，他对别人特别好，但就是对女生的家人不好的那种；
2. 浪漫型的，处处都会为女友着想，有好的总会跟女友分享，连找工和学习的地点都会以女的为主；
3. 隐藏式的呵护，在背后做很多关心女生的事情，女生的基本需要都照顾得很齐全，连对女生身边的朋友也一样照顾，但是死爱面子不说好听的话，处处为女的着想，虽然有时会让女的觉得被受控制。

有一次跟一位第二类大男人的男生朋友出去，不知道谈到什么，他说我绝对顶不了大男人。我当时给他的答案是要看是什么样的大男人吧！L 的男朋友就是第三种大男人。他会顾及我朋友的衣食住行。有很多人跟我说过，有一次 L 的朋友大失恋，有做傻事的倾向，L 的男朋友赶紧到她家去，确定她没做傻事，还苦口婆心地劝她，让她把她的混蛋前男友放下。还有一次我们去旅行，L 的男友联络不上她，明明就很着急却骂了 L，两人脸黑黑的。从中真地看出来他很担心她却没有好好表达。

其实，两人在一起虽然一方会用他自己的方式去爱、去表达并不代表他没你想象中爱你，只是看你有没有感受到罢了。既然两人相爱而在一起，那就应该紧紧抓着彼此不放才是。如果说受不了一些事情，那为何当初又可以接受？一个人应该很清楚自己要的是什么，能够接受什么，而不是在一起了才来说无法忍受什么。这样分手的时候真的会伤了明明就很爱你、关心你的那个人。也许当初能够接受的理由就是心里深处总希望对方会改变，但是事实就是对方很有可能是不会改变成你喜欢的那种人。很多时候情侣间都是少了沟通吧，才会导致两人之间很多问题的出现。

虽然很多身边的朋友都催我找个好男人，但是我觉得当个单身的女生也不错。看着这么多情侣的例子，我也更加了解自己所想的、所要的。这样一来，现在的我可以充实自己，调整自己，建造一个比以前有更自信的独立女性。当我找到对的的时候，我会加倍珍惜，也省下了许多不必要的心痛和伤痛，给未来的他最好的我！所以，请不要再催我了，终身大事是急不 得的。

希望每个情人终成眷属吧！就算现在还没找到，相信将来会找到！

XOXO,
Me

Monday Morning

What can I say about my Monday morning? It's supposed to be great but I've gotta study for a test & catch up on Advanced Research Methods (I'm so clueless!). Blah! I think it's becoming a habit of mine that if I do not have classes on a particular day, I would always start my day off talking to someone, be it GF or parents.

I woke up feeling really exhausted & I didn't know why. While having my breakfast, snapshots of my nightmare came flooding back into my mind & I realised that it was the nightmare that disrupted my sleep.

YL told me that he would be coming to Adelaide during Easter holidays on msn. I was very excited as I wouldn't be so sien during holidays so I was very looking forward to it. Mana tau, cause I chatted with him before I went to bed. I dreamt that he has arrived in Adelaide & the 1st place I took him to was the museum. =.= But...in the dream, the museum looked totally different from the real one. Weirdly, we were the only ones in the museum (not including the guards). There were super creepy monuments & paintings & everything seemed to come to live (if you're imagining something like Night at the Museum, you're so wrong!! It was disturbingly creepy). Even the security guards were weird!! They seemed to be some kind of zombies. Before I could make out the details, YL & I were running...trying to find our way out the museum but we were trapped. As usual, I couldn't wake up because I was stuck in the dream.

I'm feeling kind of lazy to describe the details. The thing is, the details were quite blurry too. =S Or...it could be due to studying Abnormal Psychology. Did you know that in the late 19th century, people bought tickets to view mentally ill patients as a form of entertainment? Sick right?! Argh...

XOXO,
Me

Who am I to you?

Obviously you don't treat me as a friend like you said you do. Friends tell friends stuff...even though you might think that it's unnecessary. But...finding out stuff from another friend is like a slap in the face. Even though so many times I've asked you about how you feel, you always laugh & say "There's nothing wrong" or "Why do you keep asking me this?" I guess I knew you too well, I know that deep inside you have something against me. You make peace with me because you're forced to by your friends. I have known all along that you do not want to have anything to do with me. I should've trusted my instincts & avoided you but part of me thinks that I think too much.

So I was having my lunch - Tuna sandwich with cheese + avocado - & I decided to catch up with a friend on Skype. As usual, I wanted to know what's happening back in Penang & with our mutual friends. Well, I was right all along...he's finally attached.

When I found out myself weeks ago, I was at my uni computer pool. Though the attachment hasn't been confirmed, I walked to my lecture room, trying to hold back the tears. I knew that it was really THE time to move on. The pieces to a puzzle have already arranged in place. No matter how you rearrange, the pieces wouldn't fit as perfectly. It took almost a week for me to slowly accept that fact. When I finally recovered from the heartache, I scolded myself for acting the way I did. It was all because of my selfishness.

Today, my reaction was totally different from when I first found out. I didn't feel anything. I just felt a little angry because when I talked to him a few weeks ago, I asked him if there's anything he wanted to tell me but he said no, which was kind of expected. I don't know what to say anymore. All I can do is to congratulate u on ur attachment & I hope that when my time comes, you'll do the same for me.

XOXO,
Me

情人节快乐

It's Valentine's Day once again...never celebrated this day for the past 21 years & I doubt I'll celebrate it in the near future.

Here are some cool pictures I found while googling for the word "Valentine". =) Enjoy!











...and my favourite one is a Valentine's poem! Here I dedicate it to all my readers who are still single! *muaks*


Have a Happy Valentine's Day! Who says that you can only spend it with your partner/spouse?

XOXO,
Me

It's times like these...

...that we need to turn to Him more!
Been studying non-stop (with occasional breaks in between) & now when I step into my room and see my desk, I feel like throwing up...
I'm sick of books already...
When will this all end?!

Went to church today, and during Praise & Worship session, I nearly cried while singing this song.
I've been striving so hard to do well in my exams that sometimes I forget His faithfulness to me, leaving Him out of my life & letting Him in during good times!
So, now, I just need to do my best and leave the rest to Him!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After lunch, I got a phone call from a friend whom I had a same class with last year. She asked me tips on exams as she's taking a subject that I took last year. After catching up a little, she asked me if I've seen Emma (another girl in our class) around. Apparently, last year she had cancer...was juz initial stage and she tried calling her last few months but no one picked up. I was quite taken aback actually...never thought that someone you have contact with would have cancer. It's quite unbelievable if you ask me. Made me think of Karen Cheng, whom her husband had cancer and survived it and now living a very fulfilling life with her and kids!! Really makes you think twice on how you wanna spend your lifetime eh?

So, here's the song I wanna share with all my readers! Enjoy! ;)


XOXO,
Me

Speechless once again...

Well, I've heard about the deeds people in Saudi Arabia do since I was in high school and I naively thought that all of those things will be history in no time. But yet again, I'm left speechless as to why such things exist in this world.

Read this, this, this and this.

Have a great week ahead everyone!

XOXO,
Me

Still caught up...

...in a whirlwind of confusion.

I've said this before but I'm gonna say it again - I can't believe I'm turning 20 this year!!!!!
It's been 8 years since I left primary school....
...3 years since I left high school.
...2 years since I left college.

Time does fly when you're having fun. Just today, I was on the phone with an old friend and we couldn't believe that our Form 3 years are over. That was the year where I got closer to her...and the rest is just history.

So, turning 20 soon means that I have to face the grown up world sooner or later. Over the years, I've learnt that it is very important to be yourself. Being as naive as I was, I thought that as long as we're true to ourselves, we do not have to give a damn about what other people think or say. How very wrong I was. We live in a world where pleasing people is a "should-do". We can choose not to, but our social life will suffer tremendously. On the other hand, if we choose to please people, we suffer inside.

*at this point I'm not thinking coherently, so ignore whatever grammar mistakes there is*

Setting: High school Form 3, 2003; Classroom
Character: Y and I (E)

Y: E, you know, sometimes I admire you alot.
E: Oh? And y is that?
Y: I dunno...It's like I admire your principles.
E: My principles? *confused as I never knew I had principles, LOL*
Y: Yeah...You stick to them well. You're the kind of person who listens to people's suggestions, but decides yourself whether you wanna follow or not. That's a very good quality. You don't reject others' opinions straightaway, you listen then decide.
E: Ohhh...

That was what encouraged me to be myself. Listen but decide myself whether what I do is right or not. Unfortunately, I remember what people say too easily that it bothers me sometimes. I may be very happy but I'd feel down the moment I hear something that makes me think and wonder.

I ponder on what people say too much sometimes that I feel like I need to catch my breath.

I wanna be who I wanna be, but on the other hand, I care about what people say.

Sometimes we wanna say "I don't care what people think or say" but we can't. Cause nobody can just NOT care about what people think or say!!

I shall not reveal what's bothering me. I'll just say that my beliefs since I was young were shattered since I went to Aus because people there tell me what I SHOULD do and SHOULD not do. I'm confused. I wanna stand firm to my beliefs and yet I care about what people say. =S ARGH!! This is so bad.

Just came back from tea with SX and initially we had a really good conversation until he mentioned THAT. It made me feel confused again!!

N said "people change____ of their ____ because they feel insecure about it, if you're confident about _____ _____ then no need to change lo"

By now, you should've guessed what I'm talking about. Haih.

Guys...another thing I do not understand...I find it so hard to relate to this "species". =(

I guess it's a wonder how God made females and males so differently that we cannot live without either one of them.

When will this habit of my thinking change?? I can't sleep without finishing up this post cause I will think myself to sleep and I'll end up dreaming weird dreams...

I guess right now, this song relates to me the most...

Imperfect girl
I don't have a perfect smile
maybe I'm just too shy
I'm not a beauty queen
on covers of magazines
that's something you can't deny
I got my own style

So what you see is what you get
A girl of no regrets
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl

I wouldn't be classed as cool
I have to bend the rules
Maybe I don't fit in
I didn't always win
that's something you can't deny
I'm happy with my own style

So what you see is what you get
A girl of no regrets
I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl

It's all just make-believe
The standards that we hear
It doesn't have to be
A perfect world, a perfect world

I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl

I'm not ideal - I'm quite absurd
I'm just an imperfect girl
I rise above this perfect world
I'm just an imperfect, imperfect girl

I need some encouragement right now, but who will ever understand how I feel?

There is only One Person. God.

As I'm thinking, I remembered the book I've read last year. I've learnt alot from that book and I'll always remember. =) In it, there's a passage that goes like this:

“Accept yourself. Love yourself. Respect yourself…If my house is based on God’s word, then even when the rains of bad feelings and self doubt come, my house of self-esteem will stand firm because it is built on the rock of God’s unchanging truth, not my ever-shifting feelings about myself. Self-esteem is necessary for all psychological health, and there is no absolutely sure basis for self-esteem other than the assurance of God’s love for me.”

Yes, now i'm encouraged!! I shall not let bad feelings and self doubt rain on me! Whatever that is of this world is not important. We don't live for people, but for Him! It's what He thinks that matters!!

Whenever I feel like I'm drifting away from You, You give me the wisdom to ponder upon Your words and pick me up, drawing me nearer to You. And I thank You.

XOXO,
Me

Death

It's been days since the tragic bus crash at Slim River happened. When I first heard it from my friend, Pras, I thought it was another bus crash, just like the ones that usually happen around Chinese New Year period but when she said that one of her friends got killed in it, I gave it a second thought. I have never lost a loved one, and I would never want to go through the pain. I didn't know what to say so I brushed it aside, hoping that I could distract her from thinking about it too much. After all, when it comes to sad stuff, I have no clue how to console a person.

Didn't know how serious the bus crash was until I visited a friend's blog at www.xinch.wordpress.com. Apparently, friends of one of the victims in the bus crash, Nian Ning, are coming up with a petition for safer bus rides to urge the authorities to take action in preventing future similar incidents from happening. Year after year, there have been only talk but no action. I guess although I can never understand how her loved ones feel, I bet it must be extremely hard. So I'm doing my part to spread the news.

The news article about the Nian Ning: http://xinch.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/remember-nian-ning/

Bus Crash No More blog:
http://buscrashnomore.blogspot.com/

Since none of these people are bothered to do anything about it, it’s up to us to push for a change. Bloggers,

Please post this on your blog now to help:

Chung Lern and Nian Ning’s families would like all families and friends of the victims, dead or alive, in the Slim River Bus Crash to come forward and join them in taking action against the bus company. Stand up to seek justice for these three innocent individuals, who were all so young and full of life.

If you have a blog, please call out to ANYONE who

knows someone who survived or did not survive

the crash to come forward to join the Lee family.

Make a huge difference, make a huge fuss.

For now, you may contact Lee Chung Lern at chunglern@gmail.com or preferably on his handphone at 012-6670368.

What we can also do is boycott Konsortium express buses.

Pay a little bit more for Nice - is your life not worth that extra RM23?
Another solution that might not be the best, drive. Get 3 friends, a car, and at least the fate of your lives are in your own hands. But remember, drive safely.
Or if you can afford it - FLY. AirAsia and Firefly are making air travel a lot more affordable for us. Like I said - is your life not worth that extra money?

Nian Ning was loved by her family and her friends. Don’t let her be just another statistic to add to the current rise of deaths on the road. After all, we quickly forget.

But she was loved. Read Jien Ann’s blog, Pei Wen’s blog, Sookie’s, check out her boyfriend’s photopage or even her other friend’s blogs. Or check out the facebook group her those dearest to her created in her memory.

Stop being so ‘tidak apa’.

Don’t forget - it could have easily been me, or you, or your loved ones.

Rest in Peace, my friend.

~Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. (1 John 3:18)

All words in blue were taken from Xinch's blog.

May Nian Ning and the other 2 victims R.I.P.

XOXO,

Me

Pervertic god

While reading the readings for Religions of the Ancient World, I came across this paragraph:

Zeus to Hera (his wife):
Let us lie together and turn to love making, for never yet has desire for goddess or woman so filled my heart inside me and overwhelmed it, not even when I loved the wife of Ixion, who bore Perithoos, a councilor equal to the gods, nor when I bedded Danae, the lovely-ankled daughter of Akrisione, who bore Perseus, glorious among all men, nor when I fell in love with the daughter of far-renowned Phoenix, who bore Minos and godlike Rhadamanthys, nor when I loved Semele or Alkmene in Thebes; the latter bore me the strong-hearted Heracles, but Semele bore Dionysus, who gives pleasure to men; nor when I loved queenly Demeter of the lovely hair, nor when my choice was glorious Leto, nor even yourself. So now do I desire you and sweet passion has seized me.

=.= Ooookkkaaayyy...*speechless*

XOXO,
Me

It's over

Phew~ my presentation for Rhetoric and Reasoning is over!!

I think I did really really bad. I was soooo nervous I kept looking at the ceiling and my voice was super shaky...I even started to shake my leg!! >.< This is really bad....Got so depressed I went out for dinner with my friends.

But....

after this dinner, I'm not gonna touch pasta ever again...at least not for now =S Feel like puking...the pasta was too filling and too salty...*gags*

Finishing the novel I borrowed from the state library beginning of holidays. It's about this shopaholic who is married and when she came back from her 10-month honeymoon, she found out that she has a half-sister. The title is Shopaholic and Sister. So...yeah. While reading it, her best friend was mentioned and when she came back from her honeymoon, she discovered that her best friend has already found a new best friend...not exactly, but her best friend is not as close to her as before already. As I read that, I started to think about my own friends. What if we all have different best friends already? What if I go home and we're not able to talk like before already? What if we don't click anymore?

I'm a wreck now...seriously. I'm dying to go back home but at the same time worried that I'm not able to fit into the place where I was born and grew up. =S

I'm scared that our promises to "be friends till we grow old", "be best friends no matter what" or "be friends till our kids get married to each other" will mean nothing anymore. I know I sound like I'm crazy, but since high school, I've always thought of having all my close friends to attend my wedding ceremony. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~

Sometimes I sit and think, how amazing it is that everyone has at least 1 friend that can relate to. No matter how bad a person is, I'm sure he/she will have at least 1 close friend. Without friends, I don't think we can all survive in this world. We were made to live in a community. In standard 4, I was a super bitchy person. Come to think of it, I'm quite ashamed of what I did. The past is the past...it's time to look forward. It's time for a confession...

I used to look down on this girl in standard 4, I didn't like her and I always excluded her from our conversations and I'd make fun of her. I was really really bad. I had a really bad temper then too!! I do have my tempers but it's wayyy better than the last time. Imagine I was that bad already, but I had a best friend who was the total opposite from me. She was quiet, has a good temper and was and still is very forgiving. Not sure if I was lucky or it was a blessing from God, she stood by me through primary school years until high school. We hung out together lesser after form 2 cause we were in different classes and the company we had was different.

Anyway, I guess she influenced me in a way. Through the years, I controlled my temper and I think I changed drastically!! In form 4 I think, she asked me out one day. We were reminiscing about old times and she said I've changed alot!! She said I've changed to become a better person...some one who is not so bad tempered. I was actually encouraged by that. I guess I'm really blessed with good friends. Many of my friends have said things that really encouraged me. Hmmm~ I have a really good idea!! Shall buy a pretty book and write down the stuff my friends have said to me that is encouraging...that way I'll not forget when I grow old XP

It's true what all my high school teachers have said. They said that the friendship we have in high school is the purest, most sincere and real. Now that I'm staying in a hostel, there'll be occasional back-stabbing and gossiping. It's quite scary at times but I think this is what you call "the world". True friends in high school tell you stuff straight in the face. We may feel offended or angry but the most we'd do is not talk to each other for maybe a day or two and we're friends once again, knowing that you're able to be honest with each other.

Another thing that has been bothering me for a while is appearance. I have no problem with my appearance whatsoever. In fact, I don't feel that I need to change anything until I came here. People keep making remarks about my appearance. They say I should wax my legs, pluck my eyebrows, dress up, pluck the hair above my lips (they call it my mustache) and wear contact lenses. Seriously for my whole 19 years of life, I never thought of changing how I look. Grew up with my cousins who don't really dress up or care about their appearance. Not that they're sloppy or whatever though. They just do stuff like plucking eyebrows or waxing hairs off legs stuff like that. My family and relatives made me feel like I'm the most beautiful thing even without doing the stuff other teenage girls do.

I still don't get it though, why wax our legs? =S It's just hair. Everyone has it. Who came up with the idea that smooth legs are nice? Do people last time do that as well? We are all born with hair on our legs. If you're talking about armpit hair then I understand cause it looks hideous with sleeveless tops and the hair doesn't capture heat when we're cold. Waxing our legs is just so troublesome, you have to was it everytime the hair grows back =.= Just like eyebrows. Why pluck it when you know you have to do that for the rest of your lives? I'd just pluck it for occasions, such as my wedding? LOL or for special functions? Being a girl is so hard. People come up with this image of how a girl should look because of advertisements and stuff. *sigh* And dressing up...dressing up is also so troublesome. I see my friends (sorry if you're one of them) standing in front of the cupboard, thinking of what to wear...omg...I can never do that!! I'd just rather be simple and the most important of all is I have to feel comfortable in what I wear!! That's my main motto on clothes, man!! I wouldn't wanna wear heels and feel uncomfortable walking. Worse, if I have to run after the bus, I wouldn't wanna run in heels!! No way!! I'd just rather kill myself.

I see some people wearing skimpy outfits in a cold weather and I think "why do girls torture themselves like that?" That's the price for looking nice? Freeze yourself? I can never do that. Salute to the girls out there. Sometimes I see girls wearing super high heels out shopping and I'm thankful I'm wearing sports shoes. They're the most comfortable shoes anyone can own. =P Sometimes I think if God made a mistake in my gender cause I'm so anti-girlish. But then again, God never makes mistakes, so I guess I'm just "unique". Don't misunderstand though, I'm not criticizing the girls out there, I'm just stating our differences and voicing out my thoughts. =)

Oops~ Enough of digressing.

XOXO,
Me

Girls' Ministry

This morning I went for my first ever Girls' Ministry organised by an OCF girl (obviously) and it turned out totally unexpected.
I thought it'd be the usual, praise and worship, someone shares something and that's it.

I suddenly felt so much like a girl (?) LOL~ Probably because there weren't any guys around and what one of the girls said is true, she said that no one understands us better than the ones around us at that moment.

Joanne shared something with us today and the topic was Being Empowered as a Christian Woman. Wow~ Suddenly I'm a woman! Hehe~ =P What she shared was quite private and confidential so I won't be giving much details.

Empowered means being equipped or supplied with an ability. In this case I guess what she was trying to send across was our being equipped the ability to be set free in Christ. In the midst of her sharing, I could hear girls sniffing and sobbing and I could see tears welled up or streaming down their cheeks.

Joanne's sharing was a touching one. She taught us about total freedom. Freedom from addiction. Freedom from hatred. Freedom from unnecessary burdens. Freedom from the past that haunts. Freedom from worldly things. Freedom from others' opinions. Freedom from anything that separates us from God.

Galatians 5: 1
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Everyone knows I'm not good expressing with words, so yeah...this is all I have to say...I guess.

p/s: To all the girls who went for the Girls' Ministry, correct me if I'm wrong...

XOXO.
Me

Not so stressed...I hope

Just what I needed during times of stress...

Opened my e-mail and there it was, sitting in the inbox =)

Shall share with you a few meaningful phrases...<3

Do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations

As Long As You Love Me

Ahhh~

Just came back from another OCF meeting on a Friday night =)

Currently listening to As Long As You Love Me by the once-so-famous-Backstreet-boys.

It's a really romantic song but somehow it reminds me of our saviour...

Modified version of As Long As You Love Me:
He doesn't care who we are,
where we're from,
doesn't care what we did,
as long as we love Him

The memory verse that I memorised today during lunch was:
Psalm 51:16-17
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it
You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and contrite heart,
O God You will not despise.

*contrite, according to http://www.dictionary.com is:
Feeling regret and sorrow for one's sins or offenses; penitent.

See what I meant by modifying the lyrics? God wants us as a living sacrifice, not burnt offerings, and even more when we have a broken spirit and a broken and contrite heart. He does not despise us even though we're so imperfect =))

Just a super duper short sharing, cause I'm lazy to type and my eyes are shutting again. @.@

XOXO,
Me