...I'm writing this post. It's not like I have any updates (good ones) anyway.
It's just that besides praying, there's no one else I could turn to. I've been feeling extremely emotional and depressed for the past few weeks. I'm starting to feel that there's something wrong with me. Well, I blame hormones because I missed my period last month. But then again, I've never felt this way ever...
For the past 2 weeks, I kept feeling a lump in my chest. I really want to cry but I can't, and then I would cry over the most random things ever. These days I try to distant myself from everyone. I just don't feel like I'm in my best condition to interact socially, not even short conversations. However, I'd always log onto Facebook and Skype, hoping to find someone from home to talk to. Someone to hear me rant or just distract me from what I've been feeling. I'd always end up not talking to anyone in fear that I'm making them feel upset too. Even when I do talk to my mom, I'm always so happy-sounding but the moment she gets off Skype, I'm back to where I was.
Winter has gone...and Spring is finally here but I'm not feeling as happy as I thought I would, although sunshine does make everything seem a LITTLE bit better. Just a few days ago, I was feeling so down but I had an appointment with a friend to go shopping so I went anyway. The whole day, I felt like my chest was going to burst because I was suppressing my tears the whole afternoon. Really tried to cheer up and enjoyed the shopping but the moment I came home, everything's just back to how it was.
Funny thing is, everyone thinks I'm doing fine here, simply because of how happy I look in my Facebook pictures. Then again, who puts up sad pictures on Facebook? I really long to laugh again without constraints......Many times I think I really need to see a psychologist, someone to tell me what's wrong with me.
Should've showered an hour ago but ended up tearing up like no tomorrow. *sigh* Gotta suck it up and go cook dinner now. May tomorrow be a better day.
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Thursday, February 07, 2013
First post of 2013
Hi! January is almost over and I just realised I haven't been writing much here. It's been 4 months since I arrived UK. Wow...time really does fly! I am happy to say that I'm feeling soooo much better except for the occasional emo moments when I get too stressed out, which is normal. :) My winter break was mostly spent doing nothing, watching drama, surfing the net, and talking to my family on skype. Pure bliss!
I was wishing for a white Christmas last year but it didn't snow. My Christmas plan - snuggling down in bed watching Love Actually - kind of failed too. I wasted so much time that by the time I took a shower and snuggled under my covers I was too sleepy to finish the movie. Oh, and having Snickers ice cream in bed was awesome!
A friend from Birmingham came over to visit me for a day and a half, and then it was my turn to pay him a visit. I must say, I haven't felt so at home for a looong time. I stay here alone (although I have 2 flatmates, we don't usually hang out or talk except when we bump into each other in the kitchen) so I kind of forgot how it felt like having meals with friends or just having someone to talk to. I stayed over my friend's place in Birmingham and I got to know his housemates. For 2 days, it felt sooo good to cook, eat and play together with them. I haven't laughed so much ever since I came to the UK. Then it was London! My primary school friend accompanied me throughout those 1.5 days. When I came back to Nottingham, reality sank in...loneliness came creeping back.
______________________________________________________________________________
Anyway, the above was written sometime in January. LOL It's already February! The month of L-O-V-E. Hehe...OMG, I saw snow for the first time in my life last month! I was rushing my assignment like mad in my room and then as I looked out the window the view outside took my breath away! Outside was covered in white and snowflakes were just falling slowly to the ground. The atmosphere outside was so still...as if time stood still. At that moment, I wanted to just sit there wrapped up in my fleece blanket and watch the snow fall! <3 nbsp="" p="">
So after the submission of my 2 assignments, I finally had time to just rest and not think about deadlines for a while. It was then that I realised being busy isn't a bad thing after all. It helps one to get their mind off certain things and time seems to pass by quicker when one is occupied. Finally, I can say that I finally made "peace" with where I am and what I need to do. =)
除此之外，我也学会了生命中的一门功课。很多事情不能强求，人会因时间或环境而改变。不是每个人都像自己一样那么注重或在乎一些事情。只要从另一个角度去看，那么一切会显得更清晰。还有就是凡事不要想太多，想了也不能改变什么，那何必自讨苦吃？长大了，很多事情不需太执着，要适当的放手，这样才活得轻松些。
XOXO
I was wishing for a white Christmas last year but it didn't snow. My Christmas plan - snuggling down in bed watching Love Actually - kind of failed too. I wasted so much time that by the time I took a shower and snuggled under my covers I was too sleepy to finish the movie. Oh, and having Snickers ice cream in bed was awesome!
A friend from Birmingham came over to visit me for a day and a half, and then it was my turn to pay him a visit. I must say, I haven't felt so at home for a looong time. I stay here alone (although I have 2 flatmates, we don't usually hang out or talk except when we bump into each other in the kitchen) so I kind of forgot how it felt like having meals with friends or just having someone to talk to. I stayed over my friend's place in Birmingham and I got to know his housemates. For 2 days, it felt sooo good to cook, eat and play together with them. I haven't laughed so much ever since I came to the UK. Then it was London! My primary school friend accompanied me throughout those 1.5 days. When I came back to Nottingham, reality sank in...loneliness came creeping back.
______________________________________________________________________________
Anyway, the above was written sometime in January. LOL It's already February! The month of L-O-V-E. Hehe...OMG, I saw snow for the first time in my life last month! I was rushing my assignment like mad in my room and then as I looked out the window the view outside took my breath away! Outside was covered in white and snowflakes were just falling slowly to the ground. The atmosphere outside was so still...as if time stood still. At that moment, I wanted to just sit there wrapped up in my fleece blanket and watch the snow fall! <3 nbsp="" p="">
So after the submission of my 2 assignments, I finally had time to just rest and not think about deadlines for a while. It was then that I realised being busy isn't a bad thing after all. It helps one to get their mind off certain things and time seems to pass by quicker when one is occupied. Finally, I can say that I finally made "peace" with where I am and what I need to do. =)
除此之外，我也学会了生命中的一门功课。很多事情不能强求，人会因时间或环境而改变。不是每个人都像自己一样那么注重或在乎一些事情。只要从另一个角度去看，那么一切会显得更清晰。还有就是凡事不要想太多，想了也不能改变什么，那何必自讨苦吃？长大了，很多事情不需太执着，要适当的放手，这样才活得轻松些。
XOXO
Monday, December 10, 2012
有时候我真的不了解自己
我到底是不是个怕寂寞的人？有时候觉得是，但有时候却觉得自己很喜欢一个人 － 一个人逛街、一个人买菜、一个人发呆、一个人探险。久而久之，就真的享受一个人的生活。也许我也算是怕改变的人吧。在这里两个多月了，也渐渐习惯了一个人。有时候很想找朋友聊聊天，又怕我打扰了人家，所以就制止自己去找人家。
前天一位朋友来找我。因多年不见，我对这个计划有点排斥，但相处了一天之后又慢慢熟了起来。人生就是这样吧，没有什么东西是永久的，有聚就有散。出去走了一天，我朋友就决定当晚回去。送他去火车站之后，突然心头有种郁闷。回到我房间面对着四面墙，没人跟我说话，没有人和我一起吃晚餐。这些不是我之前一直以来的习惯吗？怎么突然觉得不是滋味呢？
我朋友说人就是犯贱的。我想也是，在生活里我们不可能什么东西都依自己的意思行事。想一个人的时候，别人偏偏有空；而当我想要有人陪时，别人却很忙。也因为这样，为了不想造成别人的困扰，我变得很孤僻吧。在这里同班同学虽然都相处得很好，一旦下课各有各的生活和节目。想要找一个能够谈心事的朋友也难，每个人的文化不同，想要对方能够给予的忍耐度有限，完全不能自己。唉！算了吧，现在接受事实也好。离读完书还有九个月，我可以撑过去的。
寒假开始了，每个人都纷纷回家跟家人相聚庆祝圣诞节。原本宿舍的车场泊满了车，现在车场都空空的，看了有点心酸。好想一个人去背包旅行，但是又怕父母担心，因为一些地方扒手很多，治安没那么好。
前天一位朋友来找我。因多年不见，我对这个计划有点排斥，但相处了一天之后又慢慢熟了起来。人生就是这样吧，没有什么东西是永久的，有聚就有散。出去走了一天，我朋友就决定当晚回去。送他去火车站之后，突然心头有种郁闷。回到我房间面对着四面墙，没人跟我说话，没有人和我一起吃晚餐。这些不是我之前一直以来的习惯吗？怎么突然觉得不是滋味呢？
我朋友说人就是犯贱的。我想也是，在生活里我们不可能什么东西都依自己的意思行事。想一个人的时候，别人偏偏有空；而当我想要有人陪时，别人却很忙。也因为这样，为了不想造成别人的困扰，我变得很孤僻吧。在这里同班同学虽然都相处得很好，一旦下课各有各的生活和节目。想要找一个能够谈心事的朋友也难，每个人的文化不同，想要对方能够给予的忍耐度有限，完全不能自己。唉！算了吧，现在接受事实也好。离读完书还有九个月，我可以撑过去的。
寒假开始了，每个人都纷纷回家跟家人相聚庆祝圣诞节。原本宿舍的车场泊满了车，现在车场都空空的，看了有点心酸。好想一个人去背包旅行，但是又怕父母担心，因为一些地方扒手很多，治安没那么好。
Sunday, December 02, 2012
Hello December!
How time flies! I know I know...I'm starting to sound like a broken record. lol. but i can't help it! I can't believe it's already December! December is...a month of magical moments to me, simply because it's Christmas month, or maybe because after December is the new year.
Anyway, enough about December. For the past week, I've been so so so stressed I don't even know where to start. First, I fell terribly sick but I managed to drag myself to class - call me kiasu but I really didn't want to miss out on any important information which could be of help to our presentation or assessments. For the first time I felt so helpless...I couldn't breathe because of congested nose, walking against the cold wind made it even worse. Most of the time I felt like hiding under my warm covers the whole day and wished I didn't have to get up.
Because our poster presentation was on Friday, 6 days leading to Friday I didn't step out of my room at all (walking to the kitchen doesn't count). I felt so tired but still I had to push myself to focus and prepare for the presentation. Was feeling emo most of the time, having to deal with the stress AND missing someone. I initially planned to get my poster printed the day before the presentation but I wasn't finished yet! I ended up staying up till 2am and because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep well due to stress and nervousness, I gulped down a mug of camomile tea before going to bed and it worked like magic!
The next day I got up really early, at 6:30am, so that I could rush to the print shop to get my poster printed before going to class. And it was that morning that I realised how IMPORTANT sleep is. I mean, I knew sleep was important all along but the effect of sleeping late just ONE night was incredible! I was starving (only had kit kat for lunch and 2 slices of pizza for dinner the day before) so I decided to make some oats to be eaten with the fresh cranberries I got. The cranberries were awfully sour, so I thought drizzling some honey on my oats would be nice right? I was so so so sleepy that I drizzled washing liquid on my oats! o_O To be honest, I'm thankful I didn't start eating it to realise what I'd done! I was literally standing there stunned for a few seconds before throwing the bowl of oats away.
That day I caught the bus really early for the first time here. The cold still air was really nice and calming. Everything seemed calm and slow-moving, which was the total opposite of how I felt. Was so relieved I managed to get my poster printed just in time for me to go to class. Oh, and because of sleep deprivation, I almost left my debit card at the store after paying. =/
*fast forward to afternoon*
After my poster presentation, was fooling around with my classmates when I suddenly remembered that I needed to upload my poster online again because of an error. It was at that moment that I realised my pendrive wasn't with me! I was panicking, wondering where it could possibly be....and then...the print shop?! I had forgotten to get my pendrive from the print shop! *smacks forehead* Good thing the guy working there had kept it safe when I went back to collect it. Oh, and I discovered that I'm not the only one who has a major crush on our course leader/lecturer! =p
It was such a huuuuuge relief when the poster presentation finally ended! I was so so so so proud of myself for not giving up. That feeling was just indescribable! At least if I didn't get the grade I was hoping for, at least I know I've tried my best. =) Went to the pub opposite our uni for a drink with a few classmates and even though I was dead tired, I actually enjoyed it. It seemed like things were starting to change for the better. I guess before this I was too caught up and stressed about everything that I didn't bother to get to know my classmates better. Well, I took 3 months to settle down in Adelaide, perhaps after 3 months here I would feel much better? And one of my classmates commented that I sound really American. She's the second person to said this to me. Oh and we were sort of asking each other their age and again, I don't look my age...lol.
So the 1st day of Dec was spent doing laundry and basically relaxing the whole day. I really wanted to go for a walk in the city but the temperature outside turned me off. Maybe another day. Today I just enjoyed being nua.
And again, how time flies! 1st Dec is over...hello 2nd Dec!
That's me with my poster (which cost GBP20!) xox
Saturday, November 24, 2012
I wonder...
what would have happened if I had continued studying postgraduate in Psychology straight after my fourth year of undergraduate studies?
It's quite amazing how things turn out. I remember one thing my lecturer said...it always comes to time. Sometimes something that seems good at a time would not necessarily be a good thing when you're in the future; and something that seems so terrible at a time would turn out to be a blessing afterwards. I completely agree to that because I have experienced this myself.
I still remember in year 2011, I had a huge fight with my family and even went on a hunger strike. And I didn't even celebrate my birthday then. Needless to say, I was feeling very miserable then. So I was determined to find a job, any job be it full-time or part-time, I just needed to keep myself occupied. So I started working as a part-time retail assistant, which turned out to be the biggest blessing in my life. Not only did I get to experience working in a retail industry, I also made a group of really good friends! After more than two months, I decided I needed a change of working environment so off to XX education counselling centre I went!
Well, I have mixed feelings about my 2nd job. What I loved about it was that I only had to go to work at 11am, which allowed me to sleep in a little. And because I was still working on a part-time basis, I wasn't expected much in terms of responsibilities. To be honest, I don't remember what I did the whole 6 months there, except for I don't know...having lazy moments and fooling around with my then colleague when our seniors weren't around.
One thing that never fails to make me laugh was my first impression of my then colleague (then, because now he's my friend...sort of. lol). First day of work and my boss was introducing me to the other 2 ppl in the office and he didn't even look up. I wasn't even sure if I should say hi or just walk to my 'corner'. Felt really awkward...until one day he asked if I wanted to go out for lunch. Honestly, I kind of felt relieved because I finally got to escape my corner for a while and OMG someone to talk to! *tears of joy* I haven't talked in the office at all since I started working there. You wouldn't know how torturing it is for me, a girl who talks non-stop 24/7 and laughs randomly when thinks of something funny. I think throughout that 6 months, I did change to become a person who controls myself a lot more - think before speaking etc.
Now 1 year and 3 months later, we're still friends...in fact we kept in touch quite a lot even after I've stopped working there. Then again, this makes me wonder...if I had gone into Masters right after my bachelor's degree, I wouldn't have worked as a RA and gotten to know my friends whom I'm still in close contact with; and if I hadn't changed jobs to work at XX education counselling centre, I wouldn't have gotten to know my then colleague, right? Oh, and not forgetting...I wouldn't have gotten the chance to drive around Penang and getting to know the roads! I've learnt the existence of so many roads in Penang just because I got lost a lot!
Just 2 months ago, I was contemplating to come to the UK or to defer it to next year because I wasn't mentally prepared to leave. However, my mom was determined to get me on that plane! lol. Well I think she did the right thing, if I hadn't gotten on that plane, I don't think I'd ever get myself to. Time really does fly...it's been 2 months...soon it'd be 3 months, 4 months...and then it'd be time to pack my bags and go home! A few nights ago when I was feeling terribly sick, I had a dream. In that dream, I felt the excitement of going home....I was happily packing all my things to be shipped home. I remember that smile on my face. I was genuinely happy. But of course when I woke up, the excitement faded.
Before I forget, I think staying back in Penang in 2011 was awesome because I also got to bond better with my college friends. We weren't exactly close back in college and when one of them went to Adelaide to complete her final year of undergraduate studies, we became a little closer. But it was our wed night market outings that got us much closer. As her bf is in Manchester, we always joke about how she's in a LDR with 2 people. lol. I think I tend to think way too much, like how when I get so excited to chat with her, I can't help but wonder if she feels the same or if she feels i'm way too annoying.
Anyway, I am so thankful for many things even though my life is not perfect. I am thankful for basically everything, even the bad and the ugly, because without them I wouldn't know how to appreciate the good things in life. To everyone who makes a difference in my life - I LOVE YOU!
XOXO
It's quite amazing how things turn out. I remember one thing my lecturer said...it always comes to time. Sometimes something that seems good at a time would not necessarily be a good thing when you're in the future; and something that seems so terrible at a time would turn out to be a blessing afterwards. I completely agree to that because I have experienced this myself.
I still remember in year 2011, I had a huge fight with my family and even went on a hunger strike. And I didn't even celebrate my birthday then. Needless to say, I was feeling very miserable then. So I was determined to find a job, any job be it full-time or part-time, I just needed to keep myself occupied. So I started working as a part-time retail assistant, which turned out to be the biggest blessing in my life. Not only did I get to experience working in a retail industry, I also made a group of really good friends! After more than two months, I decided I needed a change of working environment so off to XX education counselling centre I went!
Well, I have mixed feelings about my 2nd job. What I loved about it was that I only had to go to work at 11am, which allowed me to sleep in a little. And because I was still working on a part-time basis, I wasn't expected much in terms of responsibilities. To be honest, I don't remember what I did the whole 6 months there, except for I don't know...having lazy moments and fooling around with my then colleague when our seniors weren't around.
One thing that never fails to make me laugh was my first impression of my then colleague (then, because now he's my friend...sort of. lol). First day of work and my boss was introducing me to the other 2 ppl in the office and he didn't even look up. I wasn't even sure if I should say hi or just walk to my 'corner'. Felt really awkward...until one day he asked if I wanted to go out for lunch. Honestly, I kind of felt relieved because I finally got to escape my corner for a while and OMG someone to talk to! *tears of joy* I haven't talked in the office at all since I started working there. You wouldn't know how torturing it is for me, a girl who talks non-stop 24/7 and laughs randomly when thinks of something funny. I think throughout that 6 months, I did change to become a person who controls myself a lot more - think before speaking etc.
Now 1 year and 3 months later, we're still friends...in fact we kept in touch quite a lot even after I've stopped working there. Then again, this makes me wonder...if I had gone into Masters right after my bachelor's degree, I wouldn't have worked as a RA and gotten to know my friends whom I'm still in close contact with; and if I hadn't changed jobs to work at XX education counselling centre, I wouldn't have gotten to know my then colleague, right? Oh, and not forgetting...I wouldn't have gotten the chance to drive around Penang and getting to know the roads! I've learnt the existence of so many roads in Penang just because I got lost a lot!
Just 2 months ago, I was contemplating to come to the UK or to defer it to next year because I wasn't mentally prepared to leave. However, my mom was determined to get me on that plane! lol. Well I think she did the right thing, if I hadn't gotten on that plane, I don't think I'd ever get myself to. Time really does fly...it's been 2 months...soon it'd be 3 months, 4 months...and then it'd be time to pack my bags and go home! A few nights ago when I was feeling terribly sick, I had a dream. In that dream, I felt the excitement of going home....I was happily packing all my things to be shipped home. I remember that smile on my face. I was genuinely happy. But of course when I woke up, the excitement faded.
Before I forget, I think staying back in Penang in 2011 was awesome because I also got to bond better with my college friends. We weren't exactly close back in college and when one of them went to Adelaide to complete her final year of undergraduate studies, we became a little closer. But it was our wed night market outings that got us much closer. As her bf is in Manchester, we always joke about how she's in a LDR with 2 people. lol. I think I tend to think way too much, like how when I get so excited to chat with her, I can't help but wonder if she feels the same or if she feels i'm way too annoying.
Anyway, I am so thankful for many things even though my life is not perfect. I am thankful for basically everything, even the bad and the ugly, because without them I wouldn't know how to appreciate the good things in life. To everyone who makes a difference in my life - I LOVE YOU!
This picture was taken in 2008, when I was having lunch with J in Adelaide.
Love actually is all around.
XOXO
Friday, November 23, 2012
Sunshine
OK I wrote a long post and blogger.com decided to screw my post with gibberish ><
Because I'm lazy to re-type it. Here's a song I thought of while in the shower. This song brings back college memories, simply because it was introduced by a friend then. I remember listening to it on repeat for months! Enjoy!
I know this might sound crazy but I've already come up with a list of things I want to do when I go home:
1. Organise a potluck with the Popular gang
2. Go to every McD branch there is in Penang
3. Cycle around Penang island
4. Get a haircut - I know I'd definitely get lazy to do this, thus the reminder
5. Baking with M
Anyway, today I felt way better than I did 2 days ago although nose still blocked, probably because today's weather was awesome! Sunshine!!!
p/s: I should really stop bugging my friends and blog more.
XOXO
Because I'm lazy to re-type it. Here's a song I thought of while in the shower. This song brings back college memories, simply because it was introduced by a friend then. I remember listening to it on repeat for months! Enjoy!
I know this might sound crazy but I've already come up with a list of things I want to do when I go home:
1. Organise a potluck with the Popular gang
2. Go to every McD branch there is in Penang
3. Cycle around Penang island
4. Get a haircut - I know I'd definitely get lazy to do this, thus the reminder
5. Baking with M
Anyway, today I felt way better than I did 2 days ago although nose still blocked, probably because today's weather was awesome! Sunshine!!!
p/s: I should really stop bugging my friends and blog more.
XOXO
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Is time ever enough?
They say everything takes time. When you're in a situation, it feels like time is just creeping by really slowly. Sometimes you might think time isn't moving at all and you wonder to yourself when all of these would be over.
It's been 2 months since I arrived here. Two months is not long yet it's not very short either. Every time I'm away from home, I learn a little bit more about myself which I have never known...which is kind of scary in a way. At times I wonder if I do have a psychological issue (e.g., depression, bipolar). Many times when I laugh here, that laughter doesn't last...it fades away like vapour in the wind. And then I'm back in my room all alone, facing those four walls. I would look out at the sky but the sky here is gloomy most of the time, so there's no point in looking at it.
I talk to myself so often I think I might go crazy. On normal days, I'd have the following conversation with myself:
Me: You've got to snap out of this! You've got to be strong!
Me2: I know...but sometimes I can't help it...
Me: You know you've got to do what a girl's got to do!!
Me2: I guess you're right...I'll try...
Me: You can do this!
Me2: I guess...
That's how I encourage myself when I have no one to talk to. I can't possibly keep looking for someone to talk to when I need to. Everyone has their own lives to live. Their world doesn't revolve around just me. When friends and family ask how I'm coping/doing, my usual standard reply would be "fine...good good, all normal" because there's no point in saying what's true when awkward silence would follow. I recently find that I get unusually emotional AFTER talking to my family. I always thought that talking to them would make me feel much better but right after I hang up, my tears decide to just come out and have some fun.
In a way I'm thankful that I'm out of my comfort zone at the moment. I am able to take a step back and see things more clearly. When I was in my comfort zone, I was under the protective wings of my family, being surrounded by friends to some extent I feel overwhelmed. I always longed for some alone time. How ironic...Now that I can have all the alone time in the world, I'd rather be surrounded by family and friends. I guess "you" are right, humans 'fan jian'. lol.
So I ponder on many many things, such as how change is inevitable in this world and that we have to learn to accept it, no matter how unwilling we feel. Had a 2-hour conversation with a friend of 14 years who is working in the US yesterday. We shared our feelings about going home and one thing she said that struck me was "I used to want to leave Malaysia and never go back, but as I grow older I realise that I just want to go home! I just want to pack my bags and leave!" At that moment I didn't feel so alone. I feel exactly the same way! My initial plan was to stay in the UK to find an internship or a job but now the plan's out the window! When I finish studying, I would want to fly home immediately. Forget about all the pounds that I could be earning, I just want to go home. I want to see my adorable niece and nephew grow up, spend time with them, and be a part of every happy occasion.
As I've been feeling emotional lately, you seem to find me at the right time every time. Come to think of it, I feel terrible. When you were going through difficult times, I was at a loss of words to say or things to do to cheer you up. I thank you for being so selfless, I don't know why I deserve a friend like you. Really. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the people around me but yet God has brought each and everyone of you into my life! Perhaps this is a way for me to learn to appreciate the people around me.
p/s: So sorry to whoever that is still reading this. Nothing happy has really happened in my life and I really need to "pen down" my frustrations.
It's been 2 months since I arrived here. Two months is not long yet it's not very short either. Every time I'm away from home, I learn a little bit more about myself which I have never known...which is kind of scary in a way. At times I wonder if I do have a psychological issue (e.g., depression, bipolar). Many times when I laugh here, that laughter doesn't last...it fades away like vapour in the wind. And then I'm back in my room all alone, facing those four walls. I would look out at the sky but the sky here is gloomy most of the time, so there's no point in looking at it.
I talk to myself so often I think I might go crazy. On normal days, I'd have the following conversation with myself:
Me: You've got to snap out of this! You've got to be strong!
Me2: I know...but sometimes I can't help it...
Me: You know you've got to do what a girl's got to do!!
Me2: I guess you're right...I'll try...
Me: You can do this!
Me2: I guess...
That's how I encourage myself when I have no one to talk to. I can't possibly keep looking for someone to talk to when I need to. Everyone has their own lives to live. Their world doesn't revolve around just me. When friends and family ask how I'm coping/doing, my usual standard reply would be "fine...good good, all normal" because there's no point in saying what's true when awkward silence would follow. I recently find that I get unusually emotional AFTER talking to my family. I always thought that talking to them would make me feel much better but right after I hang up, my tears decide to just come out and have some fun.
In a way I'm thankful that I'm out of my comfort zone at the moment. I am able to take a step back and see things more clearly. When I was in my comfort zone, I was under the protective wings of my family, being surrounded by friends to some extent I feel overwhelmed. I always longed for some alone time. How ironic...Now that I can have all the alone time in the world, I'd rather be surrounded by family and friends. I guess "you" are right, humans 'fan jian'. lol.
So I ponder on many many things, such as how change is inevitable in this world and that we have to learn to accept it, no matter how unwilling we feel. Had a 2-hour conversation with a friend of 14 years who is working in the US yesterday. We shared our feelings about going home and one thing she said that struck me was "I used to want to leave Malaysia and never go back, but as I grow older I realise that I just want to go home! I just want to pack my bags and leave!" At that moment I didn't feel so alone. I feel exactly the same way! My initial plan was to stay in the UK to find an internship or a job but now the plan's out the window! When I finish studying, I would want to fly home immediately. Forget about all the pounds that I could be earning, I just want to go home. I want to see my adorable niece and nephew grow up, spend time with them, and be a part of every happy occasion.
As I've been feeling emotional lately, you seem to find me at the right time every time. Come to think of it, I feel terrible. When you were going through difficult times, I was at a loss of words to say or things to do to cheer you up. I thank you for being so selfless, I don't know why I deserve a friend like you. Really. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the people around me but yet God has brought each and everyone of you into my life! Perhaps this is a way for me to learn to appreciate the people around me.
p/s: So sorry to whoever that is still reading this. Nothing happy has really happened in my life and I really need to "pen down" my frustrations.
Saturday, November 03, 2012
Blue...
I never understood why people use "blue" to describe feelings of down-ness. I mean, blue is my favourite colour and if I was given the choice, I would choose everything blue! So, for me blue is the colour that describes both happiness and sadness (not so much of sadness, but emo-ness).
I've been here for 7 weeks already. Time sure does fly when you're busy with your life, which is a good thing sometimes - when you need to get your mind off certain things. I still remember that feeling when I just arrived, everything was in a mess. Having to settle down quickly and catching up on missed lectures, readings and assignments was too much for me to handle. At one point I really wanted to just pack my bags and leave, forget about what I wanted to pursue, forget about why I even bothered coming here in the first place. I REALLY WANTED TO LEAVE!
There was an internal conflict for 2 weeks or so. I kept telling myself to be strong, I did it 5 years ago, I can do it this time - the final time! Although I was alone physically, I wasn't alone because God is here with me. But I guess somehow I overlooked that point and continued to dwell in the fact that I was alone! Desperate for some human interaction, I tried to rush home every day around the time when everyone would be online so that I could at least catch up with some of my friends. I even stayed home for 2-3 consecutive days when I didn't have classes, just so I could catch people online. LOL
However, this whole rushing-home-to-chat thing wasn't exactly working for me as I'm 8 hours behind Malaysian time and when my friends back home said good night one by one, I was yet again left feeling very lonely. So I stopped myself from doing things according to the time back home and just went with the flow - doing the things I need to get done and work at my own time and pace. I also told myself to truly experience Nottingham because I'd be here for only a year and 1 year is really a short time. I am sure that when the time comes for me to leave, I'd feel the unwillingness too as I create my own memories here - the good and the bad; the sweet and the bitter.
Slowly I'm getting used to being alone (but not lonely) - I get to do everything at my own pace, not having to conform to others' schedules. I still remember how I always get so cranky when I'm being woken up by any of my family members. Nobody should ever mess with my sleep! Going grocery-shopping alone allows me to de-stress as I plan what to cook/eat that afternoon/night. But sometimes being alone has its down side. Walking on the street seeing happy groups of friends talking and laughing without a care in the world, I wish I was back home where I could do the same. I think I hardly laugh from the heart since I stepped foot on Nottingham, I've become more quiet and reserved that it scares me sometimes. Is this me? Is this really me? I feel like I have two sides of me - the crazy side and the reserved side. I can't even tell which is the real me anymore. Perhaps it depends whom I'm around with.
On sunny days, I walk around the city with a big smile on my face feeling that nothing can ever put me down! It's funny how when I was back home, I complained about the heat a lot! I'm usually quite heat-tolerant but I just dislike the fact that I start to sweat even right after a shower. Since it rains here most of the time and the weather is often gloomy, I really really cherish sunny days a LOT! You don't know how happy I am on sunny days. I guess my classmate is pretty tired of hearing me say "OMG It's sunny today!!! I love it!" on every sunny day. HAHAHA
Somehow today I woke up feeling a little blue without a reason. Maybe there is but I don't know what it is. It definitely cannot be PMS because it's history. lol. Maybe I'm starting to get homesick again...missing all the outings back home. I really miss just being myself, without being judged by my close friends. I'm also missing my bed terribly! T_T I've been having backaches every day when I wake up because of the mattress. I got it replaced but it's still not as firm as the one I have back home. *sigh*
So it's lunchtime again...gotta go cook!
XOXO
Me
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wheee!
Since my life has been deprived of some excitement, here are 3 things that excite me! :D
- I trimmed my bangs myself for the first time in my life! LOL I gave myself a haircut before in secondary school when my aunt who used to cut my hair was away on a holiday, and that was it. I got myself a haircut before I flew here but then I realised that my bangs were a tad long, and it'd be wayyy long by the time I go home next year. So I took matters into my own hands. Instead of spending 20 pounds to go to a hairdresser, I bought a thinning scissors for 4 pounds (which I could use over and over again in the future) from a pharmacy and trimmed my bangs. I didn't dare go too short, just in case it turned out bad.
- My friend is getting married in September next year and she invited me to be her jimui!! I've never been a jimui in my life....so I don't exactly know what a jimui does. However I'm still really excited!!! I'll make sure that I'll be back in Penang by then so that I don't miss another friend's wedding! *fingers crossed* :D
- It snowed a few nights ago but I missed it. Was already asleep by then. I'm still excited! I'm wishing for a white Christmas. I know, holidays are still far away and I'm already thinking about holidays! Ahhh!
Anyway, I'm so glad I'm finally writing happy posts!! Wheee!!!
p/s: Sunny days make me happy! It's sunny today!
XOXO,
Me
- I trimmed my bangs myself for the first time in my life! LOL I gave myself a haircut before in secondary school when my aunt who used to cut my hair was away on a holiday, and that was it. I got myself a haircut before I flew here but then I realised that my bangs were a tad long, and it'd be wayyy long by the time I go home next year. So I took matters into my own hands. Instead of spending 20 pounds to go to a hairdresser, I bought a thinning scissors for 4 pounds (which I could use over and over again in the future) from a pharmacy and trimmed my bangs. I didn't dare go too short, just in case it turned out bad.
- My friend is getting married in September next year and she invited me to be her jimui!! I've never been a jimui in my life....so I don't exactly know what a jimui does. However I'm still really excited!!! I'll make sure that I'll be back in Penang by then so that I don't miss another friend's wedding! *fingers crossed* :D
- It snowed a few nights ago but I missed it. Was already asleep by then. I'm still excited! I'm wishing for a white Christmas. I know, holidays are still far away and I'm already thinking about holidays! Ahhh!
Anyway, I'm so glad I'm finally writing happy posts!! Wheee!!!
p/s: Sunny days make me happy! It's sunny today!
XOXO,
Me
Monday, October 08, 2012
原来...
...我还没完全放下。
刚刚看了一位朋友面书上的相簿，看到了他们去骑脚车。当中有她和他。不知道为什么，照片中也没有特别的什么，但是我心里就是觉得不是滋味。也许，我的离开对你来说是一种释放......我觉得自己好傻，明知她永远会在你心中占着很重要的地位，而我却装作没这回事。在看喜剧的我不知不觉流下眼泪，也不知道是不是又想家了，还是为了别的事情。总之，身在国外的我特别容易流泪。唉，真讨厌这样的自己。虽然表面看起来好像什么事情都没有，但是当被一些事情刺激的时候又再发作。
刚刚看了一位朋友面书上的相簿，看到了他们去骑脚车。当中有她和他。不知道为什么，照片中也没有特别的什么，但是我心里就是觉得不是滋味。也许，我的离开对你来说是一种释放......我觉得自己好傻，明知她永远会在你心中占着很重要的地位，而我却装作没这回事。在看喜剧的我不知不觉流下眼泪，也不知道是不是又想家了，还是为了别的事情。总之，身在国外的我特别容易流泪。唉，真讨厌这样的自己。虽然表面看起来好像什么事情都没有，但是当被一些事情刺激的时候又再发作。
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
还是一样
每次擦干眼泪，跟自己说加油！我好想好想就这样，躺在床上大哭，什么也不做，直到眼泪都哭干为止，然后再重新出发。但是，实际上时间紧迫，每次哭了就立刻擦干眼泪然后若无其事地继续做该做的事。不知道这样子能够撑多久......快要精神崩溃了。想当年我是多么地勇敢与独立，那个女孩跑去了哪里？怎么人长越大越懦弱？真是可笑！如果我能让脑袋停止想念那该多好，那一切就没事了！好久没有开怀大笑了，也没有尽情歌唱。在路上走着想要唱歌的时候发现那把嗓子好陌生，好像从来没听过，声音里也似乎隐藏着伤痛与寂寞。
在别人眼里我就是一个嘻嘻哈哈的开心果，只有真正了解我的人才知道我其实很多愁善感。哭也从来不会在家人面前哭，免得他们担心。还记得在机场时看见妈妈眼眶泛红，我为了压抑自己的情绪就用最快的速度走进boarding gate，不想当场大哭。
有是时候重拾心情去做功课了。
在别人眼里我就是一个嘻嘻哈哈的开心果，只有真正了解我的人才知道我其实很多愁善感。哭也从来不会在家人面前哭，免得他们担心。还记得在机场时看见妈妈眼眶泛红，我为了压抑自己的情绪就用最快的速度走进boarding gate，不想当场大哭。
有是时候重拾心情去做功课了。
Monday, October 01, 2012
Too overwhelmed
And again, another emo blog post. Well, it's been a week already and it feels like time is moving oh-so-slowly. I guess it's just a temporary feeling. Right now I wish time could fast forward to my graduation. I'd like to go travel and go home and do the things I want to do. Having to deal with being away from home + not having any friends + lots of work to do = 1 very emo girl. Just sitting in the library searching for articles is enough to make my eyes well up in a blur. Just turning on the laptop and seeing my buddy in Penang is also enough for me to tear. Every little thing makes me emotional at this stage. I wonder when this will all end. Hey you...yeah you, thank you so much for always being there and trying to make me laugh when I don't feel like it. I know you're also going through a lot but you still try to cheer me up. Thank you!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
2012 年中秋节...
虽然在家也没有特别庆祝，但至少家是熟悉的地方，朋友们可以约对方出来聚一聚没有那么无聊。今天是我抵达这里以来第一次在外面吃晚餐，约了在伦敦机场认识的一个朋友和他的朋友一起吃饭。最后是他们两看着我慢慢地吃，唉！然后吃饱，三人在大风中走着找地方坐，而他们俩在那里喝酒抽烟。T_T 我是真的不喜欢坐在抽烟的人旁边，因为二手烟啊！而且身上会有烟味，真是无奈。
要回家时又下起毛毛雨，但是独自走在无人的街上感觉不错，冷风把我脸庞吹得麻痹了很不赖。有时候还是希望你在这里，看我看的风景，经历我所经历的，然后一起嘻嘻哈哈抵达目的地。也许人生就是这样，不是想要什么就有什么。一个人在这里也许会学到生活上的功课。一年一眨眼就过去，我想好好经历这一年！
XOXO
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
我可能不会爱你
啊！终于看完了《我可能不会爱你》！结局我早就猜到，只是看到程又青和李大仁绕了这么一大圈才在一起真的为他们有点担心。嘻！看到他们终于结婚，我也感动得落泪。至少，李大仁对她十多年来的感情终于得到回报。
我说过，希望我的另一半是我的好朋友，或者至少认识了一段时间的朋友。每个听到这个的人就会跟我说这是不可能的事。但我还是坚持相信！
以下就是李大仁求婚的片段。不浪漫也可以很浪漫。没有人特定浪漫一定要昂贵的花朵或戒指，对不对？
After not having work for a day, I feel so refreshed and full of energy. *sigh* But the moment I woke up this morning for work, that feeling of dread came rushing back again. Well, at least I should be happy that I managed to stay awake the whole afternoon so that I can sleep earlier at night. Really really really really need to readjust my biological clock. Irregular sleeping times is making me age sooner than I should!
Thanks to my blog, I've been able to let out some things that I shouldn't keep inside. It's doing me good, since I don't have to rant to anyone. Anyway...signing out! Talk soon.
XOXO,
Me
我说过，希望我的另一半是我的好朋友，或者至少认识了一段时间的朋友。每个听到这个的人就会跟我说这是不可能的事。但我还是坚持相信！
以下就是李大仁求婚的片段。不浪漫也可以很浪漫。没有人特定浪漫一定要昂贵的花朵或戒指，对不对？
After not having work for a day, I feel so refreshed and full of energy. *sigh* But the moment I woke up this morning for work, that feeling of dread came rushing back again. Well, at least I should be happy that I managed to stay awake the whole afternoon so that I can sleep earlier at night. Really really really really need to readjust my biological clock. Irregular sleeping times is making me age sooner than I should!
Thanks to my blog, I've been able to let out some things that I shouldn't keep inside. It's doing me good, since I don't have to rant to anyone. Anyway...signing out! Talk soon.
XOXO,
Me
Sunday, July 29, 2012
2012 is full of...
....health problems so far.
*WARNING: girl stuff up ahead, don't say I didn't warn you. It is not too late to click close*
I don't remember feeling sick all the time. It's funny how all my health problems seem to disappear when I went to Adelaide. Probably all the walking and healthy lifestyle/diet helped. Even those annoying once-a-month cramps were gone. When I came back to Malaysia for good in 2011, everything just came back...reminding me of the pain and the discomfort. *SIGH* I love being a girl...but this is just too much to bear. It feels like labour pain, I think, except labour pain is a few more times worse than this.
Woke up feeling crap today. Had a few mouthfuls of pumpkin kuih with chilli sauce and my throat felt sore. Gah...I knew something was up. I can read my body symptoms so well I knew what was coming but was secretly hoping that I was wrong. Felt lethargic so I went to sleep after my late lunch. Woke up and my prediction was confirmed. Then....I felt like dying because of the pain so I wrapped myself in my comforter with the fan full on and woke up at 9pm to have my dinner.
And now...I'm sitting here typing this because I simply need to rant and I realise that I can't really find someone to rant because it's just so unimportant. lol. And my current guy friend is just not a suitable candidate.
*From this point onwards, no more girly stuff.*
Oh how unhealthy my lifestyle in Penang is. Waking up at irregular times, having afternoon naps that interfere with the quality of sleep at night, having meals at irregular times, eating unhealthy hawker/processed food, driving to places instead of walking etc. I've been trying to sleep early but why is it so difficult to?! Could it be the fact that it's simply too happening. Friends are everywhere. I'm guessing my pimple breakout has got to do with my lifestyle and work too. Seriously looking forward to the day when my skin would look like how it looked like 2 years ago. Back then I thought my skin was terrible until now...hmmm...that's why they say, humans are never satisfied with what they have until they lose it. Oh, so true!
On another totally unrelated note, just found out the FIRST guy I ever had a crush on in pre-school is married! Whoa...now I'm waiting to see which other guys I used to have a crush on are getting married. lol. It scares me how time flies. I was so eager to grow up, just for A to see that I'm not a little girl. But...I guess to A, I'll forever be a little girl. Now that I'm all grown up, I wish I could turn back time. I want to be that carefree and happy girl I used to be. It's true that the number of times we laugh decreases as we age, with too much to worry/think about. I just got to keep reminding myself that we grow old because we stop laughing. After all, laughing is the best medicine, right? RIGHT.
*WARNING: girl stuff up ahead, don't say I didn't warn you. It is not too late to click close*
I don't remember feeling sick all the time. It's funny how all my health problems seem to disappear when I went to Adelaide. Probably all the walking and healthy lifestyle/diet helped. Even those annoying once-a-month cramps were gone. When I came back to Malaysia for good in 2011, everything just came back...reminding me of the pain and the discomfort. *SIGH* I love being a girl...but this is just too much to bear. It feels like labour pain, I think, except labour pain is a few more times worse than this.
Woke up feeling crap today. Had a few mouthfuls of pumpkin kuih with chilli sauce and my throat felt sore. Gah...I knew something was up. I can read my body symptoms so well I knew what was coming but was secretly hoping that I was wrong. Felt lethargic so I went to sleep after my late lunch. Woke up and my prediction was confirmed. Then....I felt like dying because of the pain so I wrapped myself in my comforter with the fan full on and woke up at 9pm to have my dinner.
And now...I'm sitting here typing this because I simply need to rant and I realise that I can't really find someone to rant because it's just so unimportant. lol. And my current guy friend is just not a suitable candidate.
*From this point onwards, no more girly stuff.*
Oh how unhealthy my lifestyle in Penang is. Waking up at irregular times, having afternoon naps that interfere with the quality of sleep at night, having meals at irregular times, eating unhealthy hawker/processed food, driving to places instead of walking etc. I've been trying to sleep early but why is it so difficult to?! Could it be the fact that it's simply too happening. Friends are everywhere. I'm guessing my pimple breakout has got to do with my lifestyle and work too. Seriously looking forward to the day when my skin would look like how it looked like 2 years ago. Back then I thought my skin was terrible until now...hmmm...that's why they say, humans are never satisfied with what they have until they lose it. Oh, so true!
On another totally unrelated note, just found out the FIRST guy I ever had a crush on in pre-school is married! Whoa...now I'm waiting to see which other guys I used to have a crush on are getting married. lol. It scares me how time flies. I was so eager to grow up, just for A to see that I'm not a little girl. But...I guess to A, I'll forever be a little girl. Now that I'm all grown up, I wish I could turn back time. I want to be that carefree and happy girl I used to be. It's true that the number of times we laugh decreases as we age, with too much to worry/think about. I just got to keep reminding myself that we grow old because we stop laughing. After all, laughing is the best medicine, right? RIGHT.
Year 1991
Year 1992
Year 2007
Need to keep reminding myself to laugh, regardless of the circumstance I'm in.
XOXO,
Me
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Not good
I've been feeling under the weather lately. It's probably PMS, or stress, or both. =( Haven't been feeling very motivated though I'm running out of time! Another 3 months, & my honours thesis is due & I'm still at my preliminary stage. *SIGH*
Not only do I feel stressed, my friends don't seem to understand that I'm simply busy! They do not understand that I do not ask people out because I'm feeling stressed & when I'm stressed, I do not want to add more stress to myself by spending time travelling to/fro, or spend my time doing anything other than my work! Argh! Is it that hard to understand?! Everyone thinks I'm free after my exams...seriously! -___-
If I was free, I'd be out having meals with friends, walk aimlessly on the streets just because I want to be out of the house, lie on the beach & soak up the warm sunlight, surf the net all day for interesting stuff, listen to music while doing house chores, watch Masterchef & not worry about what I will do after that. I can give you a whole list of things to do!!!! But right now, I need to focus on my work, alright! Particularly hate it when people say things like, "I rarely hear from you, shows how unimportant I am to you". I just simply hate it, even if you add a "lol" at the end of it. It just drives me up the wall.
I know, this is an angry post...I am. Enough said, back to work.
Not only do I feel stressed, my friends don't seem to understand that I'm simply busy! They do not understand that I do not ask people out because I'm feeling stressed & when I'm stressed, I do not want to add more stress to myself by spending time travelling to/fro, or spend my time doing anything other than my work! Argh! Is it that hard to understand?! Everyone thinks I'm free after my exams...seriously! -___-
If I was free, I'd be out having meals with friends, walk aimlessly on the streets just because I want to be out of the house, lie on the beach & soak up the warm sunlight, surf the net all day for interesting stuff, listen to music while doing house chores, watch Masterchef & not worry about what I will do after that. I can give you a whole list of things to do!!!! But right now, I need to focus on my work, alright! Particularly hate it when people say things like, "I rarely hear from you, shows how unimportant I am to you". I just simply hate it, even if you add a "lol" at the end of it. It just drives me up the wall.
I know, this is an angry post...I am. Enough said, back to work.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
So near yet so far
If you read my previous post, you would know by now that I have a major crush on this guy called Kurt. The thing is we do not know each other. Uh huh. I know it sounds totally insane but I feel so sad that he hasn't approved my friend request on Facebook! I saw him appear on my news feed this morning - "Kurt is now friends with ____ & 10 others." o.O I'm probably buried under 100s or 1000s of friend requests... Oh well...
But...for the past few days, I've been checking out his friend, Sam, on YouTube and his myspace page. On first look, you'll find that he's not cute but as you see him sing/act, there's this something about him that makes you feel attracted to him. Charm, maybe? LOL Kurt, Sam & many others are filming a movie called College Musical this winter (their summer) and are asking on Facebook if anyone wants to help out or simply be an extra. *SIGH* Hence, the post title. If only I could fly myself to the US, not worry about my thesis...I sooo wanna be a part of their movie production! I'm sure it would be an awesome experience & at the same time I'd get to fulfill my dream of becoming an extra. XD
I've been listening to the songs covered by Sam (produced by Kurt) 24/7, when I'm doing my thesis. Hehe...it almost feels like he's singing right next to me. *slaps self* Wake up already!
This is a video of Kurt playing "Baby" on the recorder. He produces all his videos on YouTube. He occasionally appears in videos with Sam & his other friends, playing musical instruments and/or being vocal backups [gosh, is there even such a word - vocal backup].
This is Sam & his clones...LOL (produced by Kurt) Totally LOVE this cover of "Don't stop believing"! Enjoy!
XOXO,
Me
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Reality sinks in
Hello world!
As much as I'd like to blog more often...I'm afraid I can't promise that. I just met up with my supervisor today & apparently I've got HEAPS of stuff to change in my research proposal (starting to regret procrastinating at the beginning of the year!). My winter break will not be much of a break for me & I guess it's a good opportunity to get as much things done as soon as possible, rather than to leave them till the last min (which I usually do, but NOT this time).
Oh, before I forget...I'm having this MAJOR crush on this guy called Kurt Schneider. He's a YouTube sensation due to his productions! He's intelligent (majors in math at Yale), creative (produces unique music videos) and cute!!!! Gosh...how perfect is that! And he's the same age as I am. *swoons* Been obssessed with him for weeks! Go check out his vidoes on YouTube! Hehe...
Will talk to you guys soon. =)
XOXO,
Me
As much as I'd like to blog more often...I'm afraid I can't promise that. I just met up with my supervisor today & apparently I've got HEAPS of stuff to change in my research proposal (starting to regret procrastinating at the beginning of the year!). My winter break will not be much of a break for me & I guess it's a good opportunity to get as much things done as soon as possible, rather than to leave them till the last min (which I usually do, but NOT this time).
Oh, before I forget...I'm having this MAJOR crush on this guy called Kurt Schneider. He's a YouTube sensation due to his productions! He's intelligent (majors in math at Yale), creative (produces unique music videos) and cute!!!! Gosh...how perfect is that! And he's the same age as I am. *swoons* Been obssessed with him for weeks! Go check out his vidoes on YouTube! Hehe...
Will talk to you guys soon. =)
XOXO,
Me
Monday, June 28, 2010
Strange place
It's strange that no matter how stressed I feel about an exam or an assignment, I'd eventually drift into a different dimension when I'm doing my revision/assignment. Just an hour ago, I was studying with Taylor Swift's songs blasting through my earphones, & I found myself in a strange place. LOL I felt calm & was actually enjoying studying what I was studying. @.@ How bizarre.
Since we're on this topic, let me digress a little. When I was in high school, I'd always have my afternoon nap (which lasted for hours) right after my lunch. Yup, without changing, without showering, I'd just flop myself on the bed & drift into dreamland. I really LOVE sleeping. There's an indescribable feeling about it. Sleeping "solves" most of my problems. LOL Like that time when I came home after an SPM paper (I think it was physics), I came home feeling down, knowing that I did quite a few mistakes. I immediately transported myself to dreamland & when I woke up hours later, that paper incident just felt like it never happened! Not only that, when I get EXTREMELY HORRIBLE menstrual cramps, all I need is something hot to drink/eat AND sleep, & when I wake up, everything's back to normal.
These days, I look forward to bed time so much 'cause that's how I run away from reality, from all the stress I'm facing. Every morning, the moment I open my eyes, I think to myself "Gosh, back to reality!" That's my life these days...for those who are wondering what I'm up to.
XOXO,
Me
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